What’s it like for a SAHM after kids go to collegr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother stayed home with us and then started a similar transition once I (youngest of 3) hit middle school age. She verbalized it just like you do- she wanted to regain an identity and sense of purpose with her life as we started leaving the nest so that she wasn't left with nothing to do, lost, etc. Anyways she didn't go back to her previous career, she got a teaching degree of some kind- I think she took a bunch of classes at NVCC? And then she went on to teach history at NVCC. She taught very part time and only in the evenings until I left for college- I guess her mind frame was that she wanted to be available for us during the school day (illness, etc) but in reality it meant she was gone 2-3 evenings a week and I probably could have used her motherly guidance a little more instead of coming home to an empty house and having sex with my boyfriend after school.

Boo hoo. I was a latchkey kid who was on my own after school for hours starting age 12 because my single mother had to work to support us and I managed to avoid having sex with my peers. You sound like an entitled brat.

[Anonymous]

why does no one ever recognize internet trolls on this forum????????

'dh earns a seven figure' - sure, dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why does no one ever recognize internet trolls on this forum????????

'dh earns a seven figure' - sure, dude.

Why is that not believable? I’m not OP, but my husband does and I’m a SAHM and have had these thoughts too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you fill your day with now will be the same - tennis, lunch, tv, walks, volunteer, etc. You don’t have kids at home during the day now so you can just keep doing whatever it is you do now.

Unless you fill a chunk of your days volunteering for things related to your kids. And the hours from 3-8 pm (varies by family) that you spend driving them to and from activities, you won’t be anymore. So yes, it’s different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I read about the 7 figure earning husband I wonder if it’s the same poster. The amount is hardly ever relevant but maybe it’s fun to say.

There are more than one.

I’m sure, but it’s such a weird thing to boast about.

[Anonymous]

My DH makes 8 figures and I feel the same way

[Anonymous]

My mother never went back to work after ahe delivered me. Once I got to high school, she claimed she would go back, but it never happened. I assume it was near impossible after that much time had passed. So instead, she has kept up the house and does other hobbies like gardening, cooking, a million tv shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why does no one ever recognize internet trolls on this forum????????

'dh earns a seven figure' - sure, dude.

Why is that not believable? I’m not OP, but my husband does and I’m a SAHM and have had these thoughts too.

+1

[Anonymous]

Better find something to do. .. and talk about with your husband.

[Anonymous]

DP here and not a troll. My DH also makes 7 figures (fairly common for law firm partners, it’s not an easy life work-wise, I’d rather he make 300-400k and be more available but I digress.)

I SAH until youngest was in 5th then started subbing. Probably would have done sooner but Covid. Then lucked into a unicorn 1/2 time job at a local school. I love it. Pays next to nothing but I only work school days and have great friends and socialization there, feel a sense of purpose and structure and still have the badowdth I need for parenting with a busy spouse.

I roughly recommend it if you can find something that works. I know friends who love their gym or have a hobby job/creative thing they do, but I didn’t have or want to have any of that and I’m happy where I am.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. Similar situation… DH is super high earner and I used to be in banking myself, but quit when I had kids. Kids are older than yours, though, two in high school and one in middle school. I am in my 50s.

Let me just say, you are in the good years. Your kids are in the middle grades where they’re not toddlers, but not teenagers. You are in your 40s… still relatively young and not in the throes of menopause.

The shit is about to hit the fan. Wait 10 years.

High school is a doozy, in my opinion. My kids all imploded at one point one way or another. Also, your kids play sports, the logistics and time commitment go up versus middle school. Menopause hits hard. That sucks too.

I’m ready for break. Although I don’t know exactly how I will spend my free time when my kids go to college, I am fully intending for my life to be glorious.

Now that a lot of my friends’ kids are in college, I can tell you that although you do have more free time, you are still heavily involved in their lives. Also, they are still home a lot when in college. So there’s that.

However, if you do want to go back to work, a lot of banks have reentry programs. There are women that have successfully entered and navigated these programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I read about the 7 figure earning husband I wonder if it’s the same poster. The amount is hardly ever relevant but maybe it’s fun to say.

There are more than one.

I’m sure, but it’s such a weird thing to boast about.

It weighs into decisions about returning to the work force.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes 8 figures and I feel the same way

Pfft. 9 figures here. Never thought about going to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I read about the 7 figure earning husband I wonder if it’s the same poster. The amount is hardly ever relevant but maybe it’s fun to say.

There are more than one.

I’m sure, but it’s such a weird thing to boast about.

It weighs into decisions about returning to the work force.

Of course. Yet many people never return to the workforce on much less, and are quite comfortable. You don’t have to say it’s 7 figures to say “DH makes enough that I don’t need to add to our income.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I read about the 7 figure earning husband I wonder if it’s the same poster. The amount is hardly ever relevant but maybe it’s fun to say.

There are more than one.

I’m sure, but it’s such a weird thing to boast about.

It weighs into decisions about returning to the work force.

This. It affects the decision making if you don’t need the money. Also, often high earning comes with insane and often unpredictable hours. My husband will take business trips, have client dinners or just have to work late with very little notice. He is more than happy to pitch in with dinner/homework/carpooling if available, but I have to operate under the assumption that it will all fall to me. Same with dentist/orthodontist/sports physicals and any other medical needs that arise.

I’m not saying this to complain. I’m just saying it all adds into the equation when deciding what to do.

That said, I posted upthread that I feel very lucky to have found a PT job I love and I am definitely happier and more fulfilled than when I did not have it.