How many SAHPs do you know in the DMV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just interested in the fact that I don't actually know many of them….

I call baloney. Who starts a random thread on controversial topic and then says they’re disinterested in the value of being a SAHP.

Most of us keep our observations to ourselves; we don’t start threads.

+1 I also call BS that OP claims to know all these details about her co-workers and their personal lives, knows the details of every woman at the cocktail party (their careers, their husbands' earnings, knew each woman's financial details and determined the women didn't need to work, their education level, etc). Imagine walking around a cocktail party and asking each woman all these details. OP, you're either a troll or an obsessed weirdo.

[Anonymous]

2 of the moms in my kid’s elementary class, MoCo. Both are younger second wives, stepkids grown and out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor is a SAHM with a JD and a full-time nanny (and a weekly house cleaner).

No judgement here, I wish I was balling like that.

[Anonymous]

Op, you need to hang out at the playgrounds right when school lets out. Or, go to the PTA meetings. You will find tons.

[Anonymous]

We are South Asian immigrants and I know some in DMV area. They got married right after colleges and moved here with their husbands who came for grad schools, medical residency or jobs as expats. They had kids within a year or two and took full responsibility of parenting and household with husbands focused on adjusting to new academic or work places and making money. They moved few times from one to others so settling family every time to the new area. By the time women learned local culture, language and got work permits, home lives were set in a way that it was difficult for them to work. Some did make it back to their professions but most remained SAHP or did part time gigs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Obviously your circle is quite small and/or working class. There are many stay at home parents all over the place.

Working class moms stay at home more. There's a strong relationship among mothers between having a college degree and working full-time. https://www.minneapolisfed.org/article/2023/whos-not-working-education-and-the-choice-to-be-a-stay-at-home-parent

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have lived and worked here in the DC region for over 25 years and have raised kids here. I've lived in DC proper and in the DC and VA suburbs. I've only met two SAHPs under the age of 75 in all that time. One was my neighbor with 3 little kids. No college degree and her husband was a house flipper who also didn't have a college degree. They were both children of immigrants and believed in traditional gender roles. They lived in a really nice house he flipped in our gentrified neighborhood and then moved out when they sold it at a profit. None of my male colleagues over the years have had SAHM wives. And I don't think any of my male colleagues were married to women without at least a BA/BS. A few wives or husbands have been out of work for several months to a year, but they were actively looking for their next gig that whole time. The other SAHM I know is married to a retired Navy officer. But she actually did work for most of the time since her kids started K-12. They were stationed around the world and in various US cities, but she found office or retail work in most places. Military officers retire by about age 60, so she says she "retired" with him, even though she didn't have a long term employer when she left the workforce. I'm not sure if most people would count her as a true SAHM now that I think about it.

Do others know SAHPs who live in the DMV? I sometimes feel like they're an urban legend around here. I was just at a holiday party in McLean and every woman there had a career, as did our hostess. (The average age at the party was probably 55-60.) They all had very high earning husbands who made more than enough for these women to stay home, yet they choose to work.

I'm not interested in a debate about the value of being a SAHP. I'm just interested in the fact that I don't actually know many of them, male or female, in my day to day life living in this metro region.

Usually SAHPs avoid women who looked down upon choices different from standardized ones, not any different then how working moms avoided SAHMs prior to industrial revolution because they were unconventional then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 50's and I know a ton of SAHM's. But at 50 many work out of necessity (divorced/widowed/generally need money), have hobby jobs like helping people decorate, work part time, are artists, etc.

Same. I now work due to divorce, but was a SAHM for 15 years and know plenty of other SAHMs in Arlington.

[Anonymous]

I'm in DC proper and I don't know a single one.

[Anonymous]

I live in Arlington, mid-50s, with kids in college. I knew a lots of SAHPs when my kids were little because I was a SAHP for 7 years. I went back to my career when they started elementary school. Most of my SAHP friends eventually went back to work in some capacity - some to the same career, others to a low key "mom job", a couple went to grad school to start something completely new, one runs a large non-profit organization she started when our kids were in pre-school.

If you met me at a party and asked me about work you'd likely assume I'd always worked. But life is long and, having spent time as a SAHP, what I see is a lot of fluctuation of the work/home balance as life goes on.

My friends who have remained long-term SAHPs generally have some combination of kids or parents with significant needs, a spouse with a big/high-earning job, a career that was hard to on-ramp back into, independent wealth of their own, and/or intense hobbies or volunteer involvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Obviously your circle is quite small and/or working class. There are many stay at home parents all over the place.

Working class moms stay at home more. There's a strong relationship among mothers between having a college degree and working full-time. https://www.minneapolisfed.org/article/2023/whos-not-working-education-and-the-choice-to-be-a-stay-at-home-parent

Working or wealthy, middle and upper middle tend to need and want jobs more than others though there are lots of women working without any professional degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Obviously your circle is quite small and/or working class. There are many stay at home parents all over the place.

Working class moms stay at home more. There's a strong relationship among mothers between having a college degree and working full-time. https://www.minneapolisfed.org/article/2023/whos-not-working-education-and-the-choice-to-be-a-stay-at-home-parent

Working or wealthy, middle and upper middle tend to need and want jobs more than others though there are lots of women working without any professional degrees.

Working class moms often see no option except to stay home when infant childcare is so expensive. Then, without degrees/experience/networks, it's hard to get back into work.

My neices/nephews in their 30s are working class and have both parents working but their mom gives them the massive gift of doing all their childcare for free.

[Anonymous]

According to a 2025 data, less than 40% of American women aged 25+ had a bachelor's degree. Among them, only 15-17% of hold a master's degree or higher. Most working women aren't doing high level and high income jobs. Fortunately, these numbers are rapidly improving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in DC proper and I don't know a single one.

What schools do your kids attend? My kids went to schools on Capitol Hill (elementary and middle), and Columbia Heights and Tenleytown (high school). I've met parents from all those schools that are SAH and also I know some from my personal life.