What’s it like for a SAHM after kids go to collegr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I read about the 7 figure earning husband I wonder if it’s the same poster. The amount is hardly ever relevant but maybe it’s fun to say.

There are more than one.

I’m sure, but it’s such a weird thing to boast about.

It weighs into decisions about returning to the work force.

Of course. Yet many people never return to the workforce on much less, and are quite comfortable. You don’t have to say it’s 7 figures to say “DH makes enough that I don’t need to add to our income.”

And yet you'll find people on DCUM who will challenge what's "enough."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. Similar situation… DH is super high earner and I used to be in banking myself, but quit when I had kids. Kids are older than yours, though, two in high school and one in middle school. I am in my 50s.

Let me just say, you are in the good years. Your kids are in the middle grades where they’re not toddlers, but not teenagers. You are in your 40s… still relatively young and not in the throes of menopause.

The shit is about to hit the fan. Wait 10 years.

High school is a doozy, in my opinion. My kids all imploded at one point one way or another. Also, your kids play sports, the logistics and time commitment go up versus middle school. Menopause hits hard. That sucks too.

I’m ready for break. Although I don’t know exactly how I will spend my free time when my kids go to college, I am fully intending for my life to be glorious.

Now that a lot of my friends’ kids are in college, I can tell you that although you do have more free time, you are still heavily involved in their lives. Also, they are still home a lot when in college. So there’s that.

However, if you do want to go back to work, a lot of banks have reentry programs. There are women that have successfully entered and navigated these programs.

This sounds more like a symptom of not having anything else going on then a need. Your kids away at college should not be taking up substantial time and if they are you are solving too many of their problems for them and crippling them. And when they're home they want to hang out and see friends and if they're home in summer work their job - they don't need mommy packing their lunches and driving them to activities anymore - they're another adult in the house to hang out with, not a time sucking responsibility

[Anonymous]

“I can tell you that although you do have more free time, you are still heavily involved in their lives. Also, they are still home a lot when in college. So there’s that.”


Nope. Move in, move out, family weekend, home for breaks, but may not the entire break when they live off campus.


Heavily involved? Feedback on a cover letter, sure, and it takes 10 minutes. Or hey, how would you word this mom? 10 minutes.

When we text and FT it’s general catchup and chitchat and checking in.

WTH are you heavily involved in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I read about the 7 figure earning husband I wonder if it’s the same poster. The amount is hardly ever relevant but maybe it’s fun to say.

There are more than one.

I’m sure, but it’s such a weird thing to boast about.

It weighs into decisions about returning to the work force.

This. It affects the decision making if you don’t need the money. Also, often high earning comes with insane and often unpredictable hours. My husband will take business trips, have client dinners or just have to work late with very little notice. He is more than happy to pitch in with dinner/homework/carpooling if available, but I have to operate under the assumption that it will all fall to me. Same with dentist/orthodontist/sports physicals and any other medical needs that arise.

I’m not saying this to complain. I’m just saying it all adds into the equation when deciding what to do.

That said, I posted upthread that I feel very lucky to have found a PT job I love and I am definitely happier and more fulfilled than when I did not have it.

I totally get that. I find it weird to comment on the amount because it’s so relative and personal. 7 figures is not unheard of but it is way way way beyond what most people would consider absolutely more than enough to set you up for life. It comes off as a weird brag which is why I have wondered if some of these posts I see are the same person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I can tell you that although you do have more free time, you are still heavily involved in their lives. Also, they are still home a lot when in college. So there’s that.”


Nope. Move in, move out, family weekend, home for breaks, but may not the entire break when they live off campus.


Heavily involved? Feedback on a cover letter, sure, and it takes 10 minutes. Or hey, how would you word this mom? 10 minutes.

When we text and FT it’s general catchup and chitchat and checking in.

lol WTH are you heavily involved in?

This!
Everything but her own business to include her marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother stayed home with us and then started a similar transition once I (youngest of 3) hit middle school age. She verbalized it just like you do- she wanted to regain an identity and sense of purpose with her life as we started leaving the nest so that she wasn't left with nothing to do, lost, etc. Anyways she didn't go back to her previous career, she got a teaching degree of some kind- I think she took a bunch of classes at NVCC? And then she went on to teach history at NVCC. She taught very part time and only in the evenings until I left for college- I guess her mind frame was that she wanted to be available for us during the school day (illness, etc) but in reality it meant she was gone 2-3 evenings a week and I probably could have used her motherly guidance a little more instead of coming home to an empty house and having sex with my boyfriend after school.

