A Jew named Mary?

[Anonymous]

I would assume an interfaith marriage as well. Dad’s represented by the Jewish last name, so mom is represented by a Catholic first name.

[Anonymous]

Kristen and Christopher are very poor examples these names were universally popular for a certain generation and despite the meaning were not associated with a particular religion.

Similar for your Aunt Mary and Teresa born in 1950 .

And those who converted later on life.

It's an odd choice given your other children's names.

But ultimately you can name your kid whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

All you need to do to have that proven to you is to walk into the cafeteria of a very diverse school at lunch time. You’ll see the Asian kids sitting together at their tables, the white kids sitting together at their tables, etc. It starts at a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

But Christians and Muslims aren’t tribalistic? Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

Go away.

No, you have no control over me. I’ll do and say as I please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

But Christians and Muslims aren’t tribalistic? Give me a break.

Please feel free to point me to where I said that. I simply asked why the previous poster would choose to be part of a Jewish community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming. Reform Jews are not like that, so there are other options available.

If there are Christian and Muslim communities that are performing ancestral background checks on people in order for them to determine that they’re worthy enough to participate in activities then they’re just as bad, and I would condemn them as well. This conversation wasn’t about Christian and Muslim communities though, so I’m not quite sure why you brought it to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

I just have to say you’re walking a tightrope. You’re probably very close to being called antisemitic and a bigot for asking (what I see as) a valid and genuine question that a lot of us have. I have wondered the same thing but have never asked because intention is not always clear over the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

So we should give up our community because it has some rules that some see as outdated? Judaism is a religion of rules.

Do you renounce your citizenship when your government does something you disagree with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

So we should give up our community because it has some rules that some see as outdated? Judaism is a religion of rules.

Do you renounce your citizenship when your government does something you disagree with?

No, I didn’t mean that Jewish people should give up Judaism as a whole. The previous poster said that, because she has a non-Jewish name, she was basically put through an extensive background check to prove that she’s Jewish in order to be able to participate in her own community. I was asking why not join more mainstream Jewish communities that are more inclusive and welcoming. I know that they exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

So we should give up our community because it has some rules that some see as outdated? Judaism is a religion of rules.

Do you renounce your citizenship when your government does something you disagree with?

No, I didn’t mean that Jewish people should give up Judaism as a whole. The previous poster said that, because she has a non-Jewish name, she was basically put through an extensive background check to prove that she’s Jewish in order to be able to participate in her own community. I was asking why not join more mainstream Jewish communities that are more inclusive and welcoming. I know that they exist.

What about the second part?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

So we should give up our community because it has some rules that some see as outdated? Judaism is a religion of rules.

Do you renounce your citizenship when your government does something you disagree with?

No, I didn’t mean that Jewish people should give up Judaism as a whole. The previous poster said that, because she has a non-Jewish name, she was basically put through an extensive background check to prove that she’s Jewish in order to be able to participate in her own community. I was asking why not join more mainstream Jewish communities that are more inclusive and welcoming. I know that they exist.

What about the second part?

I meant that, when presented with the option, most humans will choose opportunities for exclusion rather than inclusion. We’re still tribalistic in that way. We want what feels exclusive and special (even if it’s to our own detriment) rather than what feels inclusive and ordinary.

The previous poster “jumped through hoops” (in her own words) to join a Jewish community that is unwelcoming rather than a Jewish community that is welcoming. She chose to pursue acceptance from that group even when they were being exclusionary toward her and skeptical of her due to her name. There is something to be said about the psychology behind that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Jew with a very non-Jewish name - don’t do it. My whole life, everyone has assumed I’m not Jewish or a convert. Which isn’t the end of the world but it gets tedious. When I got married the rabbi grilled me about whether I was sure I wasn’t a convert, because of my name.

If you must call her Mary, then name her Miriam and use Mary as a nickname.

Also your other kids have very religious sounding Jewish names and if you add Mary, people will think she’s adopted and not converted. With Miriam, even nicknamed Mary, they won’t think that.

THIS. I've had to jump through hoops to prove that I'm Jewish because of my non-Jewish name (especially when getting married). I swear they practically did a full-blown background check on me. They wanted the names of my parents, my grandparents, etc. They wanted to know which cemeteries my older ancestors are buried in. They wanted to know where my family emigrated from. Thankfully, my parents were able to give me their ketubah that I was able to eventually provide as proof to easily put the doubt to rest.

If your daughter is even slightly interested in her Jewish identity and wants to be actively involved in her Jewish community, being named Mary will be a nightmare for her logistically speaking.

Why does anyone even choose to be part of a community that is so exclusive and unwelcoming? That is a choice.

This proves to me that humans are still very tribalistic.

So we should give up our community because it has some rules that some see as outdated? Judaism is a religion of rules.

Do you renounce your citizenship when your government does something you disagree with?

No, I didn’t mean that Jewish people should give up Judaism as a whole. The previous poster said that, because she has a non-Jewish name, she was basically put through an extensive background check to prove that she’s Jewish in order to be able to participate in her own community. I was asking why not join more mainstream Jewish communities that are more inclusive and welcoming. I know that they exist.

What about the second part?

I meant that, when presented with the option, most humans will choose opportunities for exclusion rather than inclusion. We’re still tribalistic in that way. We want what feels exclusive and special (even if it’s to our own detriment) rather than what feels inclusive and ordinary.

The previous poster “jumped through hoops” (in her own words) to join a Jewish community that is unwelcoming rather than a Jewish community that is welcoming. She chose to pursue acceptance from that group even when they were being exclusionary toward her and skeptical of her due to her name. There is something to be said about the psychology behind that.

Love how every thread on Judaism devolves into this antisemitic cr*p.

Because you need it explained to you - just because they wanted to verify her genealogy (in a matrilineal religion) prior to a marriage doesn’t mean that she felt unwelcome. If you think this is unwelcome wait until you find out about how you have to prove you are Catholic to get married in a Catholic Church!