She’s not allowed to just keep popping in and out of our lives

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think people are being unreasonably harsh. Imagine you have a friend who isn’t there for anything other than fun. Is that truly a friend? It sounds self-serving, and that’s not what friend OR family are. Why does this grandma get a pass, “because she raised her kids already”? This gives her the privilege of not showing up and then expecting to be catered to on her terms? I understand OPs frustration.

It's not grandmas responsibility to be there for random dinners. She's not a parent. She raised her kids. She has the right to enjoy her life and her friends and not be at ops beck and call

I agree. But it’s also not her right to be there at Christmas or Halloween, and that’s the issue, because shes acting like it is.

So tell her Christmas doesn’t work, but she can come over on the 26th. Tell her Halloween doesn’t work, but she can come over the following weekend. Or whatever.

Yes, this. Use your words. Op this is your family, you get to dictate who sees your kids and when.

No she doesn't. Clearly. That's the part she's finding hard to accept. But go ahead and continue alienating and pushing away someone you wish spent more time with you as if that makes some kind of sense. Hey, you can't fire me because I quit!!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You are strange. And you sound very demanding. What’s wrong with the grandma that the kids see on holidays and birthdays? Are you pissed off that she doesn’t babysit enough? That’s not her obligation. Get over it and except what she will give.

That's exactly what it is op feels entitled to her mom's time as if she were still a child.

According to op her mom should not travel l, should not spend time with friends, shouldn't do anything else but liver her life entirely revolving around her

I don’t care what she does, but then she can’t complain that she has been ignored. THAT is the issue.

That is actually not what OP said was the issue.

OP here and yes, this is exactly the issue.

We invite her to things (NOT babysitting, as others have suggested; things like Sunday dinner, for a BBQ, etc.) and she declines or cancels, but she expects to be the main character at every holiday, and when she comes, she complains about how we “avoid” her, when it’s HER avoiding US. My post is being misconstrued. It’s unfair that she comes and goes into our life however she pleases, and then blames us for it!

Because OP is changing the story now that she's being called out on her BS. I have a sibling who does the same crap. She think swerr;e all supposed to go to her BBQ,s sports events dnners, etc, and if we go to enough of them then we earn being able to see them on holidays. She's a narcissistic Lying PITA just like OP who is always the victim and always being wrong and misunderstood.

Where is that in the OP?

I am not changing the story, and it’s in my OP.

“We invite her to things all year long and she will decline, claiming she’s too busy with this or that thing, or will accept and then cancel, claiming something came up. But then the second it’s someone’s birthday or a holiday, suddenly she’s champing at the bit to see us, playing the victim and acting like we’ve been avoiding her. It’s infuriating. I’m so sick of it.”

[Anonymous]

She is not popping in and out if your life. She is around for holidays - like a lot of family. Why do you expect her life to revolve around your kids? She is the grandmother, not the mother.