For women, having a great dad is like winning the lottery

[Anonymous]

I had an awesome Dad growing up love him very much. Never argued with my Mom was loving to her and us. Never had any personal issues, no cheating, no selfishness, it was all about providing for the family and spending all the time he could with family.

Unfortunately, I married what I saw was someone like him but turns out he is the clear opposite and regret it every day. I do my best to have my kids spend time with my parents to see an example of a loving husband and father via my Dad.

[Anonymous]

My dad was and is complicated. He’s not perfect and he’s not imperfect. Neither am I as a daughter. Life isn’t Boolean.

People are imperfect. If you can understand this truth you might be willing to forgive yourself one day. For just being yourself and allowing yourself to see and live and simply be imperfect with the rest of people.

All those people … whatever

[Anonymous]

I’m going to take a TON of heat here but I am just going to say it. All the absolute worst women I have ever known have all had amazing fathers. It’s a weird phenomenon for sure. The absolute worst female colleagues and neighbors have all been super close to their amazing fathers.

Can someone explain this??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only do you get the benefit of growing up in a home with a present father who you know loves you and demonstrates to you every day how men should great their spouse and kids, but it greatly increases your odds of finding a husband like this, which will lead to a better marriage, easier parenting, and a happier life.

Meanwhile, those of us who have bad or absent dads (or, jackpot, those of us whose dads were absent but also abusive and terrible when around) have to grow up feeling inadequate and unloveable because of our crap dads, then have no idea who to find or attract men who are better. Then even if we find men who are better, we don't know how to deal with it because we have really low self esteem and are suspicious of people who don't immediately recognize that we are bad people unworthy of love. Even if the find good men and actually figure out that we should marry these men, we then will struggle with those negative feelings from our childhoods throughout our lives, making our marriages less smooth and making parenting more challenging.

If you had a great dad, you should understand that you won at life before you were even born. I think it's one of the single best things that can happen to a person. I hope you understand this and have some empathy for those of us who never had this.

Are you blind? You are crapping on your dad, but giving your mother a pass?

Yep, Mom is often superhero, holding the family together and doing 110% of the parenting and hard work, after Dad abandons the family and all responsibility and accountability (but is too selfish to even acknowledge it)

Horrible take on this, sorry. The OP is mostly defining a Mother Wound, with hints of a Father Wound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father is a profoundly honest and kind man. That made me, unconsciously I think, run away from any guy with integrity issues.

My DH is honest but I did have to compromise on kindness though.

Why? You think men can only have one good trait?

[Anonymous]

My dad is great and he is taking me out to lunch today to relax after a few days of madness with four young children. He senses I’ve been under a lot of stress and that a talk with dad is always helpful for me.

[Anonymous]

As an adult, I do think women who had fathers who walked out seem to have abandonment issues. They sometimes cling to men and feel deeply insecure.

I also worry that my daddy’s girl daughter is raised as such a princess that I wonder how she will fare in the dating world one day.

[Anonymous]

This all is very true OP and your post was also very well written + articulated.

Having a present, loving Father is HUGE in a young girl’s life.
Simply because a young girl’s Father is usually her first close relationship w/a Male.

If he treats her well - - he definitely sets the bar for how she should be treated by other Males as her life progresses.

If he does not treat her well at all >> he also sets a bar…..a much lower one obviously, but still a bar nevertheless.
In a situation like this, a young girl experiences what to her is a “normal” Male relationship, one that sets the stage for the rest of her life.
When she meets bad/abusive men later on in her life, she feels in her comfort zone since this behavior reminds her of her childhood where the term “comfort” originated from.

[Anonymous]

I have always felt my dad is my number one supporter, he loves me unconditionally, would do anything for me and siblings…he’s incredibly loyal too.

He has flaws though- he could be verbally abusive and mean spirited at times. He believed in corporal punishment as did every other boomer at the time.

As someone said, people are complicated. I would say with my partner, I picked someone who has my dad’s good qualities but didn’t have the bad. So I guess I did good knowing what I did and didn’t want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This all is very true OP and your post was also very well written + articulated.

Having a present, loving Father is HUGE in a young girl’s life.
Simply because a young girl’s Father is usually her first close relationship w/a Male.

If he treats her well - - he definitely sets the bar for how she should be treated by other Males as her life progresses.

