Impressive parents with below average kids

[Anonymous]

Adding to the above- I do acknowledge that my experience was largely possible because of the tech boom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting well is difficult and exhausting. It’s impossible to do it while pushing very hard in your career. People can get away with it if it’s only one parent who has a big career, or if they end up lucky with very easy to parent kids. But otherwise not.

Agree. And while you can outsource common parenting tasks (driving, cooking, cleaning, etc), you absolutely cannot outsource good parenting.

Even if you get very “good” kids in this situation, they may have difficult relationships with the parent. My friend was a pretty “good” kid but raised by the nanny (parents are an investment banking managing director and a biglaw partner). Very polite, very close to friends, very close to the nanny and grandparents, but difficult relationships with own parents.

My sister and brother in law both have big careers and their three kids are close with them. There are many more factors at play besides career that determine parental relationship with kids, including kids personalities, parents personalities, parenting styles, quality of time spent together, sibling dynamics etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience is that terrible kids (of successful parents) often become successful adults. I was a terrible kid bad grades, bad attitude and in trouble all the time. In college I (the one I barely got into) I was pretty successful - once got out I killed it in the working world by the time I was 26 I was making double what my Dad was making at The time. By the time I was 30 I was a married dad of 3 with a huge house in Potomac. Now at 50 I have a net worth that would blow my parents’ minds if I told them. I have a fantastic life. I have lots of friends who have the same story. In my opinion being a good kid means conforming to what others want from you but being a successful adult means going after what you want.

So you were going after what you want as a kid and that’s what got you into trouble? What do you think flicked the switch for you in college where you turned your grades around? Was it just that you didn’t need to do math or whatever anymore as a lawyer so you realized that you could finally do well and just ran with it? Or you did something entrepreneurial and didn’t need good grades? Do you see what others would call “ADHD” in yourself or your friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting well is difficult and exhausting. It’s impossible to do it while pushing very hard in your career. People can get away with it if it’s only one parent who has a big career, or if they end up lucky with very easy to parent kids. But otherwise not.

Agree. And while you can outsource common parenting tasks (driving, cooking, cleaning, etc), you absolutely cannot outsource good parenting.

Even if you get very “good” kids in this situation, they may have difficult relationships with the parent. My friend was a pretty “good” kid but raised by the nanny (parents are an investment banking managing director and a biglaw partner). Very polite, very close to friends, very close to the nanny and grandparents, but difficult relationships with own parents.

My sister and brother in law both have big careers and their three kids are close with them. There are many more factors at play besides career that determine parental relationship with kids, including kids personalities, parents personalities, parenting styles, quality of time spent together, sibling dynamics etc.

You can’t possibly be this dumb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My experience is that terrible kids (of successful parents) often become successful adults. I was a terrible kid bad grades, bad attitude and in trouble all the time. In college I (the one I barely got into) I was pretty successful - once got out I killed it in the working world by the time I was 26 I was making double what my Dad was making at The time. By the time I was 30 I was a married dad of 3 with a huge house in Potomac. Now at 50 I have a net worth that would blow my parents’ minds if I told them. I have a fantastic life. I have lots of friends who have the same story. In my opinion being a good kid means conforming to what others want from you but being a successful adult means going after what you want.

So you were going after what you want as a kid and that’s what got you into trouble? What do you think flicked the switch for you in college where you turned your grades around? Was it just that you didn’t need to do math or whatever anymore as a lawyer so you realized that you could finally do well and just ran with it? Or you did something entrepreneurial and didn’t need good grades? Do you see what others would call “ADHD” in yourself or your friends?

I don’t think I was going after what I wanted when I was a kid (in all honesty I wasn’t after anything except a bit of fun) I also don’t think a “switch was flipped in college.” My take is that when I was a kid I was asked to and judged my ability conform to standards that weren’t of my choosing and I wasn’t good at that. But when I got to choose my path I was enthusiastic about what needed to be done. This also conforms to my observation that many valedictorians turn out to be sort of duds. You get to be valedictorian because you checked the boxes better than anybody else in your class when you get out of the real world it’s not about checking boxes. It’s about providing value.

