DD not excited about any of her options

[Anonymous]

Was there a school that your DD really wanted and didn’t get accepted? Neither one of my sons had DREAM schools, but they had plenty of options. Your DD has options and that is a great spot to be in. Tell her to rank her accepted schools and re-visit the top 3 if you can. Accepted student days are a different experience from the regular tours. The schools should be releasing itineraries of the event or look at the previous year’s schedule. Have your DD create a comparison chart regarding what is important for her. Choosing a school is like a buying a house — you don’t get everything you want. You make the best decision with regard to your criteria. This is HER decision and I would be hesitant to offer my opinion. Good luck.

One of DS’s waited so long to decide, I had to Fed Ex his deposit check. This was long before online payments.

[Anonymous]

She is anxious about the next stage of her life. She’s anxious about making the “wrong” decision. It’s a huge change. Be patient. Encourage her to pick the one where she can have the best “balance” between education and personal growth (ie have some fun, get a job, join a club she may be interested, hike a nearby trail).

Remind her that if this school doesn’t work out she can transfer, odds are she won’t, but having that option may help ease the anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is anxious about the next stage of her life. She’s anxious about making the “wrong” decision. It’s a huge change. Be patient. Encourage her to pick the one where she can have the best “balance” between education and personal growth (ie have some fun, get a job, join a club she may be interested, hike a nearby trail).

Remind her that if this school doesn’t work out she can transfer, odds are she won’t, but having that option may help ease the anxiety.

+1 when DD was overwhelmed with the choice I emphasized that this was not a FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE decision. This was a what are you doing next year decision and you could always pivot. She didn't, happy where she landed.

[Anonymous]

I think it is perfectly normal not to be excited yet. Let her visit all the options. I bet one clicks while she is there and her decision will be easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer is JMU. There are some kids that go somewhat reluctantly because of an inaccurate “high school 2.0” label that mean kids and parents sometimes use. By Halloween almost everyone loves JMU. If for some reason she doesn’t like it she can transfer. Trust me, this one is easy.

-college counselor

+1. True for my son.

[Anonymous]

Just here to say: ignore the jerks here. Your daughter earned a 3.5 in a competitive school district. She got in to a ton of great schools. She has a great future ahead of her, as she has already learned how to persevere after a rough start and keep striving for improvement. Wishing her every happiness and continued success in college. (And I agree with the counselor who recommended JMU.)

[Anonymous]

This is actually a realistic view. There is no dream, perfect college. They are all flawed and your DD is able to see that. She just needs to pick the one that feels like a place where she will fit in and be comfortable.

Agree this is a nice list to choose from.

[Anonymous]

I don't think anybody is being a jerk. No one is putting the schools down. We're saying, in fact, she's lucky to have gotten into most of them. And yea, they might not but "dream" schools, but "dream" schools aren't available to 3.5s who apply test optional.

[Anonymous]

OP here and thank you for the thoughtful replies.

All of the wise comments here about there being no real dream school and these are a lot of great choices, I as her 50 year old mom know. The real problem is she as a 17 year old doesn’t really believe it. I do think she can thrive at any of these schools.

I do think it’s anxiety too. She is nervous about how it’s going to be.

She is also feeling the pressure of going to Yorktown/Langley/McLean where everyone (in her mind) is going to an Ivy or UVa /Michigan/NYU and her friends look down on some of these schools. Which gets a major eye roll from me.

I can see her really enjoying her time and doing well at a lot of these, particularly Indiana and JMU. We have visited Indiana and it is beautiful and fun, but also far, more midwestern than she’s used to, and she can’t get into Kelley. (Also she knows it is double the price of JMU.)

For JMU, though, there’s this whole “also-ran” feeling she can’t get over. I’ve told her I know many smart and very successful people who go there. I know she would enjoy it if she put her whole heart into it.

Telling her she should be grateful doesn’t really help her, but thanks. She knows she is lucky to have choices.

Anyway, thought I’d share. It’s helpful to know there are others with kids who feel lukewarm about their options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and thank you for the thoughtful replies.

All of the wise comments here about there being no real dream school and these are a lot of great choices, I as her 50 year old mom know. The real problem is she as a 17 year old doesn’t really believe it. I do think she can thrive at any of these schools.

