Impressive parents with below average kids

[Anonymous]

Could be affluenza. Kids have everything they need and thus don't have the hunger to excel.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the easy kids always grow into the most successful adults. They are often people pleasers who can't and don't think for themselves. They just do as they're told and then eventually flounder when they're young adults and don't know how to think.

My kids challenge absolutely everything and often melt down when frustrated, but I think that can come along with a high IQ and asynchronous development. I know I wasn't an easy kid, but that same tenacity that drove my mother nuts has also pushed me along in my career. Time will tell if they grow into successful adults or delinquents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The initial post talks about intelligence a lot, but then the follow up talks about behavior.

Those 2 things have little to do with one another.

+1, and also this whole thread is really about one interaction with one family, from which OP is making all kinds of leaps. Just say "I am disappointed my nice friends have bratty kids."

I have known the family for a decade. It is not one interaction. Our kids go to the same school.

I was appalled at their poor behavior. However, they are also low performers at school. They quit all their sports. They hate their instruments.

Assuming this is elementary…How do you know who is a “low performer” at school? And based upon what criteria exactly? A lot of kids don’t enjoy organized sports or just try out different rec sports at this age (and perhaps don’t return the next season). A lot of kids think practicing instrument is a drag and only do it because their parents make them (raising my own hand on this one…ended up playing in the HS band and enjoying it very much).

The kids are complete duds. I don’t know what to tell you. It is such a stark contrast so it seems even worse.

I’m fairly certain the dad does not like the kids and tries to work more to avoid them.

Maybe they’re not neurotypical and they’re high needs kids. My oldest is ND and my second child is typically developing. You might vacation with me and think my ADHD is terribly behaved, but he’s just ND and we are doing a lot to help him - but things like a vacation with a lot of unstructured time, being out of routine and in your case, non stop socialization, might exacerbate his behaviors. And some kids are just more difficult than others. Even my friends who have typically developing kids have some who are harder to parent than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

This post is simply mean spirited. Let’s move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

It’s already been stated on the thread OP, but it’s certainly worth reiterating: these “career people” that you see are just that. Their career has always come first and they outsourced all the parental duties. I don’t envy this dynamic in any way as money can come and go, but you only have a few short years to focus on raising your family when kids are young.

NP. Do all the people responding to this thread only have young kids? Mine are young adults, and based on what I saw among the ones who went to HS with them, plenty of duds come from families with a SAHM. I don’t see any correlation whatsoever for the outcomes of the “career” parents vs those who dedicated their lives to child rearing.

One thing I did see is that bratty kids become bratty adults which coupled with their parents’ connections makes them successful finance/IB bros. Kindness is not always rewarded in the workplace. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the kids have household chores like vacuuming, dusting, mopping? Did they ever learn to do yard work such as weeding and cutting grass? Do they change sheets and help make beds? Much is given to kids nowadays and they don’t realize what goes into common chores or functions. There’s no appreciation or gratitude because they are so far removed from any work.

No, their kids don’t do chores. I asked one of them to do something small and it caused a ton of drama. The kid never did it. In attempts to be anonymous, I will give a very simple type of example. “Could you please throw out your trash from the table?” It was something very basic I would ask my kids to do. I was not trying to discipline or be demanding but it turned out to be a big deal causing a lot of drama.

Please don't judge other parents. You have no idea! And no my kids were 'normal'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see this outcome pretty frequently. It's permissive parents who can't seem to utter the word "no" and aimless kids with bottom-rung hygiene, accomplishments, health, social life. What a waste.

One of my longest friendships is with a woman who pioneered self-care before it was named. She outsourced all parenting to nannies, doesn't cook for herself or her family - it's all doordash. Does a lot of solo travel, spends weekend mornings doing yoga followed by a latte, instead of connecting with her kids that she hasn't seen all week. Her kids are a hot mess.

Some friend you are.

[Anonymous]

You really can't tell until the kids are fully grown. But also, stop being so competitive, DC! We're all just trying to make it through this world unharmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

Regression to the mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

This post is simply mean spirited. Let’s move on.

+1 There's no possibility that a dumb OP like this one who wants to make a conclusion about impressive parents having below average kids based on two people she sort of knows and has beef with, to understand anything like regression towards the mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

I mean, for starters, the kids are KIDS and the adults are ADULTS. How do you compare those two? How do you know what the adults were like when they were kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

They may kind, intelligent, or "impressive" people but they don't seem to be very good parents. Being smart or good at your job doesn't make you a good mom or dad. Isn't that kind of obvious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

This post is simply mean spirited. Let’s move on.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the easy kids always grow into the most successful adults. They are often people pleasers who can't and don't think for themselves. They just do as they're told and then eventually flounder when they're young adults and don't know how to think.

My kids challenge absolutely everything and often melt down when frustrated, but I think that can come along with a high IQ and asynchronous development. I know I wasn't an easy kid, but that same tenacity that drove my mother nuts has also pushed me along in my career. Time will tell if they grow into successful adults or delinquents.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The mom and dad are super impressive. They are some of the smartest classy people we know. Total super achievers.

We get it. You've said the same thing twenty times. Go troll somewhere else.