Does staying fit count as a contribution to your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse is fit, works out multiple times a week, and eats healthy, while the other never works out, is obese, and avoids most fruits and vegetables, does staying fit count as a contribution to the marriage? Let's assume both people work the same hours, have similar amounts of free time, and are without major health issues.

Both extremes are as bad as the other. But both are rooted in mental illness and spouses have an obligation to treat mental illnesses.

Nobody has an obligation to be in shape and skinny.

No accepting your spouses aging body is a form of abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends' husbands is always training for ultramarathons. But that means he's gone literally all day, every weekend, because it takes a wee bit of time to run 100km. Is he fit? Sure. Does he ever see his kids, or participate in family life? Rarely.

He’s having an affair with the “running buddy”

Ironically, my friend's husband was having an affair with a woman in his running group. It started right after one of the other men in the group had an affair with the same woman. Co-ed running groups ... I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife told me that she would rather I have a one-night stand than be into video games. She said with the one-night stand we could get over it and move on, and that at least she could still understand me as a man.

With the video games, she said it would just be death by a thousand cuts.

She sounds like people that don’t like tattoos for some irrational reason and some bizarre socialization that she got as a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends' husbands is always training for ultramarathons. But that means he's gone literally all day, every weekend, because it takes a wee bit of time to run 100km. Is he fit? Sure. Does he ever see his kids, or participate in family life? Rarely.

He’s having an affair with the “running buddy”

Ironically, my friend's husband was having an affair with a woman in his running group. It started right after one of the other men in the group had an affair with the same woman. Co-ed running groups ... I don't know.

Being a runner in general points to some need for attention and low self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse is fit, works out multiple times a week, and eats healthy, while the other never works out, is obese, and avoids most fruits and vegetables, does staying fit count as a contribution to the marriage? Let's assume both people work the same hours, have similar amounts of free time, and are without major health issues.

Both extremes are as bad as the other. But both are rooted in mental illness and spouses have an obligation to treat mental illnesses.

Nobody has an obligation to be in shape and skinny.

No accepting your spouses aging body is a form of abuse.

Interesting that you consider both to be a form of mental illness. I don’t like extremes. Was raised by one fitness fanatic and hated it so I’m not impressed by people like that now. The other parent wasn’t the opposite but was in the middle. They gradually moved to the other extreme.

I do consider that trying to stay relatively fit and attractive is a contribution to the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse is fit, works out multiple times a week, and eats healthy, while the other never works out, is obese, and avoids most fruits and vegetables, does staying fit count as a contribution to the marriage? Let's assume both people work the same hours, have similar amounts of free time, and are without major health issues.

Both extremes are as bad as the other. But both are rooted in mental illness and spouses have an obligation to treat mental illnesses.

Nobody has an obligation to be in shape and skinny.

No accepting your spouses aging body is a form of abuse.

Interesting that you consider both to be a form of mental illness. I don’t like extremes. Was raised by one fitness fanatic and hated it so I’m not impressed by people like that now. The other parent wasn’t the opposite but was in the middle. They gradually moved to the other extreme.

I do consider that trying to stay relatively fit and attractive is a contribution to the marriage.

There’s lots of research on marathon runner and extreme sports people having mental illness. We know that super skinny people have a mental illness.

And there’s a ton of research, saying people who are obese have trauma in their lives.

Rape victims have a high rate of obesity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse is fit, works out multiple times a week, and eats healthy, while the other never works out, is obese, and avoids most fruits and vegetables, does staying fit count as a contribution to the marriage? Let's assume both people work the same hours, have similar amounts of free time, and are without major health issues.

Both extremes are as bad as the other. But both are rooted in mental illness and spouses have an obligation to treat mental illnesses.

Nobody has an obligation to be in shape and skinny.

No accepting your spouses aging body is a form of abuse.

Not wanting to have sex with someone who has gained 30lbs and doesn’t do basic skincare or hair maintenance is natural though. I don’t care that my spouse has gotten older. Gray hair and wrinkles are fine. Giving up and getting fat is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a man, I can assure you no wife on Earth counts you staying fit as a contribution to the marriage. She counts you going to the gym as you having time to yourself, she's mad about it, and she holds it against you.

Truth!

I know several men who leave the house early to go to the gym, while the wife dresses, feeds, gets homework, gets them to school. Their wives are bitter, out of shape and exhausted. This is why wives stop wanting sex. The DH is completely unsexy.

[Anonymous]

No. They should be doing that for the sake of their own health and whether or not they are married.

[Anonymous]

Pregnancy and breastfeeding take a toll on the body in a way men can't imagine. Gaining weight is not a violation of your wedding vows. ie. the better or worse clause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. They should be doing that for the sake of their own health and whether or not they are married.[/quote

They are self centered aholes. They care about themselves more than their families. I see them at my gym. Barf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pregnancy and breastfeeding take a toll on the body in a way men can't imagine. Gaining weight is not a violation of your wedding vows. ie. the better or worse clause.

Absolutely. But continually making poor choices despite having a supportive partner is your fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse is fit, works out multiple times a week, and eats healthy, while the other never works out, is obese, and avoids most fruits and vegetables, does staying fit count as a contribution to the marriage? Let's assume both people work the same hours, have similar amounts of free time, and are without major health issues.

If there are different gender, or different ages or one has given birth then there can be no comparison.

You can be equitable only in same sex marriages. Because men have more muscles and less hormonal rollercoasters

[Anonymous]

When I was single I had no desire to hop in bed with a very obese wife. I still feel that way being married for 25 years.

[Anonymous]

That’s a weird way to word it but I find it very attractive when my husband works out, which makes intimacy easier and more fun so I guess so? But the way being competent and being able to like make a quick 30 minute dinner is helpful to my marriage but deciding to take multiple hours to shop for, make and clean up a fancy 3 course meal is not really (not that that’s ever happened, LOL). It’s about recognizing that your household has a lot of needs and if one gets out of balance something else will suffer. So like I think parents alternating mornings they get to go work out for an hour and the everyone tries to eat moderately healthy is perfect. Marathon running or weirdly obsessing about protein (and strange meats - remember the thread about the woman whose partner was buying tons of bison or something?) is not cool when you have young kids.