Repeating eighth grade for age/maturity not academics. Thoughts/advice needed

[Anonymous]

My son has a late September birthday and since he met the kindergarten cutoff for the district we were in we sent him to kindergarten when he was four. We thought he’d probably repeat kindergarten since he was so young but it ended up being fine. And it’s been fine every year until now. He doesn’t struggle academically but high school is a huge step up in academic demands ( I have an older child in high school and see how demanding it is). He has ADHD and already struggles with executive functioning, he’s young for his grade and he’s a boy — I just don’t feel good about sending him to high school next year. Our district might allow him to repeat eighth at another school or we could send him to a private school for eighth. He seems somewhat open to the idea but the data on grade retention isn’t positive.

What would you do?

One reason he’s somewhat into the idea is he thinks it might help him with his competitive sport in high school which is very important to him.

[Anonymous]

Based on what you're describing, no I wouldn't have him repeat 8th grade. He doesn't struggle academically. If the sport wasn't in the picture, would you even consider this and be honest with yourself.

The social stigma of this is high even if you change schools. All his peers will figure it out.

[Anonymous]

9th grade boys can be a bit of a hot mess. It's a normal and part of the process. I would not have a kid repeat a year with no academic issues.

[Anonymous]

I have a oct birthday son and we did this, but for 6th grade- since we switched districts and schools then. It was absolutely the right decision for us, given a somewhat unique circumstance.

In my son’s case, he skipped kindergarten and went right to first in a private school. He has always been super bright and it made sense then and since the teachers said that was appropriate we just went with it. But we always told him, when he moved schools, he would be put into his appropriate grade for his age. In the district we moved into, there was a highly accelerated program available to 7th and 8th graders- highly accelerated and tons of homework. I knew he qualified with his scores and he needed to be in it, but I thought it would be better for him to be a little older and better with executive function before tackling it. So he repeated 6th grade at his new school. It was fine. The cut off is Sept 1 so he is within normal age for the grade. He had other things to learn outside of academics that year (diverse school, Edtech, making new friends) and we heavily supplemented academic material at home to keep up his academics.

If your son is on board and it is a new school, I’d do it.

[Anonymous]

HS teacher on my lunch break. Plenty of freshman are extremely immature and are different people by the time they are seniors. That isn’t a reason to have him repeat.

Is your son an elite athlete? Are you spending lots of time, money and energy and already thinking about college recruiting? Some kids do actually repeat a year for sports. I think it’s crazy but it happens more than you think in this area. I’ve never heard of it for maturity but know quite a few boys who have for athletics.

[Anonymous]

It is very common in the basketball world for even mediocre players to do a second year of fake 8th grade and start 9th a year late.

[Anonymous]

I would move him right now into 7th grade private school like your local Catholic k-8 school. It will be easier the sooner you do it.

[Anonymous]

OP - he’s not an elite athlete but he does care a lot about his sport. Another thing that’s messing with my head is that he’ll be 17 as a college freshman. Now that it’s getting closer it feels like the wrong move to send him off to college when he’s still a child.

[Anonymous]

I'm normally against redshirting but I would have him repeat 8th in this case. He will be 13 in class with 15 year old freshman boys. The changes from 13 to 15 are immense. I wouldn't want my son in that atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

People call it reclassing. It's common in some circles, mostly around K and 8th. I would do it. I agree with others that he will change a lot in the next few years, but he'll always be the youngest with the worst executive function skills. If he socially gets along with 7th graders now (and you'd know quickly when hanging out that he's in tune with their interests and maturity level), then I would totally do it. Especially if there's a place you like for his 2nd 8th grade and a place you like for high school. I would probably not do high school at the same place he'd go next year, since his classmates will all be there. A private K-12 or 6-12 would be ideal, if that financially works. Or the other public school 8th then private high school.

I'm a teacher and I'm pretty convinced boys on the cusp should always wait. I see summer birthday boys do great sometimes but they're the exception, not the rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would move him right now into 7th grade private school like your local Catholic k-8 school. It will be easier the sooner you do it.

He’s already in 8th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on what you're describing, no I wouldn't have him repeat 8th grade. He doesn't struggle academically. If the sport wasn't in the picture, would you even consider this and be honest with yourself.

The social stigma of this is high even if you change schools. All his peers will figure it out.

He would be going back to the same high school where everyone will now be a year ahead of him? Aren't most of his current friends in 8th grade with him? Is he planning on dropping all of them and getting a new friend group? This sounds pretty terrible, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Would he be able to progress in sequential classes? I realize English 8 is probably English 8 (although a new school might offer different books snd he could at least write different papers), but would he have to repeat the same math/foreign language classes?

Would you be actively working on his executive functioning?

If he can progress (or at least find sone challenge in his classes) and develop better organization and time management skills, then it might make sense. If he’s going to be coasting for a year, just doing busy work, you might see a year where he has things under control, but I don’t think it will address the underlying problems in executive functioning.

Since you seem to be on the fence, I’d leave the choice up to him, but either way you be focusing on executive functioning (and also recognize that the organizational strategies which work for you might not work for him).

[Anonymous]

I know a couple boys who did this. They repeated 8th at a different private school. Worked out well for both. This is common in the DC private school world.

[Anonymous]

I think it would work better to move him now to 7th grade at private school. Doing just 8th at a private school would seem socially very difficult. But I also think it's fine to just do 9th grade and get him an executive function/homework coach if you want.

The other thing I've seen some people do is take a gap year and travel, if that's something you can do. If the issue is just maturity, that works well. But it may get him out of the rhythm of homework, which might make 9th grade harder.