How many SAHPs do you know in the DMV?

[Anonymous]

I have lived and worked here in the DC region for over 25 years and have raised kids here. I've lived in DC proper and in the DC and VA suburbs. I've only met two SAHPs under the age of 75 in all that time. One was my neighbor with 3 little kids. No college degree and her husband was a house flipper who also didn't have a college degree. They were both children of immigrants and believed in traditional gender roles. They lived in a really nice house he flipped in our gentrified neighborhood and then moved out when they sold it at a profit. None of my male colleagues over the years have had SAHM wives. And I don't think any of my male colleagues were married to women without at least a BA/BS. A few wives or husbands have been out of work for several months to a year, but they were actively looking for their next gig that whole time. The other SAHM I know is married to a retired Navy officer. But she actually did work for most of the time since her kids started K-12. They were stationed around the world and in various US cities, but she found office or retail work in most places. Military officers retire by about age 60, so she says she "retired" with him, even though she didn't have a long term employer when she left the workforce. I'm not sure if most people would count her as a true SAHM now that I think about it.

Do others know SAHPs who live in the DMV? I sometimes feel like they're an urban legend around here. I was just at a holiday party in McLean and every woman there had a career, as did our hostess. (The average age at the party was probably 55-60.) They all had very high earning husbands who made more than enough for these women to stay home, yet they choose to work.

I'm not interested in a debate about the value of being a SAHP. I'm just interested in the fact that I don't actually know many of them, male or female, in my day to day life living in this metro region.

[Anonymous]

I know 3 personally - a friend of mine who is a lawyer from a top school who actually took a "mom job" when she got married so that she could downshift and still work after kids but changed her mind and decided to stay home after her first kid; another friend whose firm went under during the Great Recession and he took a little hiatus from job hunting and then ended up staying home for a dozen years (3 kids, and he was great at it); and a mom in my kid's class who is an immigrant with 4 kids, she runs everything for the house and kids and her husband works.

Comes in all flavors, I don't really have a preconception about families with a SAHP.

[Anonymous]

I don't even know what a SAHP is, so there's that.

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of them - NW DC

[Anonymous]

I've also lived in the DC region for over 20 years, and I know plenty of SAHPs. I knew some SAHPs even back when I was single; now that I'm a (working in an office) parent myself, I've met numerous SAHPs at the playground. Most seem to have at least a BA/BS, but I've also known a lawyer and a pH.D. who were SAHPs, and a medical dr. friend who stayed home for a year or 2.

[Anonymous]

Vienna

I was a SAHM for 8 years and all of the moms I hung out with at that time were as well. I’m guessing I knew at least 20, maybe 30. I went back to work in 2018 but some of those moms are still SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Very few, in DC proper. More common to downshift for a few years and maybe do some part time consulting work with very young kids but most of those people were back at it by early elementary.

[Anonymous]

I’m mostly a SAHM in DC, but I have to lie about how much actual work I do because the judgment is crazy. People don’t understand how you can have a strong identity outside of your job or kids so I just play along. I also have a kid with SN that is 100% hard work from 7-9am and 3pm-9pm. We realized that it would be very detrimental to the kid at this stage to have them do aftercare as they can barely get through the school day as is. And the career I’d be going back to would be standard 9-6 hours, which would also mean DH taking a less demanding job and making way less money. So, as you can see I’m used to making excuses for why I don’t have a standard office job thanks to all the stigma. I had a few friends that also SAH, but they have mostly left DC. I don’t blame them.

[Anonymous]

I live in Arlington with kids in elementary, and I only know a handful of SAHPs. What’s far more common is when one parent (usually the mom) works part time. I know a bunch of those.

[Anonymous]

In ten years of being a parent in Montgomery County I've known one, a stay at home dad to a kid with serious health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of them - NW DC

What neighborhood(s)?

[Anonymous]

I know of several. Not as many WOH, but I do know quite a few SAH.

[Anonymous]

I'm just interested in the fact that I don't actually know many of them….

I call baloney. Who starts a random thread on controversial topic and then says they’re disinterested in the value of being a SAHP.

Most of us keep our observations to ourselves; we don’t start threads.

[Anonymous]

Tons. I live in McLean. I am one. I used to be a lawyer but haven’t worked in 10 years. Tons of women like me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, tons, and I live in McLean. But all have a bachelors degree or advanced degree and worked before staying home. Most are women that I met through preschool so maybe you would find more at the half day preschools rather than places where kids go to full time daycare. But I still know some at the elementary and middle school ages.