Ex-gf reached out w nasty message

[Anonymous]

I entertained a crazy ex in a situation like this and it almost destroyed my marriage.

To this day my wife still gets extremely emotional (crying, sobbing, anxiety attacks, etc.) over this ex.

I hadn't seen that girl in more than 5 years she has BPD and legitimately started stalking after I realized she was batshit and told me she was in and out of a psych ward for a year.

OP please run and never turn back. Please please please. I have anxiety just thinking about this girl.

[Anonymous]

Oh no! The crazy ex-gfs are out there and they won't let you settle with anyone else either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never stick your dick in crazy

This. But, we all do it and you just have to pay the price. For those 3 years, I'm sure you had your fun with her. She will fade away eventually when she gets under another man and stops blaming everything on you. Feel sorry for that future guy. He's going to hear all about you but, he's make the same mistake and stick his D in crazy. We just can't help it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never stick your dick in crazy

This. But, we all do it and you just have to pay the price. For those 3 years, I'm sure you had your fun with her. She will fade away eventually when she gets under another man and stops blaming everything on you. Feel sorry for that future guy. He's going to hear all about you but, he's make the same mistake and stick his D in crazy. We just can't help it.

oh yeah, that's for sure but I doubt Op's ex could find someone reasonable to be a partner. If you are this level of crazy then either you just date, date or find FWB. Having a committed relationship with a partner is work and if she was abusive before with OP then sure it will come out in the next relationship. People like this should work on themselves first before destroying others' lives.

[Anonymous]

she needs a lot of therapy and some medications to calm herself down.

[Anonymous]

no need to engage with crazies like this. Stay away from her, OP. The more you engage, the nastier her messages are going to get.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, once you sleep with crazy it can come back at anytime. My ex-gf from high school suddenly showed up at my door ranting about how I visited her in some sort of mental or spiritual form or whatever. I had no idea what she was talking about and hadn't spoken to or even thought of her in decades. She was taken away by paramedics who said she seemed to be having a psychotic episode. My wife was obviously pissed off and concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, once you sleep with crazy it can come back at anytime. My ex-gf from high school suddenly showed up at my door ranting about how I visited her in some sort of mental or spiritual form or whatever. I had no idea what she was talking about and hadn't spoken to or even thought of her in decades. She was taken away by paramedics who said she seemed to be having a psychotic episode. My wife was obviously pissed off and concerned.

wth! this is super crazy. She showed up after decades and how the heck did she find your place?

[Anonymous]

Op, her crazy would never stop if you engage with her. Seems like she is regretting losing you and can't handle you getting in to a new relationship. If she was abusive, then she would be very frustrated thinking about no control over you. I say, good riddance and you dodged a bullet. Imagine marrying her. Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your ex's behavior is inappropriate and unhealthy but you are engaging in multiple behaviors that likely made it worse. It's fine to be unhappy with her for what she's doing, but you need to recognize what you are doing as well:

1) She sent you a nice message seeking to rekindle the relationship and you chose to ignore it. You needed to respond, state clearly and kindly that you were not interested in getting back together, and that you wished her well. This is what growtnups do.

2) At the point she sent you the mean message and it was clear she was stalking your new GF's socials, you should not only have blocked her on your socials but told your GF what happened and ask that she either not post photos of you or lock down any posts featuring you so they aren't public. Once your ex is in the habit of stalking her socials, every post of you will just feed it and the only way to break it is to give her nothing to see.

Again, the ex's behavior is totally wrong here, but this kind of thing happens. Many, many people have trouble dealing with rejection due to mental health issues. But bad social behavior (like ghosting and ignoring) combined with people being very public on their social media exacerbates this issue. You need to do what you can on your end to cool the situation off. You made this worse.

He ABSOLUTELY did not need to respond to the "nice" message. What is wrong with you?

Yes, he should have. He needed to set the boundary. Silence doesn't communicate what people think it does. He thinks "oh I didn't respond, she will understand that means I have no interest." In reality, depending on her state of mind, she fills that silence with all kinds of things that might not be true. That was his opportunity to set the tone for their interactions by being polite and kind but also very clearly letting her know he wasn't interested in getting back together and was moving on.

It was cowardly not to just to respond that he is not interested but wishes her well. And if you care about someone enough to have an intimate relationship with them, you do actually have a moral obligation to at least acknowledge their existence in the future. You don't have to stay friends or entertain the idea that you'll get back together, but it's incredibly rude to simply act like they don't exist. And people in fragile emotional states tend to respond very poorly to ghosting.

Total bs. The boundry was set when he broke up with her. Silence communicates that he does not wish to engage. Ex GF should have respected that. THAT is what normal people do. You're just another lunatic who thinks the world owes you something like OP's ex.

He doesn’t owe her a response, it would just be a nice thing to do, given how long they’d been together.

No, just no. Based on how she lashed out at him after not getting a response I would have done the same. He knows her better than you all. He doesn't want to engage with crazy and that's perfectly fine. Her massage wasn't nice. It's manipulation and scheming. She knows he is in a new relationship and completely disrespected that. She deserves nothing.

+1 she saw that Instagram before she even reached out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women don't take rejection very well. You should arrange to have sex with your ex then claim she's a crazy nutcase if she reaches out to your gf again.

How about no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No, I am not splashing anything on social media. My new gf just tags me if we are going somewhere but not me.

Second, it is over and done so not sure why the reason for bitterness. Reason I broke up with her is because she is like this - manipulative, controlling and toxic and I don't want to be a part of it.

Ask your gf to stop tagging you.

Do you even have a question?

Why? to appease the ex? Absolutly not! OP, I would block her number and ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No, I am not splashing anything on social media. My new gf just tags me if we are going somewhere but not me.

Second, it is over and done so not sure why the reason for bitterness. Reason I broke up with her is because she is like this - manipulative, controlling and toxic and I don't want to be a part of it.

Ask your gf to stop tagging you.

Do you even have a question?

Why? to appease the ex? Absolutly not! OP, I would block her number and ignore.

I agree. No need to change your personal lifestyle if the ex has issues with it. imagine being controlled how your ex would react if you get tagged on a FB post or anything like that. That means you are still co-dependent. How your ex feels is not OPs responsibility and what he did was 100% right.

[Anonymous]

I hate instagram. Especially when grown women regularly use it.

[Anonymous]

No need to change anything for ex. If she is so petty and jealous then she is better off in no-contact.