Problematic drinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have any guns?

Or a car?

Yes to car, no to gun.
Do I say anything to him about my plans to go to AlAnon or try to get him to stop again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here. Thank you. I think I keep hoping it will get better but it just repeats itself.

Definitely check it out. I think there are in person and online meetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

His drinking is affecting you. That is reason enough to seek support. If you have children, that's even more pressing. There are dynamics between the alcoholic (binge drinker) and their partner. Oftentimes, the partner can become an enabler and or codependent. If you have kids, it is not good to grow up in a home with a problem drinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have any guns?

Or a car?

Yes to car, no to gun.
Do I say anything to him about my plans to go to AlAnon or try to get him to stop again?

We don't know him, so we can't tell you that. In your place, I would find an al anon meeting and attend a few before I told him. I think you need to start to work through your piece of this (denial, enabling, etc) before you tell him. Alcoholics (and other addicts) respond in predictable ways which you can be prepared for with information you gain at al anon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic???? but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

You really need to face reality. Alcoholism is exactly what that's called. Try Al-Anon. It was a real wake-up call for me and not what you'd expect. It's about you and not the alcoholic in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Binge drinking disorder

Binge drinking is a problem. It's an insidious problem because a lot of times binge drinkers can hide their problem from just the people they cohabitate with. But binge drinks a problem. A close family friend was a binge drinker. He'd be fine for four to five months and then have a lost week. Not a weekend, a week. Finally he killed himself during one of his binge weeks while his wife was on a business trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have any guns?

Or a car?

Yes to car, no to gun.
Do I say anything to him about my plans to go to AlAnon or try to get him to stop again?

You just go. You don’t even have to tell him. Don’t wait! You could be waiting forever.

[Anonymous]

Start reading Codependent No More and multiple AlAnon meetings. You cannot convince him to stop. Just the fact that you think this might change if you just say or do the magical right thing shows how much help you need.

If you don’t have children, don’t have any. If you do have children, listen a lot of AlAnon to think about what they need.

And be ready for your kids to blame you in addition to your husband for any dysfunction they are seeing. You aren’t hiding as much as you think.

[Anonymous]

He’s an alcoholic and you’re fooling yourself by thinking it’s mostly good.

-Someone finally divorcing their alcoholic husband who has a somewhat similar pattern (he doesn’t drink that much but he sneaks it after I go to bed every night and can’t stop).

[Anonymous]

OP here - an honest question - how am I enabling if I argue with him and get mad at him whenever it happens? That part confuses me. I don’t drink and I don’t support his binge drinking.
Also I have teens - they seem to see things pretty clearly so I am worried about that but also not as worried bc they see things clearly if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - an honest question - how am I enabling if I argue with him and get mad at him whenever it happens? That part confuses me. I don’t drink and I don’t support his binge drinking.
Also I have teens - they seem to see things pretty clearly so I am worried about that but also not as worried bc they see things clearly if that makes sense.

Go to AlAnon and start reading to get the answer to this question. And stop wasting your breath arguing with him. Personally, I would get a divorce. But I grew up with an alcoholic dad and don’t have time for this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - an honest question - how am I enabling if I argue with him and get mad at him whenever it happens? That part confuses me. I don’t drink and I don’t support his binge drinking.
Also I have teens - they seem to see things pretty clearly so I am worried about that but also not as worried bc they see things clearly if that makes sense.

Alcoholics are addicts. You can't yell the alcoholism away. When he drinks alcohol he cannot control how much he consumes, even if there are negative consequences. Please listen to everyone suggesting you get yourself to AlAnon. Also, as with AA, not every group will appeal to you but there is a wide range of in person and zoom meetings. Even if you don't like a meeting just listen. Eventually you will recognize your own story in the stories shared by many others and you will get a set of tools that will let you decide what next steps you need to take. His drinking impacts your family and your kids. You are part of the dynamic/family system. Everyone I know who goes to AlAnon regularly has found it incredibly useful. I'm in AA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - an honest question - how am I enabling if I argue with him and get mad at him whenever it happens? That part confuses me. I don’t drink and I don’t support his binge drinking.
Also I have teens - they seem to see things pretty clearly so I am worried about that but also not as worried bc they see things clearly if that makes sense.

Alcoholics are addicts. You can't yell the alcoholism away. When he drinks alcohol he cannot control how much he consumes, even if there are negative consequences. Please listen to everyone suggesting you get yourself to AlAnon. Also, as with AA, not every group will appeal to you but there is a wide range of in person and zoom meetings. Even if you don't like a meeting just listen. Eventually you will recognize your own story in the stories shared by many others and you will get a set of tools that will let you decide what next steps you need to take. His drinking impacts your family and your kids. You are part of the dynamic/family system. Everyone I know who goes to AlAnon regularly has found it incredibly useful. I'm in AA.

^^ also, there is a lot more to alcoholism than drinking, and quitting drinking without addressing underlying, usually life long issues (called "isms" in AA) isn't enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Alcohol Use Disorder

which is alcoholism

[Anonymous]

Lots of Al Anon meetings online! I attended some when my DH was in a bad place. He is thankfully sober now, but still mean!