Repeating eighth grade for age/maturity not academics. Thoughts/advice needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

No, he's not. I have an early September birthday kid and our private school wouldn't let her start K at 4. September birthdays are the oldest kids in the class in 95% of the country. If she holds him back he will be with his peers.

I have a September kid as well and our private took my child no issue. Ever consider its not your child that's the issue and its the school and they do it for their needs, not yours. Being 18 all of high school sucks. They are adults ready for college.

Let me guess, your September "kid" is a girl?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop playing games with numbers over a few weeks. September birthday means 14 year old freshman and 18yr old in college. Lots of kids in this situation.

Losing a whole year of education is a far worse problem.

No kid wants to be a 17 year old freshman.

I'm pretty sure actual 17 year olds feel differently.

I agree. Does the pp think they sit around and discuss their ages? This is college not high school.

Gifted kids routinely go to college at 17. Hardworking kids can finish high school in three years and they’ll be 17 or maybe 16. And there are still states that allow different every city and town to make their own rules.

Nobody is finishing high school at 16 regularly. Do you even have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop playing games with numbers over a few weeks. September birthday means 14 year old freshman and 18yr old in college. Lots of kids in this situation.

Losing a whole year of education is a far worse problem.

No kid wants to be a 17 year old freshman.

I'm pretty sure actual 17 year olds feel differently.

I agree. Does the pp think they sit around and discuss their ages? This is college not high school.

Gifted kids routinely go to college at 17. Hardworking kids can finish high school in three years and they’ll be 17 or maybe 16. And there are still states that allow different every city and town to make their own rules.

My husband is super bright and went to college at 16. He said there was no advantage to it and it was actually super awkward socially. He said he’d never do that to his kids no matter how academically ahead they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I’ve found these comments really helpful. Just knowing my concerns aren’t totally out of left field has helped and reading through the thread has made me realize I’m less on the fence than I thought. I see very little downside to having him repeat 8th vs sending him to high school next year.

You want to do it for your mediocre athlete. Then go ahead

[Anonymous]

This would be crushing from a social perspective. The 9th grade friends would move on while the poor 8th grade kid repeats 8th grade. The 7th graders won’t be eager to hang out with the held back kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

No, he's not. I have an early September birthday kid and our private school wouldn't let her start K at 4. September birthdays are the oldest kids in the class in 95% of the country. If she holds him back he will be with his peers.

I have a September kid as well and our private took my child no issue. Ever consider its not your child that's the issue and its the school and they do it for their needs, not yours. Being 18 all of high school sucks. They are adults ready for college.

Let me guess, your September "kid" is a girl?

No, a boy. I don’t get all the boy hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop playing games with numbers over a few weeks. September birthday means 14 year old freshman and 18yr old in college. Lots of kids in this situation.

Losing a whole year of education is a far worse problem.

No kid wants to be a 17 year old freshman.

I'm pretty sure actual 17 year olds feel differently.

I agree. Does the pp think they sit around and discuss their ages? This is college not high school.

Gifted kids routinely go to college at 17. Hardworking kids can finish high school in three years and they’ll be 17 or maybe 16. And there are still states that allow different every city and town to make their own rules.

My husband is super bright and went to college at 16. He said there was no advantage to it and it was actually super awkward socially. He said he’d never do that to his kids no matter how academically ahead they are.

That is a bit different. These kids are turning 18 a few weeks after college starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop playing games with numbers over a few weeks. September birthday means 14 year old freshman and 18yr old in college. Lots of kids in this situation.

Losing a whole year of education is a far worse problem.

No kid wants to be a 17 year old freshman.

I'm pretty sure actual 17 year olds feel differently.

I agree. Does the pp think they sit around and discuss their ages? This is college not high school.

Gifted kids routinely go to college at 17. Hardworking kids can finish high school in three years and they’ll be 17 or maybe 16. And there are still states that allow different every city and town to make their own rules.

My husband is super bright and went to college at 16. He said there was no advantage to it and it was actually super awkward socially. He said he’d never do that to his kids no matter how academically ahead they are.

Your husband's situation is not at all the same.
There's a huge difference between 16 and 17 nearly 18 .

There's a huge difference between spending half your college career under 18 vs a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop playing games with numbers over a few weeks. September birthday means 14 year old freshman and 18yr old in college. Lots of kids in this situation.

Losing a whole year of education is a far worse problem.

No kid wants to be a 17 year old freshman.

I'm pretty sure actual 17 year olds feel differently.

I agree. Does the pp think they sit around and discuss their ages? This is college not high school.

Gifted kids routinely go to college at 17. Hardworking kids can finish high school in three years and they’ll be 17 or maybe 16. And there are still states that allow different every city and town to make their own rules.

