Problematic drinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess the part that makes me pause on doing anything is that it only happens a few times a year, so it feels dramatic of me.

You started this thread two weeks ago. You resurrected it today. Clearly you know this is more than "problematic" and chances are he drinks a lot more than you or he will actually admit. You have kids at home. You are letting them grow up in an alcoholic household. No one is saying you need to pack up and leave immediately. Most are saying you need AlAnon and or therapy to get a handle on how this is affecting you and your family.

Well I just got to thinking about it today again, I feel so conflicted. I think because I grew up in a blue collar city with lots of alcohol it makes me feel dramatic because everyone drank to forget. But I feel like times have changed and that isn't as normal, but my blue collar beer drinking dad would call me a wimp lol.

Conflicted about what? Going to Al-Anon?

You are getting consistent advice for pages and pages in this thread. Do you think it's all wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess the part that makes me pause on doing anything is that it only happens a few times a year, so it feels dramatic of me.

You started this thread two weeks ago. You resurrected it today. Clearly you know this is more than "problematic" and chances are he drinks a lot more than you or he will actually admit. You have kids at home. You are letting them grow up in an alcoholic household. No one is saying you need to pack up and leave immediately. Most are saying you need AlAnon and or therapy to get a handle on how this is affecting you and your family.

Well I just got to thinking about it today again, I feel so conflicted. I think because I grew up in a blue collar city with lots of alcohol it makes me feel dramatic because everyone drank to forget. But I feel like times have changed and that isn't as normal, but my blue collar beer drinking dad would call me a wimp lol.

Ever consider that you grew up around a bunch of alcoholics?

[Anonymous]

So, you grew up around alcoholism and ended up married to an alcoholic. This is not surprising. Get yourself to freaking AlAnon. Go consistently for 6 months. Read Codependent No More. Then, reevaluate.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you. I will. I bought the book and it’s coming tomorrow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess the part that makes me pause on doing anything is that it only happens a few times a year, so it feels dramatic of me.

You started this thread two weeks ago. You resurrected it today. Clearly you know this is more than "problematic" and chances are he drinks a lot more than you or he will actually admit. You have kids at home. You are letting them grow up in an alcoholic household. No one is saying you need to pack up and leave immediately. Most are saying you need AlAnon and or therapy to get a handle on how this is affecting you and your family.

Well I just got to thinking about it today again, I feel so conflicted. I think because I grew up in a blue collar city with lots of alcohol it makes me feel dramatic because everyone drank to forget. But I feel like times have changed and that isn't as normal, but my blue collar beer drinking dad would call me a wimp lol.

Maybe do better than your parents did?

You have a lot of people telling you this isn't ok. I imagine your kids will tell people they wish you had done something. But go on with your blue collar self if you want. I feel sorry for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess the part that makes me pause on doing anything is that it only happens a few times a year, so it feels dramatic of me.

You started this thread two weeks ago. You resurrected it today. Clearly you know this is more than "problematic" and chances are he drinks a lot more than you or he will actually admit. You have kids at home. You are letting them grow up in an alcoholic household. No one is saying you need to pack up and leave immediately. Most are saying you need AlAnon and or therapy to get a handle on how this is affecting you and your family.

Well I just got to thinking about it today again, I feel so conflicted. I think because I grew up in a blue collar city with lots of alcohol it makes me feel dramatic because everyone drank to forget. But I feel like times have changed and that isn't as normal, but my blue collar beer drinking dad would call me a wimp lol.

Ever consider that you grew up around a bunch of alcoholics?

+1000

Nobody can rationalize drinking like an alcoholic

[Anonymous]

DH drinks at our club bar regularly, and without fail, each occasion culminates in him becoming blackout drunk. He is profoundly unrecognizable from the man I married. His alcoholism has become so disruptive to our family life that I’ve had to hire outside help with the children, as his drinking frequently keeps him out until the early hours of the morning. More often than not, I find him passed out in the guest room.
I’ve considered leaving many times, but the financial devastation that would accompany a divorce has kept me paralyzed. I truly understand, OP. There is a particular kind of grief in watching the person you love slowly disappear into addiction while being forced to continue living alongside it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH drinks at our club bar regularly, and without fail, each occasion culminates in him becoming blackout drunk. He is profoundly unrecognizable from the man I married. His alcoholism has become so disruptive to our family life that I’ve had to hire outside help with the children, as his drinking frequently keeps him out until the early hours of the morning. More often than not, I find him passed out in the guest room.
I’ve considered leaving many times, but the financial devastation that would accompany a divorce has kept me paralyzed. I truly understand, OP. There is a particular kind of grief in watching the person you love slowly disappear into addiction while being forced to continue living alongside it.

OP here - I am so sorry to hear that. I get it. I wish that there was some way to meet other people like you- I guess that is what Al-Anon is for. Maybe one day I’ll meet you at a meeting when we both feel brave.

[Anonymous]

I say this with compassion, and as a longtime sober alcoholic/ member of AA. You will go to Al-Anon not when you feel brave, but when you feel scared, so scared you can’t go on. Or maybe so desperate that you are willing to try even that.

Al-Anon is awesome, but like AA, it’s not just meetings. It’s an actual 12 step program, that you’ll have to work closely with another member to do, and you’ll have to go to many meetings, not 2 or 3, before anything really starts to sink in. Actually, that was MY experience, but probably pretty common. I’m just saying it’s taken a good while to get to this status, and there’s no quick remedy or wisdom to learn how to live differently.

I hope you give Al-Anon a try, in-person. It’s free and there are lots of meetings. It’s free because it helps us to help someone else. And technically the basket will be passed and people will put $1 or $2 dollars in, to cover the room rent and any cookies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this with compassion, and as a longtime sober alcoholic/ member of AA. You will go to Al-Anon not when you feel brave, but when you feel scared, so scared you can’t go on. Or maybe so desperate that you are willing to try even that.

Al-Anon is awesome, but like AA, it’s not just meetings. It’s an actual 12 step program, that you’ll have to work closely with another member to do, and you’ll have to go to many meetings, not 2 or 3, before anything really starts to sink in. Actually, that was MY experience, but probably pretty common. I’m just saying it’s taken a good while to get to this status, and there’s no quick remedy or wisdom to learn how to live differently.

I hope you give Al-Anon a try, in-person. It’s free and there are lots of meetings. It’s free because it helps us to help someone else. And technically the basket will be passed and people will put $1 or $2 dollars in, to cover the room rent and any cookies.

Yes! Fellow AA-er here. And then you start to hear other people tell your story or parts of your story and you realize that it isn't unique and there is hope for you. I haven't been to AlAnon yet but I assume that, similar to AA, often when people share really terrible stories, there's a lot of laughter because we share common absurd and awful experiences. The 12 steps are so simple and so powerful. AlAnon will be part of my journey because I'm an alcoholic in recovery who was married to a still active addict and I come from an alcoholic family. People I know who do the AlAnon program find it incredibly helpful. They all know they can't fix the alcoholic or addict but they develop sane coping strategies.