Does staying fit count as a contribution to your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Almost no one is working out after the kids go to bed seven days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ehhh, in the process of a really shitty divorce and his gym time definitely played into it.
“Do you want to get lunch today?” “No, I’m going to gym.” (Rinse and repeat a million times)
“I’m going to get stocking stuffers on my lunch break, can you help?” “”No, I have to go to the gym”
“Do you have time to pick up milk and eggs?” “No, I’m going to the gym”

Rinse and repeat.
I eventually found a gym where I could take a 5 am class because that was the ONLY time I could find for myself- and it wasn’t even noted that mom’s gym time meant losing sleep. Everything else just needed to get done.

I could be wrong but I imagine the gym was a red herring in your situation. Your husband didn't like spending time with you, didn't want to help with the kids, and didn't want to help around the house. The fact that he was going to the gym during those times is a moot point. He could have been on his phone, having an affair, playing golf, sleeping, it doesn't really matter.

I’m a different poster who was in a similar situation. It does matter because he felt like the OP does. Like his going to the gym was him contributing to the marriage/household. This was how he justified it being equivalent to me getting the kids ready for school. Not equivalent to me reading or talking to my mom on the phone or OP’s spouse playing video games. He didn’t really view it as his “free time.”

Ok, and if he lost that battle with you he'd just end up spending more time at work, or more time in the yard, or something else that he wanted to do more than he wanted to spend time with you or do what needed to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

These are times that you might be spending time together as a couple or a family, and instead you are going to the gym. I’m not sayin that one of these things is better than the other, but you can’t spend a lot of your free time doing something and then claim that you aren’t missing out on anything else.

OP here. Nope, I'm not missing out on anything. I exercise for about 2 hours a week total when the kids are asleep and my spouse would be ignoring me for their computer / video games anyway. I use the gym childcare about once every 2 weeks.

I think you are lying to yourself that you aren’t missing out on anything. That’s just not how time works. We all have 24 hours in a day. If you are spending an hour doing something, then you are not spending that hour doing something else. You cannot organize your life so that you can spend 5-10 hours a week doing something and give up nothing in order to do it.

Sounds like OP gave up sleep and lunch breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ehhh, in the process of a really shitty divorce and his gym time definitely played into it.
“Do you want to get lunch today?” “No, I’m going to gym.” (Rinse and repeat a million times)
“I’m going to get stocking stuffers on my lunch break, can you help?” “”No, I have to go to the gym”
“Do you have time to pick up milk and eggs?” “No, I’m going to the gym”

Rinse and repeat.
I eventually found a gym where I could take a 5 am class because that was the ONLY time I could find for myself- and it wasn’t even noted that mom’s gym time meant losing sleep. Everything else just needed to get done.

I could be wrong but I imagine the gym was a red herring in your situation. Your husband didn't like spending time with you, didn't want to help with the kids, and didn't want to help around the house. The fact that he was going to the gym during those times is a moot point. He could have been on his phone, having an affair, playing golf, sleeping, it doesn't really matter.

I’m a different poster who was in a similar situation. It does matter because he felt like the OP does. Like his going to the gym was him contributing to the marriage/household. This was how he justified it being equivalent to me getting the kids ready for school. Not equivalent to me reading or talking to my mom on the phone or OP’s spouse playing video games. He didn’t really view it as his “free time.”

Ok, and if he lost that battle with you he'd just end up spending more time at work, or more time in the yard, or something else that he wanted to do more than he wanted to spend time with you or do what needed to be done.

Right. So staying fit is NOT a contribution to a marriage. It’s you checking out of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a man, I can assure you no wife on Earth counts you staying fit as a contribution to the marriage. She counts you going to the gym as you having time to yourself, she's mad about it, and she holds it against you.

Haha - nailed it. At least this is true during the kid years. They also don’t want to have to have sex with a fat schlub either. Guys with a Channing Tatum body aren’t having to worry about a dead bedroom. They may have other issues that she hates you for but she’s hating you while she’s f’ng you.

[Anonymous]

As a female I do think that staying in decent shape and being slim contributes to my marriage. It's mostly about eating but I do workout lightly a few times a week. This is mostly done during my own down time before/after kids are in bed. I do think DH values my looks in that he wouldn't be super excited if I were overweight/ lacked any muscle tone at all.

My DH doesnt work out and doesn't particularly watch what he eats but is naturally slim. I don't really care but would like him to work out more once our kids are a little more independent. I think some exercise for health later in life is a contribution. If you fall apart in later years because you ate terribly and never exercised that affects your spouse too.

Now, someone training for marathons, golfing for hours, etc with young children at home is just being selfish and obviously doing the opposite of contributing

[Anonymous]

Op, you been over on Reddit?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ncu27t/aita_for_wanting_to_leave_my_pregnant_wife_with/

[Anonymous]

My is fat and I still love her. She has had love/hate relationship with exercise over the past 20 years. She tries her best but obesity runs in her family as well..she eats healthy sleeps well and has a positive attitude. Despite being visibly fat she is actually healthy. Me on the other hand I am extremely fit. I am 50 and I am as strong as when I was 35. I love lifting weight because it helps me manage stress and it also keeps my libido up.

[Anonymous]

Of course not.

Are you a man? Can’t imagine a woman trying to get relationship credit for working out .

[Anonymous]

You do it for you, which is fine.

But the fact that you are trying to get relationship credit for it tells me you don’t have real stuff to list in that category.

[Anonymous]

I definitely consider my wife going swimming as a contribution to the marriage, and I make sure that she has time to do it. She has a lot of issues with pain that have been helped by swimming. As a consequence, she's in a better mood and we get along a lot better.