What’s it like for a SAHM after kids go to collegr

[Anonymous]

Good God this is a vital thread for every new mom, and new dad, to read before a family makes a decision to divide labor with one spouse as SAHP.

[Anonymous]

Get training and start the foundation for a new career/job. When you become an empty nester you never know how will impact your marriage and you may find yourself starting over. Hopefully with decent alimony so income may not be the number one factor. But you want to feel fulfilled. I’d be bored at 55-60 years old without some meaningful work or hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you fill your day with now will be the same - tennis, lunch, tv, walks, volunteer, etc. You don’t have kids at home during the day now so you can just keep doing whatever it is you do now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time I read about the 7 figure earning husband I wonder if it’s the same poster. The amount is hardly ever relevant but maybe it’s fun to say.

There are more than one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother stayed home with us and then started a similar transition once I (youngest of 3) hit middle school age. She verbalized it just like you do- she wanted to regain an identity and sense of purpose with her life as we started leaving the nest so that she wasn't left with nothing to do, lost, etc. Anyways she didn't go back to her previous career, she got a teaching degree of some kind- I think she took a bunch of classes at NVCC? And then she went on to teach history at NVCC. She taught very part time and only in the evenings until I left for college- I guess her mind frame was that she wanted to be available for us during the school day (illness, etc) but in reality it meant she was gone 2-3 evenings a week and I probably could have used her motherly guidance a little more instead of coming home to an empty house and having sex with my boyfriend after school.

Sounds like she didn’t raise you to make good decisions in the first place. You’d have been better off if she kept working and had a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Just as busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother stayed home with us and then started a similar transition once I (youngest of 3) hit middle school age. She verbalized it just like you do- she wanted to regain an identity and sense of purpose with her life as we started leaving the nest so that she wasn't left with nothing to do, lost, etc. Anyways she didn't go back to her previous career, she got a teaching degree of some kind- I think she took a bunch of classes at NVCC? And then she went on to teach history at NVCC. She taught very part time and only in the evenings until I left for college- I guess her mind frame was that she wanted to be available for us during the school day (illness, etc) but in reality it meant she was gone 2-3 evenings a week and I probably could have used her motherly guidance a little more instead of coming home to an empty house and having sex with my boyfriend after school.

It's really weird that you blame your mom taking night classes a few times per week for your bad decisions. Where was your Dad in all this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good God this is a vital thread for every new mom, and new dad, to read before a family makes a decision to divide labor with one spouse as SAHP.

Once the kids are in school, you are an unemployed parent. The kids are at school. Same as once they are off to college, you are unemployed, not a sahp.

If you actually have kids at home all day and you are actively parenting them, then you are a stay at home parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good God this is a vital thread for every new mom, and new dad, to read before a family makes a decision to divide labor with one spouse as SAHP.

Once the kids are in school, you are an unemployed parent. The kids are at school. Same as once they are off to college, you are unemployed, not a sahp.

If you actually have kids at home all day and you are actively parenting them, then you are a stay at home parent.

You can just be SAH. Or, don’t work out of the house. Everything doesn’t have to break down because employed and unemployed. Who cares?

I’ve always worked but I’m not going out of my way to call my neighbor unemployed when she hasn’t worked for years and hasn’t looked to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good God this is a vital thread for every new mom, and new dad, to read before a family makes a decision to divide labor with one spouse as SAHP.

Once the kids are in school, you are an unemployed parent. The kids are at school. Same as once they are off to college, you are unemployed, not a sahp.

If you actually have kids at home all day and you are actively parenting them, then you are a stay at home parent.

You can just be SAH. Or, don’t work out of the house. Everything doesn’t have to break down because employed and unemployed. Who cares?

I’ve always worked but I’m not going out of my way to call my neighbor unemployed when she hasn’t worked for years and hasn’t looked to work.

"Unemployed" only refers to people actually seeking to join the labor force. Lots of people are busy doing things that don't earn money. That isn't "unemployed."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (only child) is a sophomore in college and it has been interesting to see the different ways that those of us who no longer have kids at home have been experiencing the change.

My impression is that everyone is rediscovering who they are. The ones whose lives were totally focused on kids are having a harder time figuring that out. So maybe just stay aware of what you enjoy, what you value, what gives you passion, etc.? And find ways to be connected and active in those areas. It doesn’t have to be a paying job.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother stayed home with us and then started a similar transition once I (youngest of 3) hit middle school age. She verbalized it just like you do- she wanted to regain an identity and sense of purpose with her life as we started leaving the nest so that she wasn't left with nothing to do, lost, etc. Anyways she didn't go back to her previous career, she got a teaching degree of some kind- I think she took a bunch of classes at NVCC? And then she went on to teach history at NVCC. She taught very part time and only in the evenings until I left for college- I guess her mind frame was that she wanted to be available for us during the school day (illness, etc) but in reality it meant she was gone 2-3 evenings a week and I probably could have used her motherly guidance a little more instead of coming home to an empty house and having sex with my boyfriend after school.

It's really weird that you blame your mom taking night classes a few times per week for your bad decisions. Where was your Dad in all this?

Her dad was working. Someone had to pay the bills and keep the family housed and fed and clothed. The posters point is that her mom was supposedly contributing to the family by being the stay at home parent but wasn’t actually available as a parent when the kids were home and needed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good God this is a vital thread for every new mom, and new dad, to read before a family makes a decision to divide labor with one spouse as SAHP.

Once the kids are in school, you are an unemployed parent. The kids are at school. Same as once they are off to college, you are unemployed, not a sahp.

If you actually have kids at home all day and you are actively parenting them, then you are a stay at home parent.

Yup it’s just bonbons and leisure./s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good God this is a vital thread for every new mom, and new dad, to read before a family makes a decision to divide labor with one spouse as SAHP.

Once the kids are in school, you are an unemployed parent. The kids are at school. Same as once they are off to college, you are unemployed, not a sahp.

If you actually have kids at home all day and you are actively parenting them, then you are a stay at home parent.

You can just be SAH. Or, don’t work out of the house. Everything doesn’t have to break down because employed and unemployed. Who cares?

I’ve always worked but I’m not going out of my way to call my neighbor unemployed when she hasn’t worked for years and hasn’t looked to work.

"Unemployed" only refers to people actually seeking to join the labor force. Lots of people are busy doing things that don't earn money. That isn't "unemployed."

I say retired.

[Anonymous]

Just keep living off your husband. That’s the answer you want, right? Even if he trades you in for a younger model, you’ll probably still get a good chunk of the assets and alimony.