Restaurant Checks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t marry this prima Donna.

I don't think the partner is a prima Donna if they're paying OP's way through vacations and other expenses. They just want some fair play.

OP admits their lifestyle is significantly nicer because of this person's income. Are they willing to give that up?

He’s taking her using her travel points as granted. As if there is no monetary value while in fact some points are worth a lot. I’m a long term member of homeexchange - each point can be $1.5-2.5 if you convert into nightly cost at comparable properties.
His partner can take her kids and friends to enjoy the lifestyle on these points.

I personally see no value in such a man when she arranges free accommodations he can’t even organize a travel program and restaurants ? WTF

Go get a side gig, dude . Or date nurses or teachers not heiress from Martha Vinyard

Can you leave your children points? If not, no, it’s on the same playing field as cash. I wonder if she’s like the restaurant poster and has some serious gender expectations here that she won’t say flat out. That she must be courted. Yes, yes you haven’t revealed the genders but it’s clear the higher earning partner is a woman.

OP is saving big time on his travel budget thanks to her points. It just irks him that she’s able to live off interest and he has to spend the current income on his expenses (which he would have done in higher rate anyways, if he wasn’t with her and dated a less fortunate woman). He keeps counting her estate as it bothers his kids have lower lifestyle, and he wants a woman nearly fully fund his lifestyle. That won’t “fly” with most women
No decent man cares for restaurant checks. He can offer her travel camping though if he thinks that would help achieving parity

I’m a woman and it would never fly with me if an SO thought spending points was the same as my spending cash. Difference is that I’m not as trapped by gender roles as you are.

Nope. Wouldn’t matter to me. But a man waiting for me to sign a check at a restaurant would never be in my bedroom.

Making it sound like you are for sale (and cheaply) isn’t the flex you think.

This 💯

You need to work on your self esteem if you think a man paying for your meal entitles him to your body. In fact, it’s the reverse : him treating makes YOU want him more. If that makes him wanting the woman less because he’s cheap or constantly keeping score - they are just not a match. Move on plenty of fish

I date a regular office clerk he treats me all the time . That’s a dating standard. If I were in a LTR I would simply agree to fund the joint account pro rata wealth level

Actually it sounds like *your* self esteem and sexuality rise on a restaurant check. You are the one raising it. Others note that you sound old and lame.

Is this OP above commenting like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t marry this prima Donna.

I don't think the partner is a prima Donna if they're paying OP's way through vacations and other expenses. They just want some fair play.

OP admits their lifestyle is significantly nicer because of this person's income. Are they willing to give that up?

He’s taking her using her travel points as granted. As if there is no monetary value while in fact some points are worth a lot. I’m a long term member of homeexchange - each point can be $1.5-2.5 if you convert into nightly cost at comparable properties.
His partner can take her kids and friends to enjoy the lifestyle on these points.

I personally see no value in such a man when she arranges free accommodations he can’t even organize a travel program and restaurants ? WTF

Go get a side gig, dude . Or date nurses or teachers not heiress from Martha Vinyard

Can you leave your children points? If not, no, it’s on the same playing field as cash. I wonder if she’s like the restaurant poster and has some serious gender expectations here that she won’t say flat out. That she must be courted. Yes, yes you haven’t revealed the genders but it’s clear the higher earning partner is a woman.

OP is saving big time on his travel budget thanks to her points. It just irks him that she’s able to live off interest and he has to spend the current income on his expenses (which he would have done in higher rate anyways, if he wasn’t with her and dated a less fortunate woman). He keeps counting her estate as it bothers his kids have lower lifestyle, and he wants a woman nearly fully fund his lifestyle. That won’t “fly” with most women
No decent man cares for restaurant checks. He can offer her travel camping though if he thinks that would help achieving parity

I’m a woman and it would never fly with me if an SO thought spending points was the same as my spending cash. Difference is that I’m not as trapped by gender roles as you are.

Nope. Wouldn’t matter to me. But a man waiting for me to sign a check at a restaurant would never be in my bedroom.

glad you're honest about your job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t marry this prima Donna.

I don't think the partner is a prima Donna if they're paying OP's way through vacations and other expenses. They just want some fair play.

OP admits their lifestyle is significantly nicer because of this person's income. Are they willing to give that up?

He’s taking her using her travel points as granted. As if there is no monetary value while in fact some points are worth a lot. I’m a long term member of homeexchange - each point can be $1.5-2.5 if you convert into nightly cost at comparable properties.
His partner can take her kids and friends to enjoy the lifestyle on these points.

