Boyfriend gave terrible gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

He should have given his 17 year old GF of three months a diamond studs, OBVIOUSLY!!!! Come on!!! Raise your boys right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

He should have given his 17 year old GF of three months a diamond studs, OBVIOUSLY!!!! Come on!!! Raise your boys right.

Yeah those are the only two options and any woman who has an issue with a dirty used gift is a gold digger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

He should have given his 17 year old GF of three months a diamond studs, OBVIOUSLY!!!! Come on!!! Raise your boys right.

Yeah those are the only two options and any woman who has an issue with a dirty used gift is a gold digger.

Having an issue with any gift is a character flaw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've somehow raised a child who is a better person than you. Don't mess that up.

Perfectly stated.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

He should have given his 17 year old GF of three months a diamond studs, OBVIOUSLY!!!! Come on!!! Raise your boys right.

Yeah those are the only two options and any woman who has an issue with a dirty used gift is a gold digger.

Having an issue with any gift is a character flaw.

How about skid mark underwear?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he stole it from someone and handed it to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

He should have given his 17 year old GF of three months a diamond studs, OBVIOUSLY!!!! Come on!!! Raise your boys right.

Yeah those are the only two options and any woman who has an issue with a dirty used gift is a gold digger.

Having an issue with any gift is a character flaw.

Exactly. Especially if the giver is a boy who probably has no money of his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he stole it from someone and handed it to her.

Probably robbed someone at gunpoint. Hell, he probably peed in it before giving it to OP's precious princess.

[Anonymous]

Eh, OP asked if it was ok to say something to her DD or ask questions, and I think so, particularly the latter. A used water bottle is truly gross and thoughtless. It MIGHT say something about his character or the way he thinks of the relationship. A few pressing questions to her DD might be in order. If we see our kids in potentially bad relationships (friend or romantic) some chats or words of wisdom are what we parents should do (within reason). Our teens need to execute a solution, but we can talk with them about our concerns or what we are seeing.

[Anonymous]

OP you said yourself it's the 1st time in a relationship for both of them. Cut the kid some slack! It is kinda gross, hopefully everyone saying he rinsed it out first (which is thoughtful!) is why it had liquid, as opposed to being used.

But more importantly, unlike many here I do think it's ok to ask your DD how she felt specifically about it having liquid in it, and to just remind her that yes, people have all sorts of ideas about what makes a good gift, and that's hardly the most important characteristic of a person, but tell her she should make sure to wash it REALLY WELL just in case it's used, but if otherwise DD is fine with it as a gift, cool, don't make a big deal out of it. He's not your BF, he's your DD's, and if she's good with that then after reminding her to rinse it out and also telling her IF she didn't like it, it's ok to talk to him about gifts the next time he might get her one and maybe give a few inexpensive gift ideas she does like, and see what he chooses to do. But if she isn't bothered by it or even likes it, then wash it out well and keep on moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

He should have given his 17 year old GF of three months a diamond studs, OBVIOUSLY!!!! Come on!!! Raise your boys right.

Yeah those are the only two options and any woman who has an issue with a dirty used gift is a gold digger.

Having an issue with any gift is a character flaw.

That is the most inane value statement ever. Gifts in general should just be accepted graciously. But sometimes people do weaponize gifts or gifts do show a level of absence of thought or consideration. And it is OK to be rubbed the wrong way if either the receiver has gone all out in the past in giving thoughtful gifts, or the giver asked the receiver what they wanted and then gave nothing.

If cost is an issue, of COURSE the receiver should be grateful and gracious. Thought really DOES count for a lot. But the idea that no gift if ever cause for having an issue with it is absurd. Some gifts are given with weird or bad intentions and it's totally fine to have an issue with those.

In this case, both sound young and clueless or maybe the BF has financial constraints, and I think it's beautiful that OP's DD has no issue with it. But they mysterious liquid is definitely a good reason to wash it out well and even to raise that as a question if it bothered DD. But if DD is fine, and only OP is grossed out, then OP should mention their thoughts to DD and then let it go. OP should also praise their DD for being gracious and not caring a lot about material things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is a senior in hs and recently had a birthday.
She’s been dating her boyfriend for about three months. First time being in a relationship for both of them. He seems nice enough. I don’t know him well.
She showed me the gift he gave her, a water bottle. Then she opened it to find it had remnants of liquid inside. It was used and he hadn’t even cleaned it out.
I didn’t say anything but it does make me question him. I understand not having a lot of money, but being thoughtful is key.

I don’t know about this. The daughter waited to show her mom the gift before she opened the top? I doubt it. She probably used it herself and when she showed her mother it had some of her drink in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

He should have given his 17 year old GF of three months a diamond studs, OBVIOUSLY!!!! Come on!!! Raise your boys right.

Yeah those are the only two options and any woman who has an issue with a dirty used gift is a gold digger.

Having an issue with any gift is a character flaw.

How about skid mark underwear?

That is an exception to the rule.