Guy I was dating slept with someone else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were not exclusive as we were both separated and starting to explore what’s out there. We had a strong connection but he still lived in the same house as his soon to be ex-wife.I just thought taking things slow would be prudent. I was seeing him once a week and we were texting and calling each other all the time.

He started going cold 2 days ago and tonight told me he was also seeing this other woman and she really liked him and wanted to be exclusive. He said he wanted that too and that they slept together last Friday.

I know we weren’t exclusive but I’m surprised at how much it hurts. We did not sleep together yet. I’m sitting here crying.

You go and sleep with someone else or tell him you’re seeing someone else even if you’re not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both you and this guy are both literally still married. Irrespective of whatever this guy did, *You* need to slow down.

Op here. I know! This is why I did not want to rush into anything and take it slow. When we met on Hinge, he still lived in the same house as his ex-wife and he was so vulnerable and new at all of this. I enjoyed his company and we clicked but I didn’t want to be used as a rebound or for him to transfer all of his unresolved feelings onto me. I said let’s take it slow and gather our bearings and especially to give him time to move out and build his independent life.

Meanwhile we saw each other once a week; had makeout sessions; texting all day and calling each other. We had a connection and a natural way of relating to each other. I helped him pick out his new apartment and went shopping with him a few times to help him get stuff for his new kitchen. We spent a romantic valentines day together.

I knew were not exclusive but felt pretty secure we are building toward something we so sort out our personal lives and logistics.

So color me surprised that he apparently built a “strong connection” with this other woman behind my Back. When I asked him what they had in common he said that she was different than me, a single mom who parented similar to him and they had a similar sense of humor. She also expressed interest in him and chased him and wanted sex early on while I was taking it slow. She wanted to see and meet him spontaneously and he liked that.

I didn’t sleep at all last night and I’m trying to pick myself back up.

Taking it slow is not limited to merely not sleeping together or claiming exclusivity. You are super emotionally invested, texting all day long, as well as physically all riled up from making out with no sex. And you still aren’t even divorced yourself.

I don’t know the specifics obviously, but based on simple life wisdom, I fear you are on the path of repeating the same mistakes you made in your failed marriage.

Can you elaborate?

When will you finalize your divorce? Have you healed from your divorce yet? When was the last time you were single and knew how to live on your own two feet without a man?

How can you get this enmeshed with a non-serious, non-exclusive guy (going “apartment shopping” together, really???!) who still lives with his wife before taking care of the above first? Your judgment seems off. And poor judgment, poor discernment will just have you in the same position you left from. I highly suggest you do some soul searching. Pray. Leave the “separated” guys alone.

[Anonymous]

This is the very short guy who lived in his wife's basement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both you and this guy are both literally still married. Irrespective of whatever this guy did, *You* need to slow down.

Op here. I know! This is why I did not want to rush into anything and take it slow. When we met on Hinge, he still lived in the same house as his ex-wife and he was so vulnerable and new at all of this. I enjoyed his company and we clicked but I didn’t want to be used as a rebound or for him to transfer all of his unresolved feelings onto me. I said let’s take it slow and gather our bearings and especially to give him time to move out and build his independent life.

Meanwhile we saw each other once a week; had makeout sessions; texting all day and calling each other. We had a connection and a natural way of relating to each other. I helped him pick out his new apartment and went shopping with him a few times to help him get stuff for his new kitchen. We spent a romantic valentines day together.

I knew were not exclusive but felt pretty secure we are building toward something we so sort out our personal lives and logistics.

So color me surprised that he apparently built a “strong connection” with this other woman behind my Back. When I asked him what they had in common he said that she was different than me, a single mom who parented similar to him and they had a similar sense of humor. She also expressed interest in him and chased him and wanted sex early on while I was taking it slow. She wanted to see and meet him spontaneously and he liked that.

I didn’t sleep at all last night and I’m trying to pick myself back up.

Taking it slow is not limited to merely not sleeping together or claiming exclusivity. You are super emotionally invested, texting all day long, as well as physically all riled up from making out with no sex. And you still aren’t even divorced yourself.

I don’t know the specifics obviously, but based on simple life wisdom, I fear you are on the path of repeating the same mistakes you made in your failed marriage.

Can you elaborate?

DP, but what I took was that she says they were taking it slow because they weren't having sex. They weren't taking it slow in texting all day, shopping for apartments, etc. She jumped in with someone who was wishy washy on her and got her heart broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the future, don't date men who don't care about you to the point of discussing their other dates with you. You simply were in friend zone a backup plan

+1, this comes off as a power play from the dude. Like put out or I'll start f***ing around.

I mean, it wouldn't have mattered if she did have sex with him, he'd likely do the same thing anyways so no big loss. But good to know when to cut losses in the future.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. You sound like a nice person and he took advantage. Maybe not purposefully but through his immaturity and selfishness. Some men are like that. You will find someone better. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both you and this guy are both literally still married. Irrespective of whatever this guy did, *You* need to slow down.