I do think it’s anxiety too. She is nervous about how it’s going to be.

She is also feeling the pressure of going to Yorktown/Langley/McLean where everyone (in her mind) is going to an Ivy or UVa /Michigan/NYU and her friends look down on some of these schools. Which gets a major eye roll from me.

I can see her really enjoying her time and doing well at a lot of these, particularly Indiana and JMU. We have visited Indiana and it is beautiful and fun, but also far, more midwestern than she’s used to, and she can’t get into Kelley. (Also she knows it is double the price of JMU.)

For JMU, though, there’s this whole “also-ran” feeling she can’t get over. I’ve told her I know many smart and very successful people who go there. I know she would enjoy it if she put her whole heart into it.

Telling her she should be grateful doesn’t really help her, but thanks. She knows she is lucky to have choices.

Anyway, thought I’d share. It’s helpful to know there are others with kids who feel lukewarm about their options.

There are plenty of kids in those high schools going to these colleges. She's just gonna have to get over it.

[Anonymous]

To the OP - good luck with your decision - I think your daughter sounds great and like most teens this age she is possibly nervous and comparing herself to others. My son is a junior now and I think he will feel the same next year. He has a lot of friends that are ‘high stats’ that will probably get into Ivy/Ivy+ and many friends who are seniors now who got in ED and EA and are headed to Ivy/Ivy+. He probably won’t ‘win’ that lottery. I try to keep telling him it’s not where you go but what you do with the opportunities you have. It’s a lot of pressure on HS kids these days - I hope your daughter loves the school she picks once she gets there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's lucky she got into so many good schools. Beggars can't be choosers. If she wanted better she should have worked harder. Every one of them would be fine -- and fun.

Go f yourself.

Take your meds.

Chill man. I think you forgot your meds. This is a forum and everyone has a right to their opinions.

I agree. Mid grades. Test optional. You get what you get and don’t be upset.

Indiana is overrated. Most kids I know who got in are mid students. These are not the 4.0 with 1500 SAT kids.

Indiana is UNDERRATED.

High acceptance school with a few top ranked programs (business, music, journalism, Hamilton Lugar school).

Gorgeous campus that is prettier than any I have seen. Lovely quintessential college town. Steps from campus. Music humming out of bars, beautiful trees and pathways, friendly vibes, noise spilling out…there is something very special about IU.

+1

DP. That’s pretty typical for a many of the Big10 schools. One major drawback to Indiana is that it’s surrounded by corn fields and rural towns. Indy is about an hour away but that’s not really an exciting city either (though much better than it used to be, I’ll admit). Do Indiana students still party in the corn fields? That was definitely a thing.

That hasn’t been a thing in the 21st century.

And it was Indiana State.

[Anonymous]

Go to the admitted student days at JMU. A visit on a nice spring day, seeing how happy and friendly everyone is, will totally change things. Do NOT pay OOS tuition to IU for a non business major if your kid wants business. That would be a terrible mistake when JMU has an amazing business school.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to put in a plug for MSU and encourage you to visit. My son got into much more competitive engineering schools but we went to MSU and the vibe there for a big school was just really down to earth and seemed supportive. The campus is beautiful and it’s a solid good school. I did the embarrassing mother thing and talked to random students who worked at the restaurants and coffee shops and they all seemed really happy and just glad to be there. It’s midwestern. I’ve but not appear to be close-minded and far enough way from nova that your daughter won’t get the same feeling if she went to JMU (which I actually think is a great school) Honestly, I’d rather have my high stats but also anxious child is a solid but also supportive school where he can hopefully thrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We are visiting the schools. We are on a visit to one of these schools now and this is when she finally confessed how she feels, in tears.

For those who are telling us she should have worked harder, thanks for that unhelpful advice. She had a rough freshman year grades-wise and it’s been hard to recover. She knows it too.

Op screw anyone who says your DD should have done x,y,z differently.

Aside from that, my DD is in same boat. She got some really amazing OOS acceptances with generous offers but was deferred from her dream school in ED- she had worked her butt off for years to get into that school sometimes at the sacrifice of friends and fun. College admissions is no guarantee. We are approaching it by doing in person and virtual visits, determining what she wants from a school and the surrounding area and doing a pros cons list. Are there any rolling admissions schools she might love?