DD not excited about any of her options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has applied broadly to 10+ schools and is more of an average student (3.5w in NoVa, test optional), and has gotten some great acceptances (in my book) but is not really in love with any of them.

She would ideally be a business or marketing major but did not apply to the business school at most college because it was more competitive.

Her current choices are: JMU, Michigan state, Indiana, college of Charleston, and is requesting review to main campus at Penn state. (Accepted to 2+2).

She is not really interested in some of the smaller schools we looked at.

How can I help her come to terms with the fact that there may be no “dream” school for her? Also she does not want to take a gap year or go to NOVA and then transfer.

If unwilling to do a gap year or NOVA, those are the cards she was dealt. Time to put her big girl pants on and pick one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We are visiting the schools. We are on a visit to one of these schools now and this is when she finally confessed how she feels, in tears.

For those who are telling us she should have worked harder, thanks for that unhelpful advice. She had a rough freshman year grades-wise and it’s been hard to recover. She knows it too.

Op screw anyone who says your DD should have done x,y,z differently.

Aside from that, my DD is in same boat. She got some really amazing OOS acceptances with generous offers but was deferred from her dream school in ED- she had worked her butt off for years to get into that school sometimes at the sacrifice of friends and fun. College admissions is no guarantee. We are approaching it by doing in person and virtual visits, determining what she wants from a school and the surrounding area and doing a pros cons list. Are there any rolling admissions schools she might love?

Oh, grow up.

Your kid's situation is entirely different. She had a "dream school" and "worked her butt off for years . . . at the sacrifice of friends and fun" to try and get in.

OP's kid didn't do that. She had a 3.5 weighted GPA and test scores not worth submitting. And she got into perfectly fine schools.

She's suffering from Yorktown/McLean/Langley college envy, which is a real thing, and no college with rolling admissions is going to be any better academically or prestige-wise than the ones that have already taken her. She just needs to live with her very good options and move on. A few years down the road she won't even think about this.

There are worse things in life.

[Anonymous]

JMU or MSU

IU can be cliquey if you didn’t go to an Indiana public HS and aren’t interested in Greek life. Not worth paying $$ for- esp not if she actually wants to study business- at least in my opinion.

MSU is super friendly and fun.
JMU is terrific and she would find her people and have fun.

Great options all around. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

It’s so hard to get into UVA now. JMU has alll the students who would’ve gotten into UVA 15 yrs ago. She shouldn’t be surprised when she finds her peer group is as smart or smarter than her. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Honestly nothing you say or do is going to help her “come to terms” with this. Step back, give her space, tell her you are happy to be a sounding board as she makes this decision. Tell her you are proud of her, that you have the utmost confidence in her, that you don’t think there is a one right decision here but just multiple good ones and no bad ones, and that whatever she decides you will support her in, but the t-shirt and wear it proudly.

You can’t swoop in and say some magic words to fix how she feels not should you. This is necessary work she needs to do to grow.

[Anonymous]

She could get into Miami University which had a good business school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We are visiting the schools. We are on a visit to one of these schools now and this is when she finally confessed how she feels, in tears.

For those who are telling us she should have worked harder, thanks for that unhelpful advice. She had a rough freshman year grades-wise and it’s been hard to recover. She knows it too.

My DS is in the same position, and people act like it's catching. Your DD has some good choices (as does my DS). While I think my DS could have worked harder in HS, I also think that he doesn't want to be in that rat race, and the schools that he got into are better choices for him[b] than higher ranked schools.

It's hard for our kids to leave home. Just keep encouraging your DD. Good luck to you both!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JMU or MSU

IU can be cliquey if you didn’t go to an Indiana public HS and aren’t interested in Greek life. Not worth paying $$ for- esp not if she actually wants to study business- at least in my opinion.

MSU is super friendly and fun.
JMU is terrific and she would find her people and have fun.

Great options all around. Congratulations!

Sorry, IU is big enough for everyone to find their people. I know several people who went there and they all absolutely loved it - none were from state high schools and they weren’t in the Greek system. It’s a great school! Plus, fun football!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We are visiting the schools. We are on a visit to one of these schools now and this is when she finally confessed how she feels, in tears.

For those who are telling us she should have worked harder, thanks for that unhelpful advice. She had a rough freshman year grades-wise and it’s been hard to recover. She knows it too.

My DS is in the same position, and people act like it's catching. Your DD has some good choices (as does my DS). While I think my DS could have worked harder in HS, I also think that he doesn't want to be in that rat race, and the schools that he got into are better choices for him[b] than higher ranked schools.

It's hard for our kids to leave home. Just keep encouraging your DD. Good luck to you both!

Colleges aren't going to hold a "rough freshman year grades-wise" against any student who bounces back.

[Anonymous]

On my third college applicant now … the right choice eventually becomes apparent. They give some $$, or offer a special program, or the campus is beautiful and welcoming. I guarantee that once you visit something will stand out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On my third college applicant now … the right choice eventually becomes apparent. They give some $$, or offer a special program, or the campus is beautiful and welcoming. I guarantee that once you visit something will stand out.

PS for my DD that choice was College of Charleston. She fell in love with the campus and the city (so did we!) 🫶🏻

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just here to say: ignore the jerks here. Your daughter earned a 3.5 in a competitive school district. She got in to a ton of great schools. She has a great future ahead of her, as she has already learned how to persevere after a rough start and keep striving for improvement. Wishing her every happiness and continued success in college. (And I agree with the counselor who recommended JMU.)

agree. I am surprised (or maybe shouldn't be?) by rude comments on this thread

[Anonymous]

None of the OOS are appealing enough to pay double. JMU is a great option. I agree it's anxiety more than anything. I especially hear many girls go through this spring before college.

https://www.sarahkipnestherapy.com/blog/is-your-teen-anxious-about-college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of the OOS are appealing enough to pay double. JMU is a great option. I agree it's anxiety more than anything. I especially hear many girls go through this spring before college.

https://www.sarahkipnestherapy.com/blog/is-your-teen-anxious-about-college

No, it isn't anxiety. She went to Yorktown/McLean/Langley. She's embarrassed by her choices. That's what's driving this. And she will get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of the OOS are appealing enough to pay double. JMU is a great option. I agree it's anxiety more than anything. I especially hear many girls go through this spring before college.

https://www.sarahkipnestherapy.com/blog/is-your-teen-anxious-about-college

You don’t know anything about their finances or whether their student got a merit scholarship.