Restaurant Checks

[Anonymous]

Troll post

[Anonymous]

This relationship is not going to last. You seem weird! Your partner will eventually break up with you. If your partner is loaded, then they will have no issues finding a new love especially being widowed.
I'm widowed and I live with my boyfriend and we share rent and take turns paying for dinner. We make similar salaries and eat at places that we can afford.

[Anonymous]

It seems unfair that the one who makes the most money insists on being treated all the time.

This is definitely unfair & this topic needs to be discussed + resolved if the relationship is to continue on w/out future conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: my partner was raised on perhaps the largest estate on the most prominent point of the richest island in the USA. But they say they are by no means to the manor born. Go figure.

Like I said prima donna. If the man was the higher income one he would not care one bit. Women keep score like this.

Not because women are cheap but because we were raised with gender roles : it’s shameful for a woman to pick up a tab at a restaurant for a man. It’s a sexual turn off for me. I can get expensive show tickets but he must pay for the meal at the show period

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: my partner was raised on perhaps the largest estate on the most prominent point of the richest island in the USA. But they say they are by no means to the manor born. Go figure.

Like I said prima donna. If the man was the higher income one he would not care one bit. Women keep score like this.

Not because women are cheap but because we were raised with gender roles : it’s shameful for a woman to pick up a tab at a restaurant for a man. It’s a sexual turn off for me. I can get expensive show tickets but he must pay for the meal at the show period

Why?

Because if I pay for him in the restaurant it’s a sexual turn off. Like, he’s devaluing himself as a male. Gender roles - men protector, the hunter who brings the kill to the cave etc - something here seriously messed up. I avoid petty men who count what they spend on restaurants.
besides , OP did say their lifestyle greatly improved thanks to his GF making travel arrangements. That’s way more valuable (in dollar cost) than restaurants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems unfair that the one who makes the most money insists on being treated all the time.

This is definitely unfair & this topic needs to be discussed + resolved if the relationship is to continue on w/out future conflict.

She makes all travel arrangements and expensive lifestyle perks. Op is an ungrateful miser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a long term committed relationship (3 years so far); we love each other very much (as in ‘til death do is part). Each of us are in only our second serious relationship, after tragically losing our spouses of multiple decades.

In our marriages, finances were joint, and it never mattered a whit who paid a restaurant bill, from inexpensive to lavish, because everything was from one pot. Now in this relationship we have separate finances but a joint account to pay for hotels and restaurants. However, my partner, despite significantly out earning me and with a higher net worth, doesn’t like it when an expensive meal goes on the joint card — they want to be treated.

This is a source of sporadic tension. I like things to be as fair and equitable as possible. They just like to be treated. Well doesn’t everybody? I’m not sure how to prevent these flair-ups, but consistently picking up big checks for my richer partner is not sustainable. And talking about it is unpleasant and ruins the mood.

Has anyone out there successfully navigated this kind of situation?

Troll

[Anonymous]

This wordy long post is such BS.

In a long term relationship, “treated” is for your birthday or a congratulatory event.
Not merely going out to dinner at a fancy expensive place.

So is there a thank you or congratulatory event? If so, pay for them and make it clear up front. If not? And yours both just trying out the new pricey restaurant, split it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what is the purpose of the joint account for restaurants if it cannot be used for restaurants? Why does your partner want to be treated? Yes, everybody would like to be treated. Every day. Forever.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you agree on funding that account pro-rata your earnings post tax and post obligations to other parties ?

If this is a lifestyle issue (eg the partner considers expensive restaurants a waste) then you shouldn’t be with them at all. This is very hard to overcome

Who said this about expensive restaurants?
wtf did they pick it then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you know it's an issue, on her bday, anniversary, Valentine's Day, whenever you should offer to pay. You are not married and she wants to be romanced. There is nothing wrong with that. You could ask her what the root of her concern is. It might be worth the convo. I expect she is over the limitation of your income and doesn't want to finance you any more.

I always pay 100% for these except once when there were two VD meals and I put one on the joint card. VD day is for both partners, amirite? And where did I reveal our sexes?

LOL you didn’t reveal your sexes but any man who earned more than his partner and expected to be treated all the time would be kicked to the curb immediately, so it was obvious. I’m a woman and I’d kick her to the curb too but I’ve always believed in equality

To be fair, my partner certainly doesn’t want/expect to be treated all the time; they just are clearly not loving/respecting the 50/50 imposed by the joint card. BTW, my partner is half a decade older than me and has inherited a lot of money, something that will happen to me too but on a different schedule because of the age difference.

5 years is peanuts.

You already are treating them since it’s such a larger % of your after tax earnings, than there’s, going into the joint account.

Are they just cheap or have lots of kids and grandkids to fund still??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: my partner was raised on perhaps the largest estate on the most prominent point of the richest island in the USA. But they say they are by no means to the manor born. Go figure.

Lol

Go home troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This relationship is not going to last. You seem weird! Your partner will eventually break up with you. If your partner is loaded, then they will have no issues finding a new love especially being widowed.
I'm widowed and I live with my boyfriend and we share rent and take turns paying for dinner. We make similar salaries and eat at places that we can afford.

Why is OP weird? It seems like you split and take turns like he wish she would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t marry this prima Donna.

I don't think the partner is a prima Donna if they're paying OP's way through vacations and other expenses. They just want some fair play.

OP admits their lifestyle is significantly nicer because of this person's income. Are they willing to give that up?

He’s taking her using her travel points as granted. As if there is no monetary value while in fact some points are worth a lot. I’m a long term member of homeexchange - each point can be $1.5-2.5 if you convert into nightly cost at comparable properties.
His partner can take her kids and friends to enjoy the lifestyle on these points.

I personally see no value in such a man when she arranges free accommodations he can’t even organize a travel program and restaurants ? WTF

Go get a side gig, dude . Or date nurses or teachers not heiress from Martha Vinyard

Can you leave your children points? If not, no, it’s on the same playing field as cash. I wonder if she’s like the restaurant poster and has some serious gender expectations here that she won’t say flat out. That she must be courted. Yes, yes you haven’t revealed the genders but it’s clear the higher earning partner is a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t marry this prima Donna.

I don't think the partner is a prima Donna if they're paying OP's way through vacations and other expenses. They just want some fair play.

OP admits their lifestyle is significantly nicer because of this person's income. Are they willing to give that up?

He’s taking her using her travel points as granted. As if there is no monetary value while in fact some points are worth a lot. I’m a long term member of homeexchange - each point can be $1.5-2.5 if you convert into nightly cost at comparable properties.
His partner can take her kids and friends to enjoy the lifestyle on these points.

I personally see no value in such a man when she arranges free accommodations he can’t even organize a travel program and restaurants ? WTF

Go get a side gig, dude . Or date nurses or teachers not [b]heiress from Martha Vinyard[b]

Is this another Belle Burden post?

The problem with one person contributing points and the other, less wealthy partner forking over cash is that it exacerbates the problem: one partner is being stretched very thin and the other never dips into capital at all. When two partners have disparate finances, the only fair way to live the high life involves the wealthier partner paying a bigger share.