I personally see no value in such a man when she arranges free accommodations he can’t even organize a travel program and restaurants ? WTF

Go get a side gig, dude . Or date nurses or teachers not heiress from Martha Vinyard

Can you leave your children points? If not, no, it’s on the same playing field as cash. I wonder if she’s like the restaurant poster and has some serious gender expectations here that she won’t say flat out. That she must be courted. Yes, yes you haven’t revealed the genders but it’s clear the higher earning partner is a woman.

OP is saving big time on his travel budget thanks to her points. It just irks him that she’s able to live off interest and he has to spend the current income on his expenses (which he would have done in higher rate anyways, if he wasn’t with her and dated a less fortunate woman). He keeps counting her estate as it bothers his kids have lower lifestyle, and he wants a woman nearly fully fund his lifestyle. That won’t “fly” with most women
No decent man cares for restaurant checks. He can offer her travel camping though if he thinks that would help achieving parity

I’m a woman and it would never fly with me if an SO thought spending points was the same as my spending cash. Difference is that I’m not as trapped by gender roles as you are.

Nope. Wouldn’t matter to me. But a man waiting for me to sign a check at a restaurant would never be in my bedroom.

Making it sound like you are for sale (and cheaply) isn’t the flex you think.

This 💯

You need to work on your self esteem if you think a man paying for your meal entitles him to your body. In fact, it’s the reverse : him treating makes YOU want him more. If that makes him wanting the woman less because he’s cheap or constantly keeping score - they are just not a match. Move on plenty of fish

I date a regular office clerk he treats me all the time . That’s a dating standard. If I were in a LTR I would simply agree to fund the joint account pro rata wealth level

Actually it sounds like *your* self esteem and sexuality rise on a restaurant check. You are the one raising it. Others note that you sound old and lame.

Is this OP above commenting like this?

It wasn’t me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else find this joint entertainment account weird? I mean, it's not a horrible idea or anything, but I have never heard of anyone doing this.

So I want to know how this came about. Was there tension over who was paying for dates?

OP here. This should answer a number of questions. The joint entertainment account arose because the previous arrangement — my partner occasionally picking up checks — was clearly creating tension — are they going to pick up this check? So I advocated the joint approach: since we’re together forever, why shouldn't picking up restaurant checks be the same as married couples with one-pot finances — it matters not whose card is used to pay the bill.

But my partner, while seeing the (irrefutable) logic of this, was not a fan I think. They were in a mindset of wanting to be taken out for dinner.

Because you aren't committed, you aren't together forever, and you aren't married!

[Anonymous]

You are on borrowed time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else find this joint entertainment account weird? I mean, it's not a horrible idea or anything, but I have never heard of anyone doing this.

So I want to know how this came about. Was there tension over who was paying for dates?

OP here. This should answer a number of questions. The joint entertainment account arose because the previous arrangement — my partner occasionally picking up checks — was clearly creating tension — are they going to pick up this check? So I advocated the joint approach: since we’re together forever, why shouldn't picking up restaurant checks be the same as married couples with one-pot finances — it matters not whose card is used to pay the bill.

But my partner, while seeing the (irrefutable) logic of this, was not a fan I think. They were in a mindset of wanting to be taken out for dinner.

Because you aren't committed, you aren't together forever, and you aren't married!

Why would you say that? Lots of committed, together-forever couples decide that getting married is unnecessary. Do we need to get married before our dinners out can come out of the joint pot?

[Anonymous]

OK tbh, if the partner pays for accommodations, then the restaurant check should not be a big deal. I can imagine the accommodations with such a partner are quite lavish. In the end, you need to decide what you're getting out of what you're willing to put in. Were you to date a poorer partner (woman), you'd be paying for accommodations, dinners and travel and everything else (believe me, lots of women would expect that)... so I'm not sure you'd be in any better condition financially as regards to your estate (that you want to leave to your children).

[Anonymous]

Move along. HUGE red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should quit saying how happy you both are and how this relationship is "forever". It sounds like you are both having resentment about this issue for opposite reasons.

I'd like to know how the joint account is funded. Do you each put in $1000? Or does your partner put in $1500 and you put in $500 because they earn 3x your income? It seems like just funding the account is going to lead to the issues you're trying to avoid.

