Cheap and stingy parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get to live their own lives. I think all of my Silent Generation family members live this way. They saved everything. In my opinion, people today could learn at lot from this perspective.

+1 People who lived through the Great Depression are a different breed.

I don't wash out bread bags and hang them on the line but I still have every cent of the money my grandparents gave me at college graduation plus the increase on investing it.

I lost my job in 2009 and could still afford my lifestyle for 9 months because of good conditioning from living frugally.

Can I have your bread bags?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Oh BS.

Not necessarily "BS." DP

Absolutely. My 6 year old Bosch dw died. When I asked the repair person what to buy instead he said 7 years is the life expectancy now.

Sort of. Even for simple repairs, the cost of the service call makes repair prohibitive. The pressure switch died in my five-year-old dishwasher. The part is $30 but a service call is $300. You are halfway to a new model, so why would you repair it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Oh BS.

Not necessarily "BS." DP

Absolutely. My 6 year old Bosch dw died. When I asked the repair person what to buy instead he said 7 years is the life expectancy now.

Sort of. Even for simple repairs, the cost of the service call makes repair prohibitive. The pressure switch died in my five-year-old dishwasher. The part is $30 but a service call is $300. You are halfway to a new model, so why would you repair it?

Not for a Miele. I recently replaced a 15 year old Miele because I wanted the front panel to match my new cabinets. Went through two Boschs before that in 5 years. Yes, I replaced it with another Miele.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents were the same way. Always wanted to go to Hawaii but never went. They lived so frugally. Same clothes same carpet, couch for 50 years . When my grandpa died a few years ago I inherited a lot . My grandma is still alive but has no concept of how much money she has. She never worked and they lived so frugal. We knew before he died they were worth a few million but now we know it’s a lot more than a few. It makes me sad they never went to Hawaii. I have tried to get my grandma to go with me but she doesn’t want to fly anymore .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just a vent to be honest.

the In-Laws live in a modest 55+ community and it took a lot of effort to get them to move about 5 years ago. It was great.
the old house was run down and needed to be updated.

The lived conservatively, nice cars but 10 years old, vacations but nothing flashy. we always worried that they would run out of money.
They wouldn't get a new dishwasher even though the last one was a POS. Mostly due to the FIL who ran the house.

FIL passes away and we find out they have $7mm investment account.

Really wish they were able to enjoy the $$ and use the money to make their lives easier - getting a cleaning lady, other help around the house, nicer meals out.

hopefully the MIL decides to live life a bit easier but frugality is hard wired into their brains.

Some people enjoy their money more with it sitting in an account and growing. Don't put your values on other people; it doesn't help or even work.

OP Here -

I guess to respond to this (and the post above it with the same idea that not our business) -

It does impact us in the sense that we all are very busy and the FIL/MIL had demands on our time that we felt could have been outsourced.

Then say no.

How old are you again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't sound like it's any of your business OP. Are you worried your MIL was "forced" to live like that? I don't see where you come in the picture.

It's her family, that makes it her business.

And she's not telling anyone what to do, just expressing that it's too bad that her IL's frugality has led to them not enjoying their money, which I think is an empathetic take.

I understand because I have similar feelings about my MIL. My FIL was very controlling when he was alive and wouldn't allow them to do a lot of things they could afford to do. Now that he's gone MIL is doing some of those things but she also often expresses that she feels guilty when she does them, like she shouldn't be spending the money (HER money, fully half of it is from her pension and savings, she worked for 30 years). DH and I both strongly encourage her to spend it without guilt and remind her she deserves to enjoy her life. But it is sad to me that it's so hard for her to do so, in part because FIL really criticized/restricted spending money on anything that wasn't completely necessary, and she still lives in that shadow.

Yes it’s not “her” family. Very few of you on DCUM have earned the right to call your in laws “family.” You’re far too nasty towards them.

OP wishing her ILs had spent *more* of their own hard-earned money is now somehow nasty?

You're an idiot, PP.

Oh cmon. OP hates her in laws. You all do.

DP, what is wrong with you? Maybe you're just projecting because you hate your own inlaws?

Nope. Love mine, God rest their souls. Ironically, they lived a lot like OP’s and left each of their kids a million or so.

OP Here - I don't think they lived the way they did so they could hand money down. We and other sibling are financial well off.

