How many SAHPs do you know in the DMV?

[Anonymous]

I know a few. I have no idea how many will eventually go back to work. I also know several moms who work PT (including myself) many around 25-30 hours a week or they own their own business and set their own hours. I think that’s a sweet spot personally.

[Anonymous]

I’m in an affluent suburb of New York and know plenty of stay at home moms.

Most of them eventually went back to doing something, even if part time, once their kids were in nursery school or kindergarten. Having careers at 50-60 might be a second career after a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became a SAHM at 40 with 2 kids. I would say in terms of annual HHI we are at top 5% for DMV. Kids are done with college, married/engaged,

I am an immigrant so I was not judged for being a SAHM. Besides, most people from my country of origin knew our academic and career credentials, our family background etc - so, being a SAHM was clearly my own choice.

Also - I did not become a SAHM because a lack of education, socialization, culture etc. My kids were top performers in school/college etc and generally have done well in their life - so it was also not due to a SN situation etc. IRL, I was not considered to be a doormat or a gravy train rider because I was home.

Now DCUM is another matter.

I'm curious what this means.

Even in cultures where SAH is very common in heritage country the subpopulation who emigrates is different.


In USA, I associate SAH with highly religious families, especially ones with many kids.

In immigrant communities, there is often fear of leaving kids in full daycare leading to loss of cultural and religious values. Also there is a learning curve of understanding new healthcare, parenting, schooling, homeownership etc. which leads to one spouse taking on income and other figuring out local life. Without extended family here, there is no built in support system.

[Anonymous]

I know more families who have a SAHP than I do families where both work full time.

[Anonymous]

I would say about 1/2 the parents I know are Stay at Home. I know four dads and the rest are women. Live in N Arlington and have been in public and private schools.

[Anonymous]

Tons. And I am one. I’m highly educated but knew I wanted to be home when my kids were born. I met others through playgroups and some were neighbors. There were a handful of parents every year in each of my kids’ classes when they were young. All had college degrees and most advanced degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the people who run the PTA, booster clubs and charity gala/auctions. Mom‘s working 40 to 60 hours a week Don’t have time to do all that!

The Williamsburg pta president is a man. I have no idea if he SAH.

[Anonymous]

Very common in affluent neighborhoods. There are tons of highly educated SAHMs and a few SAHDs in my area. They usually head back to work when the youngest is out of elementary. So if you’re meeting them when their kids are older you might not realize that they were once out of the workforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vienna

I was a SAHM for 8 years and all of the moms I hung out with at that time were as well. I’m guessing I knew at least 20, maybe 30. I went back to work in 2018 but some of those moms are still SAHMs.

Yes, there are a ton of SAHMs in Vienna.

[Anonymous]

I find this really odd. When DC was in elementary and middle school, I would 75% of the moms were SAH.Of his high school friend group only one mom works, but the dad is SAH. And I am a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

1. I moved here in 1999. My kids are in middle school.

[Anonymous]

About half of my DC mom friends are/were SAHPs. A bunch worked until their kids were in elementary school and then either got burned out or their spouses had made such huge career leaps that they were able to SAH.

I live in a UMC suburb of NYC now, and know a lot of moms who work part time. I don’t know many who work FT.

[Anonymous]

I'm OP. The responses here seem to highlight the fact that there is no shared definition of SAHP among DCUM.

When I read the big fights between SAHMs and the working moms here, especially when it comes to what happens when the couple divorces, it's always about the woman having stopped earning income and not having her own retirement plan that is built over 30+ years of consistent income. So, I don't consider someone who goes back to work, full time or part time, within 3-4 years to be a SAHM. To me, a SAHM is someone like my own mother who never earned income from the time she had her first child till she was in her 80s. She is entirely dependent on my dad's income and the saving/pension/Social Security credits building he did during his working years for her survival. By that definition, it seems that very few people on DCUM, even those in the wealthiest areas, know many SAHMs. The rich parents with real family money (those who don't have to work for a living) are an entirely different story.

And many people living and working in the DMV are in career tracks that don't allow one to leave for a few years and then just pop back in. None of the military people can do this, and you can't do that as a Fed. You also can't do this in IT or Intel/security because the fields move so fast and you're skills/knowledge becomes obsolete very quickly.

[Anonymous]

A big chunk of my MBA classmates, including me, are SAHPs. Pretty much any of us who married a classmate or someone else with an MBA eventually split into one working parent and one SAHP, except those with local grandparents. It was too challenging otherwise to meet the demands of a career with crazy hours or travel plus school aged kids with extracurriculars. The split is probably 80% moms and 20% dads.

When I lived in a less transient area, it was less common among my classmates because they had local grandparents who were essentially SAHPs for the grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Tons depending on where u live.