Your partner wants you to spend beyond your budget because they want to enjoy entertainment equivalent to their income. Just going to Bob's Bar & Grill instead of the fancy steakhouse isn't going to solve this issue. They want the upscale dinner and it sounds like they want you to pay for it all.

Probably because they have tallied up the value of hotel and travel expenses that they are covering from points and other perks. And they probably push for the $1000/night hotel when you might have chosen the $200/night option. So even if you pay half, you are still straining your budget.

I don't think they "love" you enough to want to carry you, in order for you to join them in their more expensive lifestyle. If you are paying half and sometimes all, they don't have to face the fact that your wealth class is a notch or two below them.

And they aren't looking at your income/expenses spreadsheet to see how much this is stretching you thin.

You are dating for now and with kids (even adult kids) on both sides, getting married would be a mess financially.

I'd bet if they were writing about this issue, they wouldn't be saying they know that you two are going to be together forever.

Something is going to break soon - either you say you've reached your financial limit and can't pay for more. Or they are going to be resentful that they are putting so much more cash into a dating relationship where they have nice tastes and an expectation that you should share the entertainment expenses equally, or even that you pay a little more because they have *reasons*.

Have that talk now, even if it means they decide they can find a future partner that can equal them in affording travel & dining expenses.

This is a read 🔥

I think this is really well-said. Sadly OP your GF is in that class of people who, as sincere as they think they’re being, live in a world of luxuries that they take for granted. What this means is that what is just baseline for them feels “pay-to-play” for you. Not sure about the forever part

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK tbh, if the partner pays for accommodations, then the restaurant check should not be a big deal. I can imagine the accommodations with such a partner are quite lavish. In the end, you need to decide what you're getting out of what you're willing to put in. Were you to date a poorer partner (woman), you'd be paying for accommodations, dinners and travel and everything else (believe me, lots of women would expect that)... so I'm not sure you'd be in any better condition financially as regards to your estate (that you want to leave to your children).

Yes, he’s benefiting off her lifestyle (which is why he’s dating her, not a poorer woman who would expect him to pay for everything). But he feels contempt that his kids are worse off than hers, her lawn is not as nice, she doesn’t touch the principal and he does. He wants her also feel the economic pain. But she’s too well off to feel that pain.

But he forgets she’s a different SES and don’t owe him these lavish vacations. In fact she can go on bumble and 10 hot guys all 20 years younger willing to go on these vacations with her.

Good luck you are on borrowed time OP. Start looking for a flower girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should quit saying how happy you both are and how this relationship is "forever". It sounds like you are both having resentment about this issue for opposite reasons.

I'd like to know how the joint account is funded. Do you each put in $1000? Or does your partner put in $1500 and you put in $500 because they earn 3x your income? It seems like just funding the account is going to lead to the issues you're trying to avoid.

Your partner wants you to spend beyond your budget because they want to enjoy entertainment equivalent to their income. Just going to Bob's Bar & Grill instead of the fancy steakhouse isn't going to solve this issue. They want the upscale dinner and it sounds like they want you to pay for it all.

Probably because they have tallied up the value of hotel and travel expenses that they are covering from points and other perks. And they probably push for the $1000/night hotel when you might have chosen the $200/night option. So even if you pay half, you are still straining your budget.

I don't think they "love" you enough to want to carry you, in order for you to join them in their more expensive lifestyle. If you are paying half and sometimes all, they don't have to face the fact that your wealth class is a notch or two below them.

And they aren't looking at your income/expenses spreadsheet to see how much this is stretching you thin.

You are dating for now and with kids (even adult kids) on both sides, getting married would be a mess financially.

I'd bet if they were writing about this issue, they wouldn't be saying they know that you two are going to be together forever.

Something is going to break soon - either you say you've reached your financial limit and can't pay for more. Or they are going to be resentful that they are putting so much more cash into a dating relationship where they have nice tastes and an expectation that you should share the entertainment expenses equally, or even that you pay a little more because they have *reasons*.

Have that talk now, even if it means they decide they can find a future partner that can equal them in affording travel & dining expenses.

This is a read 🔥

I think this is really well-said. Sadly OP your GF is in that class of people who, as sincere as they think they’re being, live in a world of luxuries that they take for granted. What this means is that what is just baseline for them feels “pay-to-play” for you. Not sure about the forever part

I don’t think she’s taking him for granted. She simply knows he’s not worth much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move along. HUGE red flag.

Agree OP is a huge red flag he should move on to a social worker