Yea, well, so were/are we. Some people don’t like to spend money. No reason to trash them.

where in the original post does it show "trashing them"?

“Stingy and cheap”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Oh BS.

Not necessarily "BS." DP

Absolutely. My 6 year old Bosch dw died. When I asked the repair person what to buy instead he said 7 years is the life expectancy now.

Sort of. Even for simple repairs, the cost of the service call makes repair prohibitive. The pressure switch died in my five-year-old dishwasher. The part is $30 but a service call is $300. You are halfway to a new model, so why would you repair it?

Not for a Miele. I recently replaced a 15 year old Miele because I wanted the front panel to match my new cabinets. Went through two Boschs before that in 5 years. Yes, I replaced it with another Miele.

Older GE appliances are great too. My parents have a dishwasher from 2000 that won’t die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't sound like it's any of your business OP. Are you worried your MIL was "forced" to live like that? I don't see where you come in the picture.

It's her family, that makes it her business.

And she's not telling anyone what to do, just expressing that it's too bad that her IL's frugality has led to them not enjoying their money, which I think is an empathetic take.

I understand because I have similar feelings about my MIL. My FIL was very controlling when he was alive and wouldn't allow them to do a lot of things they could afford to do. Now that he's gone MIL is doing some of those things but she also often expresses that she feels guilty when she does them, like she shouldn't be spending the money (HER money, fully half of it is from her pension and savings, she worked for 30 years). DH and I both strongly encourage her to spend it without guilt and remind her she deserves to enjoy her life. But it is sad to me that it's so hard for her to do so, in part because FIL really criticized/restricted spending money on anything that wasn't completely necessary, and she still lives in that shadow.

Yes it’s not “her” family. Very few of you on DCUM have earned the right to call your in laws “family.” You’re far too nasty towards them.

OP wishing her ILs had spent *more* of their own hard-earned money is now somehow nasty?

You're an idiot, PP.

Oh cmon. OP hates her in laws. You all do.

DP, what is wrong with you? Maybe you're just projecting because you hate your own inlaws?

Nope. Love mine, God rest their souls. Ironically, they lived a lot like OP’s and left each of their kids a million or so.

OP Here - I don't think they lived the way they did so they could hand money down. We and other sibling are financial well off.

Yea, well, so were/are we. Some people don’t like to spend money. No reason to trash them.

where in the original post does it show "trashing them"?

“Stingy and cheap”

the title is a little trashy but the body of the post isn't.

but i concede your point has merit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just a vent to be honest.

the In-Laws live in a modest 55+ community and it took a lot of effort to get them to move about 5 years ago. It was great.
the old house was run down and needed to be updated.

The lived conservatively, nice cars but 10 years old, vacations but nothing flashy. we always worried that they would run out of money.
They wouldn't get a new dishwasher even though the last one was a POS. Mostly due to the FIL who ran the house.

FIL passes away and we find out they have $7mm investment account.

Really wish they were able to enjoy the $$ and use the money to make their lives easier - getting a cleaning lady, other help around the house, nicer meals out.

hopefully the MIL decides to live life a bit easier but frugality is hard wired into their brains.

Some people enjoy their money more with it sitting in an account and growing. Don't put your values on other people; it doesn't help or even work.

OP Here -

I guess to respond to this (and the post above it with the same idea that not our business) -

It does impact us in the sense that we all are very busy and the FIL/MIL had demands on our time that we felt could have been outsourced.

Then say no.

How old are you again?

we were taught to respect our elders and we help our families out.

it's not as easy for us to say no - at least not as easy as you make it sound to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just a vent to be honest.

the In-Laws live in a modest 55+ community and it took a lot of effort to get them to move about 5 years ago. It was great.
the old house was run down and needed to be updated.

The lived conservatively, nice cars but 10 years old, vacations but nothing flashy. we always worried that they would run out of money.
They wouldn't get a new dishwasher even though the last one was a POS. Mostly due to the FIL who ran the house.

FIL passes away and we find out they have $7mm investment account.

Really wish they were able to enjoy the $$ and use the money to make their lives easier - getting a cleaning lady, other help around the house, nicer meals out.

hopefully the MIL decides to live life a bit easier but frugality is hard wired into their brains.

Some people enjoy their money more with it sitting in an account and growing. Don't put your values on other people; it doesn't help or even work.