If he does not treat her well at all >> he also sets a bar…..a much lower one obviously, but still a bar nevertheless.
In a situation like this, a young girl experiences what to her is a “normal” Male relationship, one that sets the stage for the rest of her life.
When she meets bad/abusive men later on in her life, she feels in her comfort zone since this behavior reminds her of her childhood where the term “comfort” originated from.

This is so true for my last relationship. My ex-gf of 3 years lost her dead when she was 2 months old, mother re-married and she didn't like the step father and then whatever happened married her ex-H at the age of 15, had two daughters and the past relationship was very abusive and kind of like a trauma bond. she dated for a few years in between her divorce and me and didn't find anything stable. Relationship with me was too much for her I think. She was impulsive and abusive sometimes and would be very loving the other times. she would constantly say that she is not good enough for me since I am very educated and successful and she wasn't. I never made her feel like that in any way, intentionally, but she was a little jealous of the money or what my kids are getting, etc. Her not being good enough ended up becoming the main thing in our relationship and she got more controlling, defensive and abusive if I try to bring up anything that I didn't like as she thought I am focusing on her insecurities but I was just trying to do the repair by trying to understand her. It was unfortunate but I ended my relationship with her. she also has low self-esteem and I sometimes wonder what else I could have done since I loved her but not a lot of things since she had to handle her hurts and wounds.

[Anonymous]

My dad was such a good role model that it wasn’t difficult for me to determine who would make a good husband. I never dated a lot because I was pretty choosy and I’m glad I was. My husband’s dad passed alway a few years ago and I love that he uses my dad as a sounding board on many big decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad was such a good role model that it wasn’t difficult for me to determine who would make a good husband. I never dated a lot because I was pretty choosy and I’m glad I was. My husband’s dad passed alway a few years ago and I love that he uses my dad as a sounding board on many big decisions.

Knowing how to pick a good lifetime partner and parent for future children is so important.

My dad thinks literally I am capable of anything (ie: took up a new sport mid 20s, he asked me if I’d go to the olympics). I can see this being bad for someone w the wrong temperament, as PP noted. For me, it’s worked and I’m pretty sure I’m not one of the insufferable women with amazing dads PP mentioned.

I didn’t want kids until a few years of dating my now husband. I just knew he wld be an amazing dad, and wanted the experience of raising a family with him which surprised me. I was right, he is awesome, and hopefully this makes it easier for our kids to have good partners in the future

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all is very true OP and your post was also very well written + articulated.

Having a present, loving Father is HUGE in a young girl’s life.
Simply because a young girl’s Father is usually her first close relationship w/a Male.

If he treats her well - - he definitely sets the bar for how she should be treated by other Males as her life progresses.

If he does not treat her well at all >> he also sets a bar…..a much lower one obviously, but still a bar nevertheless.
In a situation like this, a young girl experiences what to her is a “normal” Male relationship, one that sets the stage for the rest of her life.
When she meets bad/abusive men later on in her life, she feels in her comfort zone since this behavior reminds her of her childhood where the term “comfort” originated from.

This is so true for my last relationship. My ex-gf of 3 years lost her dead when she was 2 months old, mother re-married and she didn't like the step father and then whatever happened married her ex-H at the age of 15, had two daughters and the past relationship was very abusive and kind of like a trauma bond. she dated for a few years in between her divorce and me and didn't find anything stable. Relationship with me was too much for her I think. She was impulsive and abusive sometimes and would be very loving the other times. she would constantly say that she is not good enough for me since I am very educated and successful and she wasn't. I never made her feel like that in any way, intentionally, but she was a little jealous of the money or what my kids are getting, etc. Her not being good enough ended up becoming the main thing in our relationship and she got more controlling, defensive and abusive if I try to bring up anything that I didn't like as she thought I am focusing on her insecurities but I was just trying to do the repair by trying to understand her. It was unfortunate but I ended my relationship with her. she also has low self-esteem and I sometimes wonder what else I could have done since I loved her but not a lot of things since she had to handle her hurts and wounds.

Oh boy! that's sad but people need to work on themselves before they get into a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to take a TON of heat here but I am just going to say it. All the absolute worst women I have ever known have all had amazing fathers. It’s a weird phenomenon for sure. The absolute worst female colleagues and neighbors have all been super close to their amazing fathers.

Can someone explain this??

It's you.

[Anonymous]

Plus seeing his her father treat her mother well.
That too plays a part.