Does staying fit count as a contribution to your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Not staying fit, per se, but not destroying your health. If you agreed to grow old together, don’t eat junk and abuse yourself. Your spouse will have to pay dearly.

[Anonymous]

No. It's not. Has nothing to do with marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

So you're trying to justify all the time spent at the gym as your "contribution" towards your marriage? Why do YOU think it is a contribution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

How long can a marriage between a person who values and prioritizes fitness and a person who their spouse describes as "never works out, is obese" and "spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games" really last? That sounds like an irresolvable values conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

So it seems like each of you is spending your spare time doing a thing you like to do, whether it's working out or games. Not a contribution. If thd working out spouse considers it a chore, they can just stop going to the gym. If the other spouse insists they go, while remaining obese and lazy, then they are just a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

Your being a gym rat only contributes to the marriage in the same way that your spouse playing video games does.

[Anonymous]

A minimum level of fitness is a contribution, as long as it's done efficiently and isn't burdensome to the family.

Being more fit than is really necessary is a leisure activity, and a fitness regime that dominated the schedule or the menu and is burdensome to others is not a contribution, it's a deduction. When I was postpartum my DH decided to get into "the best shape of his life" and basically ditched me and his firstborn child for hours every weekend, and I still resent it 12 years later.

Parking the kids at gym daycare is also bad, especially if you delude yourself that that counts as spending time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A minimum level of fitness is a contribution, as long as it's done efficiently and isn't burdensome to the family.

Being more fit than is really necessary is a leisure activity, and a fitness regime that dominated the schedule or the menu and is burdensome to others is not a contribution, it's a deduction. When I was postpartum my DH decided to get into "the best shape of his life" and basically ditched me and his firstborn child for hours every weekend, and I still resent it 12 years later.

Parking the kids at gym daycare is also bad, especially if you delude yourself that that counts as spending time with them.

This.

It's a contribution but a very small one. I'd put it way lower on the list than many other things.

[Anonymous]

I think viewing it that way is toxic and it sounds like fit spouse resents the other spouse.

I'm a fit person, I work out a lot. I do it for me, not for anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends' husbands is always training for ultramarathons. But that means he's gone literally all day, every weekend, because it takes a wee bit of time to run 100km. Is he fit? Sure. Does he ever see his kids, or participate in family life? Rarely.

He’s having an affair with the “running buddy”

[Anonymous]

Yes especially because it aids me in childcare and yard work. I can lift my 50 lb kid and carry him around. I can chase him, play ball, taught him how to swim, ride bikes and horses. Being fit lets me garden, weed, clean the gutters etc.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Staying fit is always appreciated but agree that working out needs to be efficient.

[Anonymous]

Yes it's important to me.

To me, not trying to maintain your fitness is the same as constantly eating junk all day, not sleeping, smoking, drinking excessive alcohol, doing drugs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse is fit, works out multiple times a week, and eats healthy, while the other never works out, is obese, and avoids most fruits and vegetables, does staying fit count as a contribution to the marriage? Let's assume both people work the same hours, have similar amounts of free time, and are without major health issues.

Yes because staying alive is a contribution.

[Anonymous]

No but I’ve been married for 25 years and don’t keep score.