Does staying fit count as a contribution to your marriage?

[Anonymous]

In our house the one who works out daily is less fit than the one who never works out.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

I don't see it as a "contribution"...I see it as something people do to stay healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

So are you saying that you would be willing to take on more chores, childcare, and pet care if your less fit spouse spent more time working out? Because you would consider that a contribution to the marriage/household?

Of course not, it's only all about OP.

I don’t know. Give OP the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

So are you saying that you would be willing to take on more chores, childcare, and pet care if your less fit spouse spent more time working out? Because you would consider that a contribution to the marriage/household?

Of course not, it's only all about OP.

I don’t know. Give OP the benefit of the doubt.

If youre the OP, you can just say that.

[Anonymous]

To the extent that it makes you a more available, capable partner? sure. If it's taking away time and energy from your relationship, and is really more of your personal hobby than basic maintenance, then no, especially if your partner doesn't have equal time to pursue their interests.

So no, being a gymrat/gymbunny isn't automatically a contribution to your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

So are you saying that you would be willing to take on more chores, childcare, and pet care if your less fit spouse spent more time working out? Because you would consider that a contribution to the marriage/household?

Of course not, it's only all about OP.

I don’t know. Give OP the benefit of the doubt.

If youre the OP, you can just say that.

lol…no. I like to imagine OP offering to clean out the hamster cage while their spouse works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ehhh, in the process of a really shitty divorce and his gym time definitely played into it.
“Do you want to get lunch today?” “No, I’m going to gym.” (Rinse and repeat a million times)
“I’m going to get stocking stuffers on my lunch break, can you help?” “”No, I have to go to the gym”
“Do you have time to pick up milk and eggs?” “No, I’m going to the gym”

Rinse and repeat.
I eventually found a gym where I could take a 5 am class because that was the ONLY time I could find for myself- and it wasn’t even noted that mom’s gym time meant losing sleep. Everything else just needed to get done.

I could be wrong but I imagine the gym was a red herring in your situation. Your husband didn't like spending time with you, didn't want to help with the kids, and didn't want to help around the house. The fact that he was going to the gym during those times is a moot point. He could have been on his phone, having an affair, playing golf, sleeping, it doesn't really matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ehhh, in the process of a really shitty divorce and his gym time definitely played into it.
“Do you want to get lunch today?” “No, I’m going to gym.” (Rinse and repeat a million times)
“I’m going to get stocking stuffers on my lunch break, can you help?” “”No, I have to go to the gym”
“Do you have time to pick up milk and eggs?” “No, I’m going to the gym”

Rinse and repeat.
I eventually found a gym where I could take a 5 am class because that was the ONLY time I could find for myself- and it wasn’t even noted that mom’s gym time meant losing sleep. Everything else just needed to get done.

I could be wrong but I imagine the gym was a red herring in your situation. Your husband didn't like spending time with you, didn't want to help with the kids, and didn't want to help around the house. The fact that he was going to the gym during those times is a moot point. He could have been on his phone, having an affair, playing golf, sleeping, it doesn't really matter.

I’m a different poster who was in a similar situation. It does matter because he felt like the OP does. Like his going to the gym was him contributing to the marriage/household. This was how he justified it being equivalent to me getting the kids ready for school. Not equivalent to me reading or talking to my mom on the phone or OP’s spouse playing video games. He didn’t really view it as his “free time.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

These are times that you might be spending time together as a couple or a family, and instead you are going to the gym. I’m not sayin that one of these things is better than the other, but you can’t spend a lot of your free time doing something and then claim that you aren’t missing out on anything else.

OP here. Nope, I'm not missing out on anything. I exercise for about 2 hours a week total when the kids are asleep and my spouse would be ignoring me for their computer / video games anyway. I use the gym childcare about once every 2 weeks.

I think you are lying to yourself that you aren’t missing out on anything. That’s just not how time works. We all have 24 hours in a day. If you are spending an hour doing something, then you are not spending that hour doing something else. You cannot organize your life so that you can spend 5-10 hours a week doing something and give up nothing in order to do it.

[Anonymous]

If you work out enough to have a gym membership, you can easily buy home gym equipment and work out at home, while watching the kids or with the kids. We gave up our gym membership and used the money to buy a few items, and DH works out after dinner and all the kids play downstairs while he’s working out and watching them. I do consider investing in your health and wellness a contribution to your family - both of us are modeling a healthy lifestyle for our kids, trying to prolong our healthy years of life for the family, and trying to look better for ourselves and each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our house the one who works out daily is less fit than the one who never works out.

What's your definition of fit? Do you mean to say the one who weighs less? Because I could believe that over someone who never works out being physically fit.

[Anonymous]

I think eating healthy and exercising contributes but only to a point. If it takes out more than an hour or so a day and costs more than we can afford the answer is its both a blessing and a curse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes especially because it aids me in childcare and yard work. I can lift my 50 lb kid and carry him around. I can chase him, play ball, taught him how to swim, ride bikes and horses. Being fit lets me garden, weed, clean the gutters etc.

This post deserves more love IMO.

Many PPs are way underestimating the value of fitness as a multiplier when it comes to performing other parenting and household tasks (not to mention in the bedroom too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes especially because it aids me in childcare and yard work. I can lift my 50 lb kid and carry him around. I can chase him, play ball, taught him how to swim, ride bikes and horses. Being fit lets me garden, weed, clean the gutters etc.

This post deserves more love IMO.

Many PPs are way underestimating the value of fitness as a multiplier when it comes to performing other parenting and household tasks (not to mention in the bedroom too).

I don’t think it’s doing anything in the bedroom if OP is working out after the kids go to bed at night.