Repeating eighth grade for age/maturity not academics. Thoughts/advice needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9th grade boys can be a bit of a hot mess. It's a normal and part of the process. I would not have a kid repeat a year with no academic issues.

+1

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. Social suicide unless he is switching schools and will know no one.

I teach freshman. They are almost universally hot messes with executive functioning issues. They grow and change by senior year (I also teach seniors).

[Anonymous]

It's the start of the school year.

He'll mature by the end of the year and as others have said 9th graders are immature they are supposed to be and they grow.

What you should do is work on your anxiety and your fear of having an empty nest instead of trying to keep your child your baby and messing up his life in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has a late September birthday and since he met the kindergarten cutoff for the district we were in we sent him to kindergarten when he was four. We thought he’d probably repeat kindergarten since he was so young but it ended up being fine. And it’s been fine every year until now. He doesn’t struggle academically but high school is a huge step up in academic demands ( I have an older child in high school and see how demanding it is). He has ADHD and already struggles with executive functioning, he’s young for his grade and he’s a boy — I just don’t feel good about sending him to high school next year. Our district might allow him to repeat eighth at another school or we could send him to a private school for eighth. He seems somewhat open to the idea but the data on grade retention isn’t positive.

What would you do?

One reason he’s somewhat into the idea is he thinks it might help him with his competitive sport in high school which is very important to him.

No sports activity will ever make up for the embarrassment of being held back a grade. The time to do this was before kindergarten. Once you make the decision not to redshirt K, you have to stick with it. There's no point in wallowing in regrets over past decisions.

By the way, this is not a pro-redshirting stance. Even tho parents never seem to regret redshirting their kids, the kids themselves are not always happy with being the oldest of the pack, so it's not like going back in time would necessarily make things better.

[Anonymous]

I’ve known some people who have done this, and their sons seem to be happy and doing well.

That being said, the maturity increases (physical and emotional) from 8th grade- 10th grade (or thereabouts) are absolutely massive for boys. At least that was the case for both of my DSs.

And many (most) freshman boys are very immature (emotionally if not physically) so it isn’t at all unusual IME. He will be in good company.

I think your son will likely be fine either way.

[Anonymous]

What about his current friend group? If they're in his grade, this would probably end things with them. Also, are the kids in his sport mostly in his grade? If so, that would make things even more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a late September birthday and since he met the kindergarten cutoff for the district we were in we sent him to kindergarten when he was four. We thought he’d probably repeat kindergarten since he was so young but it ended up being fine. And it’s been fine every year until now. He doesn’t struggle academically but high school is a huge step up in academic demands ( I have an older child in high school and see how demanding it is). He has ADHD and already struggles with executive functioning, he’s young for his grade and he’s a boy — I just don’t feel good about sending him to high school next year. Our district might allow him to repeat eighth at another school or we could send him to a private school for eighth. He seems somewhat open to the idea but the data on grade retention isn’t positive.

What would you do?

One reason he’s somewhat into the idea is he thinks it might help him with his competitive sport in high school which is very important to him.

No sports activity will ever make up for the embarrassment of being held back a grade. The time to do this was before kindergarten. Once you make the decision not to redshirt K, you have to stick with it. There's no point in wallowing in regrets over past decisions.

By the way, this is not a pro-redshirting stance. Even tho parents never seem to regret redshirting their kids, the kids themselves are not always happy with being the oldest of the pack, so it's not like going back in time would necessarily make things better.

We know a few boys who have done this and no one makes fun of them or anything. However, all switched schools (usually public to private). Many still travel in the same social circles to some degree though and still live in the same neighborhoods etc. They aren’t getting picked on and no one really talks about it much.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would, very common in our area amongst private school kids.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t. He’a gotten to 8th grade without issues. If he’s not struggling academically, and if it’s primarily for his sport, I wouldn’t do it with my DS. The immaturity is normal for boys at that age.

I have a similar story with my son born on the very last day of the cut-off. We started in him in K at 4 yrs old, and he went to college at 17. He played his sport all through high school just fine. He wasn’t particularly mature, but not overly immature either. College was fine and he graduated after four years.

I’d also be concerned with classes being too easy for your DS next year. Don’t set the expectations low for your son, unless you want him to meet them.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind a lot of the boys he will be in school with are going to have been truly redshirted- meaning some will be almost two years older than him. Added to that the girls will be a year older than him. That's hard.

[Anonymous]

I personally would never redshirt or repeat a grade for sports but my kids aren’t that talented at sports in this first place.

Is he very small and that is why?

If so, know that boys usually do catch up. My son (one of the youngest in his grade) was one of the smallest boys at the beginning of 8th grade- maybe 5’2” 90lbs & physically a little boy. He largely physically caught up with the others maturity-wise by sophomore year. I’d say that is pretty common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a late September birthday and since he met the kindergarten cutoff for the district we were in we sent him to kindergarten when he was four. We thought he’d probably repeat kindergarten since he was so young but it ended up being fine. And it’s been fine every year until now. He doesn’t struggle academically but high school is a huge step up in academic demands ( I have an older child in high school and see how demanding it is). He has ADHD and already struggles with executive functioning, he’s young for his grade and he’s a boy — I just don’t feel good about sending him to high school next year. Our district might allow him to repeat eighth at another school or we could send him to a private school for eighth. He seems somewhat open to the idea but the data on grade retention isn’t positive.

What would you do?

One reason he’s somewhat into the idea is he thinks it might help him with his competitive sport in high school which is very important to him.

No sports activity will ever make up for the embarrassment of being held back a grade. The time to do this was before kindergarten. Once you make the decision not to redshirt K, you have to stick with it. There's no point in wallowing in regrets over past decisions.

By the way, this is not a pro-redshirting stance. Even tho parents never seem to regret redshirting their kids, the kids themselves are not always happy with being the oldest of the pack, so it's not like going back in time would necessarily make things better.

HS teacher and re classing, as it’s called, is not embarrassing at all for the boys. They openly talk about it but it’s for sports and often when they change schools and apply to privates.

[Anonymous]

Reclassing for sports is common in private schools. My oldest was on a prep school hockey team where 20 of the 25 boys reclassed when they moved into the school. Even had a few boys graduate at another school then redo senior year at his school.

[Anonymous]

I have an 8th grader summer birthday kid also with adhd. I am not having her repeat a year. She’s not a rockstar academically but I think she would be bored doing everything again.

[Anonymous]

No. There’s plenty of immature boys in 9th grade regardless of exact age. He will be fine.