Op here. I know! This is why I did not want to rush into anything and take it slow. When we met on Hinge, he still lived in the same house as his ex-wife and he was so vulnerable and new at all of this. I enjoyed his company and we clicked but I didn’t want to be used as a rebound or for him to transfer all of his unresolved feelings onto me. I said let’s take it slow and gather our bearings and especially to give him time to move out and build his independent life.

Meanwhile we saw each other once a week; had makeout sessions; texting all day and calling each other. We had a connection and a natural way of relating to each other. I helped him pick out his new apartment and went shopping with him a few times to help him get stuff for his new kitchen. We spent a romantic valentines day together.

I knew were not exclusive but felt pretty secure we are building toward something we so sort out our personal lives and logistics.

So color me surprised that he apparently built a “strong connection” with this other woman behind my Back. When I asked him what they had in common he said that she was different than me, a single mom who parented similar to him and they had a similar sense of humor. She also expressed interest in him and chased him and wanted sex early on while I was taking it slow. She wanted to see and meet him spontaneously and he liked that.

I didn’t sleep at all last night and I’m trying to pick myself back up.

Taking it slow is not limited to merely not sleeping together or claiming exclusivity. You are super emotionally invested, texting all day long, as well as physically all riled up from making out with no sex. And you still aren’t even divorced yourself.

I don’t know the specifics obviously, but based on simple life wisdom, I fear you are on the path of repeating the same mistakes you made in your failed marriage.

Can you elaborate?

DP, but what I took was that she says they were taking it slow because they weren't having sex. They weren't taking it slow in texting all day, shopping for apartments, etc. She jumped in with someone who was wishy washy on her and got her heart broken.

It does sound like he was acting like she was his GF but with little benefit to her.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t want it be exclusive you should have zero expectations. You made the decision to not be exclusive. Exclusive doesn’t mean married or there is no out.

[Anonymous]

Op here. He messaged me this afternoon saying he wanted to check in and is open to talk this weekend. He wants to provide an explanation for his decision and doesn’t like how we left things.

wtf does this even mean? He chose someone else, slept with her and is exclusive with her. wtf do we need to talk about that again? Do I even respond?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He messaged me this afternoon saying he wanted to check in and is open to talk this weekend. He wants to provide an explanation for his decision and doesn’t like how we left things.

wtf does this even mean? He chose someone else, slept with her and is exclusive with her. wtf do we need to talk about that again? Do I even respond?

I wouldn't give him the time of day. Plenty of other guys better than him. Is he rich or something? Why are you hanging so much to him? Maybe you wish you'd slept with him before that other skank did? He probably has been sleeping around on his ex wife. Did you ever ask why they broke up? Bet it had somethign to do with it. His personality screams it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just text him “all the best “ and disengage. He’ll be back in a few months they always do if you didn’t let them f..k you

Most men are just boring users and wh..res. Most of them are not worthy your index finger.

Learn from this one case, be grateful you didn’t sleep with him (and don’t try to ever “prove” him you are more worthy than her by sleeping with him!) . And act accordingly with future connections . Men are two-timing a lot on OLD. Protect yourself

100% fact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just text him “all the best “ and disengage. He’ll be back in a few months they always do if you didn’t let them f..k you

Most men are just boring users and wh..res. Most of them are not worthy your index finger.

Learn from this one case, be grateful you didn’t sleep with him (and don’t try to ever “prove” him you are more worthy than her by sleeping with him!) . And act accordingly with future connections . Men are two-timing a lot on OLD. Protect yourself

100% fact

Haha I’m the poster who wrote it and it happened even sooner than I thought

OP: he has “buyer remorse “ about the other woman . Wants to string you alone. Just tell him let’s stay friends but don’t pursue it romantically. Maybe the human connection was stronger with you but it doesn’t change the fact he wasn’t all hot erotically about you thus he went and slept with someone else. It has to be both sexual and intellectual chemistry. Both you and the other woman are not good match with him

He’s sleeping around and feels he missed out by not test driving you

He’ll dump you once you sleep with him. BTDT

[Anonymous]

Hold out don’t

[Anonymous]

Hold out don’t put out

[Anonymous]

OP.

Cmon.

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

You say you did not want to be exclusive. You did not ask for that.

So, he went and found an exclusive relationship with someone else.

I personally am not ok with dating someone non-exclusively (beyond the first few dates or month or so). I think most women are not ok with that. But they convince themselves they are. And then they get hurt.

It's BS. Women deep down most of the time want monogamy and exclusivity.

Next time, act like the other woman did. She's the one who ended up with him, not you. Being the cool girl who doesn't ask for exclusivity doesn't always work out well, as you found.