My husband is super bright and went to college at 16. He said there was no advantage to it and it was actually super awkward socially. He said he’d never do that to his kids no matter how academically ahead they are.

Your husband's situation is not at all the same.
There's a huge difference between 16 and 17 nearly 18 .

There's a huge difference between spending half your college career under 18 vs a few months.

Right. I was responding to the PP that was insinuating plenty of “hardworking” kids go to college at 16 or 17. We happen to have a Sept birthday boy. We have a Sept 1 cut off but kids with birthdays before Dec can have a waiver and signed to start K early. We opted not to do this, even though our son is extremely bright. Nearly all kids are better off socially and emotionally (if not also academically) from being a little older. There is zero downside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

This is exactly what someone who wants other kids to fail says. You need other kids to struggle so yours shines. Parents need to do what's best for their kid, not for someone else's kid.

Once again, this take is insane. Nobody wants an anonymous stranger's kid to fail so that their own kid will shine brighter. There is a very low probability that OP's kid even goes to the same school as anyone responding. Graduating as a youngish senior and taking a gap year is better than repeating a grade and switching to a different school in order to pull it off. And there's no guarantee that any particular private school will be on board with it if they don't think it's in the best interest of the child. I know at least one head of school who does not rubber stamp these shenanigans because she knows these kids end up bored and under challenged in class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

No, he's not. I have an early September birthday kid and our private school wouldn't let her start K at 4. September birthdays are the oldest kids in the class in 95% of the country. If she holds him back he will be with his peers.

I have a September kid as well and our private took my child no issue. Ever consider its not your child that's the issue and its the school and they do it for their needs, not yours. Being 18 all of high school sucks. They are adults ready for college.

Let me guess, your September "kid" is a girl?

No, a boy. I don’t get all the boy hate.

Because boys and girls are exactly the same? Is that the stance you're taking? No differences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

This is exactly what someone who wants other kids to fail says. You need other kids to struggle so yours shines. Parents need to do what's best for their kid, not for someone else's kid.

Once again, this take is insane. Nobody wants an anonymous stranger's kid to fail so that their own kid will shine brighter. There is a very low probability that OP's kid even goes to the same school as anyone responding. Graduating as a youngish senior and taking a gap year is better than repeating a grade and switching to a different school in order to pull it off. And there's no guarantee that any particular private school will be on board with it if they don't think it's in the best interest of the child. I know at least one head of school who does not rubber stamp these shenanigans because she knows these kids end up bored and under challenged in class.

A gap year is a joke. High school is over and if you weren't mature you probably blew it you need a "gap year". Nobody wants to be intuit position.

[Anonymous]

ONLY do this if he can change schools, never ever ever at the same school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

This is exactly what someone who wants other kids to fail says. You need other kids to struggle so yours shines. Parents need to do what's best for their kid, not for someone else's kid.

Once again, this take is insane. Nobody wants an anonymous stranger's kid to fail so that their own kid will shine brighter. There is a very low probability that OP's kid even goes to the same school as anyone responding. Graduating as a youngish senior and taking a gap year is better than repeating a grade and switching to a different school in order to pull it off. And there's no guarantee that any particular private school will be on board with it if they don't think it's in the best interest of the child. I know at least one head of school who does not rubber stamp these shenanigans because she knows these kids end up bored and under challenged in class.

A gap year is a joke. High school is over and if you weren't mature you probably blew it you need a "gap year". Nobody wants to be intuit position.

Speak for your lame self. I know people who did gap years to do missionary work for their church, mostly in a third world hellhole, definitely not an activity for shiftless losers.

[Anonymous]

TBH - I considered reclassing my 8th grader because of his size, maturity, and sports. I talked to 3 different coaches, and they all said pretty much the same thing…look at how they are doing academically, socially, and physically. My son is a late June birthday and is one of the youngest in his graduating class which puts him at a disadvantage size-wise, but does well academically and socially amongst other 13-14 year olds. I accept kids are all weird from 12-15 years old, it’s an odd period of our lives. We decided not to reclass him because 1) he would be one of the oldest in his class and would feel off about it as he gets older 2) he has no issues other his size (for now). 3) we don’t want to hold him back academically for a no guarantee to play in college.

If your kid truly stands out in their sport, they have the size, played against competitive teams (use this to compare themselves to other athletes), and a strong work ethic then reclassing might be good for them if they are a September baby. I would not hold them back if they are strong academically and socially, that will impact them later on IMO. There is no guarantee they will play in college or in pro sports, that percentage is small. Ask yourself if you’ll regret it later before reclassing. It’s a tough decision, trust your gut. We did and don’t regret it.