Impressive parents with below average kids

[Anonymous]

Regression to the mean is possible.

Also, some of my kids appeared to be a real mess at age 8 or even 14 but were absolutely killing it academically and socially by age 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

Oh come on. Hard to believe this is not a huge exaggeration. How old are their kids?

Fighting, screaming, whining, hitting, complaining, being disrespectful 75% of the time. The parents just tune out. It is like they just accepted this poor behavior and don’t know what to do with the children.

I’m surprised how such competent people can be such horrible parents.

I'm top of my career with kids that excel and one of the things I do is when I see this behavior publicly (and I do all the time), I look directly at my kid and thank them for their kindness and respect. I also tell them often that I'm proud of all the effort they put into their school/sports/music - they make parenting easy for me. Then again, I was given easy kids to begin with - the kind of kids that slept through the night from 4weeks, potty trained themselves, and learned to read on their own. I don't really think it's all parenting, some of it is dumb luck.

[Anonymous]

I fit this category and my kids are very polite, well-behaved and have a good head on their shoulders. Unfortunately, we did not win the genetic lottery so they are below average (for this area!) in academic achievement. In life, they will be fine but I would guess parents think we did something wrong or are not pushing our kids. Fact is we work like hell to help them but no amount of tutoring and support can overcome LDs and ADHD. I guess the message is, don't judge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The initial post talks about intelligence a lot, but then the follow up talks about behavior.

Those 2 things have little to do with one another.

+1, and also this whole thread is really about one interaction with one family, from which OP is making all kinds of leaps. Just say "I am disappointed my nice friends have bratty kids."

I have known the family for a decade. It is not one interaction. Our kids go to the same school.

I was appalled at their poor behavior. However, they are also low performers at school. They quit all their sports. They hate their instruments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually the parents spend more time on their careers than with the children.

this right here. marching around the office, pretending to be a big shot while the family life and kids are left behind.

The Royal Family comes to mind.

Same with the Trumps and Bidens. Parents on some fundamental level should be accountable for how their children turn out. The Clintons, Obamas, and Bushs seemed to do well - they had all girls, maybe just a coincidence. Hunter and Douche Jr. are male obviously.

[Anonymous]

Winston Churchill's kids were mostly duds. Same with the Vanderbilts. Many descendents of high profile people lose the genetic lottery. Bad parenting can be detrimental too.

[Anonymous]

Because parents are not their kids and vice versa. Each child is their own being. Parents don't get too much credit nor blame for how children turn out, generally. Majority of "good behavior" is luck or perception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The initial post talks about intelligence a lot, but then the follow up talks about behavior.

Those 2 things have little to do with one another.

+1, and also this whole thread is really about one interaction with one family, from which OP is making all kinds of leaps. Just say "I am disappointed my nice friends have bratty kids."

I have known the family for a decade. It is not one interaction. Our kids go to the same school.

I was appalled at their poor behavior. However, they are also low performers at school. They quit all their sports. They hate their instruments.

Assuming this is elementary…How do you know who is a “low performer” at school? And based upon what criteria exactly? A lot of kids don’t enjoy organized sports or just try out different rec sports at this age (and perhaps don’t return the next season). A lot of kids think practicing instrument is a drag and only do it because their parents make them (raising my own hand on this one…ended up playing in the HS band and enjoying it very much).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The initial post talks about intelligence a lot, but then the follow up talks about behavior.

Those 2 things have little to do with one another.

+1, and also this whole thread is really about one interaction with one family, from which OP is making all kinds of leaps. Just say "I am disappointed my nice friends have bratty kids."

I have known the family for a decade. It is not one interaction. Our kids go to the same school.

I was appalled at their poor behavior. However, they are also low performers at school. They quit all their sports. They hate their instruments.

Assuming this is elementary…How do you know who is a “low performer” at school? And based upon what criteria exactly? A lot of kids don’t enjoy organized sports or just try out different rec sports at this age (and perhaps don’t return the next season). A lot of kids think practicing instrument is a drag and only do it because their parents make them (raising my own hand on this one…ended up playing in the HS band and enjoying it very much).

The kids are complete duds. I don’t know what to tell you. It is such a stark contrast so it seems even worse.

I’m fairly certain the dad does not like the kids and tries to work more to avoid them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Winston Churchill's kids were mostly duds. Same with the Vanderbilts. Many descendents of high profile people lose the genetic lottery. Bad parenting can be detrimental too.

I have two amazing female friends who married duds from these types of families. It sounds truly awful to be married to this type of man and then have to deal with their families. Unfortunately, their kids are also duds.

[Anonymous]

1) Look up something called "regression towards the mean," OP.
2) Very successful people often don't have that much time to parent (although they can often hire very good nannies).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

Oh come on. Hard to believe this is not a huge exaggeration. How old are their kids?

Fighting, screaming, whining, hitting, complaining, being disrespectful 75% of the time. The parents just tune out. It is like they just accepted this poor behavior and don’t know what to do with the children.

I’m surprised how such competent people can be such horrible parents.

My DD went to daycare at a hospital daycare center and the most aggressive kids in that place had two surgeon parents. I remember one parent describing the surgeons' kid's 5th birthday as a terrifying WWE-like experience involving bodyslammig at the trampoline park. I didn't think of it at the time but it may have been their jobs? There were a lot of high profile career people there and the kids were great by and large so not sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

What if the problem is mental illness? For example, an anxious controlling parent can unintentionally steer a child in the wrong direction. The child might rebel against such a parent, and that rebellion might look like failing a class or more.

Your friends might appear fine to you and be completely different to their children.

[Anonymous]

Regression to the mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the kids have household chores like vacuuming, dusting, mopping? Did they ever learn to do yard work such as weeding and cutting grass? Do they change sheets and help make beds? Much is given to kids nowadays and they don’t realize what goes into common chores or functions. There’s no appreciation or gratitude because they are so far removed from any work.

No, their kids don’t do chores. I asked one of them to do something small and it caused a ton of drama. The kid never did it. In attempts to be anonymous, I will give a very simple type of example. “Could you please throw out your trash from the table?” It was something very basic I would ask my kids to do. I was not trying to discipline or be demanding but it turned out to be a big deal causing a lot of drama.

If the real example involved a dishwasher, I wouldn’t be so quick to judge. Our kids don’t load the dishwasher because it needs to be done a very specific way so the dishes end up clean. So they would be unable to do what you asked. They do other things though and certainly throw out their own trash.

busted