Interesting. I have seen several parents assert that it's a mistake to think your children need you less in the middle and high school years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother stayed home with us and then started a similar transition once I (youngest of 3) hit middle school age. She verbalized it just like you do- she wanted to regain an identity and sense of purpose with her life as we started leaving the nest so that she wasn't left with nothing to do, lost, etc. Anyways she didn't go back to her previous career, she got a teaching degree of some kind- I think she took a bunch of classes at NVCC? And then she went on to teach history at NVCC. She taught very part time and only in the evenings until I left for college- I guess her mind frame was that she wanted to be available for us during the school day (illness, etc) but in reality it meant she was gone 2-3 evenings a week and I probably could have used her motherly guidance a little more instead of coming home to an empty house and having sex with my boyfriend after school.

Interesting. I have seen several parents assert that it's a mistake to think your children need you less in the middle and high school years.

I’ll +1 that. I have two kids in high school. Things are going well, but they still need and want me around. I also volunteer a lot of time with an extracurricular they’re both involved in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I can tell you that although you do have more free time, you are still heavily involved in their lives. Also, they are still home a lot when in college. So there’s that.”


Nope. Move in, move out, family weekend, home for breaks, but may not the entire break when they live off campus.


Heavily involved? Feedback on a cover letter, sure, and it takes 10 minutes. Or hey, how would you word this mom? 10 minutes.

When we text and FT it’s general catchup and chitchat and checking in.

lol WTH are you heavily involved in?

This!
Everything but her own business to include her marriage.

These are the parents college professors and administrators complain about.

[Anonymous]

Well to offer a different perspective, I am a working mom in finance and I don't feel overwhelmed. I don't wish I stayed at home at this point or really at any point. I mean I guess if one could waltz in and out of workforce, there would be a couple early years. My kids are in high school now and yes they need me more than ever but I am senior enough to make it flexible enough to be there a lot for them. Granted I have two kids not three so that's different. But seeing the empty nest thing on the horizon, I am glad I'll have work to help fill the void. I don't know what life would be like if I were at home but I am pretty sure i'd want to put my toe back in in some way whether it be consulting or whatever. A gap of more than a decade would make me anxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother stayed home with us and then started a similar transition once I (youngest of 3) hit middle school age. She verbalized it just like you do- she wanted to regain an identity and sense of purpose with her life as we started leaving the nest so that she wasn't left with nothing to do, lost, etc. Anyways she didn't go back to her previous career, she got a teaching degree of some kind- I think she took a bunch of classes at NVCC? And then she went on to teach history at NVCC. She taught very part time and only in the evenings until I left for college- I guess her mind frame was that she wanted to be available for us during the school day (illness, etc) but in reality it meant she was gone 2-3 evenings a week and I probably could have used her motherly guidance a little more instead of coming home to an empty house and having sex with my boyfriend after school.

Boo hoo. I was a latchkey kid who was on my own after school for hours starting age 12 because my single mother had to work to support us and I managed to avoid having sex with my peers. You sound like an entitled brat.

Some children are a bit special needs emotionally and mentally, the way some are academically. They need more supports for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I can tell you that although you do have more free time, you are still heavily involved in their lives. Also, they are still home a lot when in college. So there’s that.”


Nope. Move in, move out, family weekend, home for breaks, but may not the entire break when they live off campus.


Heavily involved? Feedback on a cover letter, sure, and it takes 10 minutes. Or hey, how would you word this mom? 10 minutes.

When we text and FT it’s general catchup and chitchat and checking in.

lol WTH are you heavily involved in?

This!
Everything but her own business to include her marriage.

These are the parents college professors and administrators complain about.

Yessssss! +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP— you are in a great position because you can get literally any job you want and not worry about the pay. If I were in your position I would pursue my dream job— which does not pay enough to support a family.

And what is that? Is it easy to start it as a 50 something year old with no previous experience in the field?

Volunteer first..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so fun! I travel, visit my children, take classes...basically do whatever I want.

To be well off. Dang. I’m jealous.