[Anonymous]

Regression to the mean, and advanced parental age.

The benefits of having means and resources that come with advanced age don't always outweigh the genetic downsides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually the parents spend more time on their careers than with the children.

this right here. marching around the office, pretending to be a big shot while the family life and kids are left behind.

The Royal Family comes to mind.

Same with the Trumps and Bidens. Parents on some fundamental level should be accountable for how their children turn out. The Clintons, Obamas, and Bushs seemed to do well - they had all girls, maybe just a coincidence. Hunter and Douche Jr. are male obviously.

Far be it from me to extend grade to either of them, but both had significant adverse childhood events. Hunter obviously lost his mom and sister. Trump Jr. dealt with divorce as the result of infidelity, along with witnessing his father's creepy obsession with Ivanka.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting well is difficult and exhausting. It’s impossible to do it while pushing very hard in your career. People can get away with it if it’s only one parent who has a big career, or if they end up lucky with very easy to parent kids. But otherwise not.

Agree. And while you can outsource common parenting tasks (driving, cooking, cleaning, etc), you absolutely cannot outsource good parenting.

Even if you get very “good” kids in this situation, they may have difficult relationships with the parent. My friend was a pretty “good” kid but raised by the nanny (parents are an investment banking managing director and a biglaw partner). Very polite, very close to friends, very close to the nanny and grandparents, but difficult relationships with own parents.

My sister and brother in law both have big careers and their three kids are close with them. There are many more factors at play besides career that determine parental relationship with kids, including kids personalities, parents personalities, parenting styles, quality of time spent together, sibling dynamics etc.

You can’t possibly be this dumb

Growing up my mom worked very part time and my dad had a big career. I was, and still am, close with both of them. Of course a kid can be close with a parent who has a big career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

Oh come on. Hard to believe this is not a huge exaggeration. How old are their kids?

Fighting, screaming, whining, hitting, complaining, being disrespectful 75% of the time. The parents just tune out. It is like they just accepted this poor behavior and don’t know what to do with the children.

I’m surprised how such competent people can be such horrible parents.

Sounds awful. If this was a vacation, it is possible the behavior was worse than usual.

That said, none of that behavior correlates with their future success. Plenty of bratty kids grow up and do very well for themselves. Plenty of lovely well behaved children do not.

Yup. Just think of work OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich and successful parents have the ability to put a lot of scaffolding around their mediocre and lower to middle intellect children to ensure that they are at least somewhat successful.

If born to poor parents in Appalachia or Compton these kids would be flipping burgers. But born to prominent or even UMC parents in SF, DC, NYC, Boston, they are shepherded through primary and secondary education with tutors, counselors, accommodations for “learning disabilities”, and coaches. They then secure comfortable if not prestigious careers due to their parent’s social and professional networks. I see it all of the time.

And now they can’t even aim to be the President of the USA!

[Anonymous]

I think there is this sense that kids don’t get to mess up anymore. For those of you with stories of being or knowing people who were a mess as kids and then redeemed themselves. Yes it still happens but I think kids and parents feel like there is no room for error. You don’t get to horse around and end up in a top school anymore. Not even your state flagship. But yes, if you come from wealth, there is probably less pressure to get it right the first go around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is this sense that kids don’t get to mess up anymore. For those of you with stories of being or knowing people who were a mess as kids and then redeemed themselves. Yes it still happens but I think kids and parents feel like there is no room for error. You don’t get to horse around and end up in a top school anymore. Not even your state flagship. But yes, if you come from wealth, there is probably less pressure to get it right the first go around.

The funny thing about this is that in my prestigious neighborhood very few of the adults went to elite colleges. All of them are making 500k+ a year. How much better do you want to do