OP Here -

I guess to respond to this (and the post above it with the same idea that not our business) -

It does impact us in the sense that we all are very busy and the FIL/MIL had demands on our time that we felt could have been outsourced.

Then say no.

How old are you again?

we were taught to respect our elders and we help our families out.

it's not as easy for us to say no - at least not as easy as you make it sound to be.

So you’re mad because you had to help them but you found out they could have paid someone else to help them so you wouldn’t have had to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just a vent to be honest.

the In-Laws live in a modest 55+ community and it took a lot of effort to get them to move about 5 years ago. It was great.
the old house was run down and needed to be updated.

The lived conservatively, nice cars but 10 years old, vacations but nothing flashy. we always worried that they would run out of money.
They wouldn't get a new dishwasher even though the last one was a POS. Mostly due to the FIL who ran the house.

FIL passes away and we find out they have $7mm investment account.

Really wish they were able to enjoy the $$ and use the money to make their lives easier - getting a cleaning lady, other help around the house, nicer meals out.

hopefully the MIL decides to live life a bit easier but frugality is hard wired into their brains.

Some people enjoy their money more with it sitting in an account and growing. Don't put your values on other people; it doesn't help or even work.

OP Here -

I guess to respond to this (and the post above it with the same idea that not our business) -

It does impact us in the sense that we all are very busy and the FIL/MIL had demands on our time that we felt could have been outsourced.

Then say no.

How old are you again?

we were taught to respect our elders and we help our families out.

it's not as easy for us to say no - at least not as easy as you make it sound to be.

So you’re mad because you had to help them but you found out they could have paid someone else to help them so you wouldn’t have had to?

Well if that is what you take away from the post then so be it. Have a great day and thanks for the comments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up thinking i was poor. Never went on a family vacation (though my mom drove us to see an aunt in another state a few times for "vacation"). There was no "back to school shopping" for new clothes - when I did get something new, I was told to leave it in the car and bring it inside when my dad was asleep. Never went to summer programs. Paid for some music lessons with birthday money. Started babysitting at 12 years old so I could buy my own clothes and shampoo.

It was a miserable childhood and it took years to get over my fear of spending money.

They were sitting on millions.

It was infuriating when I found out. F them.

How did you find out? Do you talk to them now? Do you expect to inherit anything? Asking sincerely. Your story is fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Oh BS.

Not necessarily "BS." DP

Absolutely. My 6 year old Bosch dw died. When I asked the repair person what to buy instead he said 7 years is the life expectancy now.

Sort of. Even for simple repairs, the cost of the service call makes repair prohibitive. The pressure switch died in my five-year-old dishwasher. The part is $30 but a service call is $300. You are halfway to a new model, so why would you repair it?

Not for a Miele. I recently replaced a 15 year old Miele because I wanted the front panel to match my new cabinets. Went through two Boschs before that in 5 years. Yes, I replaced it with another Miele.

This. Our whole kitchen (and laundry) is 16 year old Miele appliances and they work great. They've all been repaired for various things, and I've even done a bunch of those myself. All the component diagrams are online and every part can be ordered to your house in a few days, it's awesome.

We have plenty of money to buy all new appliances, but I don't know why I'd replace the ones we have which are still working and easy to repair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Or more. I have an 86 year old vacuum cleaner. I kid you not. It has been passed down through 3 generations. It was a wedding gift to someone now deceased pre WWII. We refer to it as the family heirloom. At this point it has more longevity than any of my relatives now alive. I'd never replace that thing. It's been through wars, so many dogs, multiple generations of my family, a couple of hoses, a replacement cord, a couple of states, a lot of houses. Once upon a time my barely lower middle class family thought it was an extravagant and expensive gift. Now we're prosperous by any measure. Some people like to keep what they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Or more. I have an 86 year old vacuum cleaner. I kid you not. It has been passed down through 3 generations. It was a wedding gift to someone now deceased pre WWII. We refer to it as the family heirloom. At this point it has more longevity than any of my relatives now alive. I'd never replace that thing. It's been through wars, so many dogs, multiple generations of my family, a couple of hoses, a replacement cord, a couple of states, a lot of houses. Once upon a time my barely lower middle class family thought it was an extravagant and expensive gift. Now we're prosperous by any measure. Some people like to keep what they have.

Hopefully you’ve deep cleaned it, I can only imagine the mold spores it’s harboring if not…