Repeating eighth grade for age/maturity not academics. Thoughts/advice needed

[Anonymous]

OP - I’ve found these comments really helpful. Just knowing my concerns aren’t totally out of left field has helped and reading through the thread has made me realize I’m less on the fence than I thought. I see very little downside to having him repeat 8th vs sending him to high school next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - he’s not an elite athlete but he does care a lot about his sport. Another thing that’s messing with my head is that he’ll be 17 as a college freshman. Now that it’s getting closer it feels like the wrong move to send him off to college when he’s still a child.

Until recently the cut off date in some towns was December 31. Kids went to college as 17 year olds all the time. Some boys would start kindergarten later because they weren’t ready. Back then sports players on the fence would go another year post high school to a prep school to build their skills. It’s a little different now but it’s still the same idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

No, he's not. I have an early September birthday kid and our private school wouldn't let her start K at 4. September birthdays are the oldest kids in the class in 95% of the country. If she holds him back he will be with his peers.

I have a September kid as well and our private took my child no issue. Ever consider its not your child that's the issue and its the school and they do it for their needs, not yours. Being 18 all of high school sucks. They are adults ready for college.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see how this would work unless he changes schools. At my kid’s public middle school, he took 3 classes for high school credit in 8th grade. Is a kid supposed to repeat these even when he did fine academically? Does he take the same classes two years in a row? That seems really pointless/boring/frustrating. Not to mention suddenly being a year behind all his friends.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know any public school that would allow this for a kid not failing multiple core classes. I’m am nearly certain you will need to go to private school and yes I know people who have done this. But public schools don’t just give out an extra year of school for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

No, he's not. I have an early September birthday kid and our private school wouldn't let her start K at 4. September birthdays are the oldest kids in the class in 95% of the country. If she holds him back he will be with his peers.

I have a September kid as well and our private took my child no issue. Ever consider its not your child that's the issue and its the school and they do it for their needs, not yours. Being 18 all of high school sucks. They are adults ready for college.

There are lots of kids who went "on time" and who turn 18 in September, October or November of the school year. This kid would be well in a normal age range and not old at all if they repeat. Many southern and western schools now even have a July 31 or August 1 cutoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know any public school that would allow this for a kid not failing multiple core classes. I’m am nearly certain you will need to go to private school and yes I know people who have done this. But public schools don’t just give out an extra year of school for free.

Exactly. This is a rich people thing. Why not just start with private school and redshirting K in the first place? Less disruptive to the child's education.

[Anonymous]

I have not read the whole thread, but we were in the exact same situation and our kid repeated. DC said it was best decision ever. Had nothing to do with grades (kid was always an A student and graduated as valedictorian), but emotionally and even physically kid seemed young. We couldn’t imagine them in college at 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

No, he's not. I have an early September birthday kid and our private school wouldn't let her start K at 4. September birthdays are the oldest kids in the class in 95% of the country. If she holds him back he will be with his peers.

I have a September kid as well and our private took my child no issue. Ever consider its not your child that's the issue and its the school and they do it for their needs, not yours. Being 18 all of high school sucks. They are adults ready for college.

There are lots of kids who went "on time" and who turn 18 in September, October or November of the school year. This kid would be well in a normal age range and not old at all if they repeat. Many southern and western schools now even have a July 31 or August 1 cutoff.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - he’s not an elite athlete but he does care a lot about his sport. Another thing that’s messing with my head is that he’ll be 17 as a college freshman. Now that it’s getting closer it feels like the wrong move to send him off to college when he’s still a child.

My late November boy just started London School of Economics as a 17 year old.
And he's not allowed to have roommates since he's a minor so not allowed to room with an adult stranger.
But they do serve ale on a regular basis on the weekend evenings in the common room where the kids gather.

I myself am also a late November baby and started college as a 17 year old.

[Anonymous]

OP - I’ve found these comments really helpful. Just knowing my concerns aren’t totally out of left field has helped and reading through the thread has made me realize I’m less on the fence than I thought. I see very little downside to having him repeat 8th vs sending him to high school next year.

I responded above that our kid repeated 8th grade. I should have added that DC did this at a private school (our public school would not allow this for a good student). When we were considering this, an educator told us we would probably always wonder if we chose not to do it, but had never heard from anyone who regretted it. Our kid has a late October birthday and told us they finally felt like they were in classes with kids their own age.

[Anonymous]

We had a similar profile child - but our kid was not open to it.
The executive functioning challenges through HS were really hard on him and the family.
In addition there was the maturity and physical development.

My son is now a sophomore in college and his freshman year was really hard as well.

If you do not do it now - please seriously consider a gap year of some type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop playing games with numbers over a few weeks. September birthday means 14 year old freshman and 18yr old in college. Lots of kids in this situation.

Losing a whole year of education is a far worse problem.

No kid wants to be a 17 year old freshman.

I'm pretty sure actual 17 year olds feel differently.

I agree. Does the pp think they sit around and discuss their ages? This is college not high school.

Gifted kids routinely go to college at 17. Hardworking kids can finish high school in three years and they’ll be 17 or maybe 16. And there are still states that allow different every city and town to make their own rules.

[Anonymous]

I went to college at 17. It was much more common 20 years ago or more due to December kindergarten cut offs. Can’t say there was a single advantage to it. Since he’s asking for it, give your child the gift of time, you and he won’t regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to people who want your kid to fail because they are perpetually in competition with everyone. You only get one shot at high school and no do overs. Set him up for success and give him the time he needs.

This take is insane. Being held back is the real failure, even if you are part of the rich set who switch to private school where half the boys do it and call it by the euphemism "reclassing." These schools do not have a good culture and new problems will crop up as you attempt to correct one very minor problem.

He's being held back. They never should have let a boy start kindergarten at 4. That's insane. He's being allowed to catch up to his actually peers.

If he's held back, he's not with his peers as that new grade level is much younger.

This is exactly what someone who wants other kids to fail says. You need other kids to struggle so yours shines. Parents need to do what's best for their kid, not for someone else's kid.