16 year old bf/gf - supervision

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Dc area has a lot of this type of permissive parenting - it isn’t the norm elsewhere.

This.
How do you know it's not the norm elsewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for the record, if you are planning to have a group discussion about sex rules with the parents of your kid's bf/gf and you are not already CLOSE friends with those parents, you are a raging weirdo.

Why is that? Is it any less important if you’re not already close? I would argue it’s more important.

I didn't mention importance. I was getting at observing social norms. Your poor children.

The social norm you’re promoting is teens having sex in back seats of cars and in public parks where tramps can watch them. Sorry, I’ll pass on that and have a friendly convo with my son’s partners parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But if my daughter was dating a guy and was over his house a lot and allowed in the bedroom, I would not be happy. I don't think boy moms should allow that. Door open or closed.

Should girl moms be the only parent deciding what’s allowed for the couple ? Tell your daughter your expectations regardless of other house rules and she can follow them or not. Weirdo.

Girl moms aren’t letting teen boys go in their bedroom. And of course you give expectations but if a family says sure no problem, you think that the teens are gonna say no. I mean come on. Boy moms aren’t letting teen always more laxed. It’s America

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for the record, if you are planning to have a group discussion about sex rules with the parents of your kid's bf/gf and you are not already CLOSE friends with those parents, you are a raging weirdo.

Why is that? Is it any less important if you’re not already close? I would argue it’s more important.

I didn't mention importance. I was getting at observing social norms. Your poor children.

The social norm you’re promoting is teens having sex in back seats of cars and in public parks where tramps can watch them. Sorry, I’ll pass on that and have a friendly convo with my son’s partners parents.

Newsflash - most teens have sex outside of a relationship. Talking to a another family about your kids sex life is weird AF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 17 yo has been good friends with both boys she has dated seriously. So it was harder to set extra boundaries once I figured out it had moved to a romantic relationship. She’s been in co Ed friend groups since 5th grade.

First time both parents had open door rules but they had sex anyway. now this second time - mid junior year and it was with a boy she’d been friends with since age 14 - I didn’t bother with all that. The second time and maturity difference is pretty big, this time.

I’d do your best to keep any boundaries you can (I’d let them have privacy in phone calls tho!! That suggestion is ridiculous) but don’t expect you can stop them either. Buy condoms for his bathroom “for him and his friends”

So you just let them bang now?

Isn't that weird to have going on while you're trying to watch tv?

Yeah that would be weird. My daughter is a very private person and I’ve never heard anything. My guess is she wouldn’t if we are home. They spend a lot of time at his house. He is the youngest, his mom is newly divorced and busy, and their house is bigger than ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Dc area has a lot of this type of permissive parenting - it isn’t the norm elsewhere.

This.
How do you know it's not the norm elsewhere?

It is not the norm in the Midwest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is a guest in our house and not somebody I need to monitor.

We have a large basement and a nice backyard. They can hang out there as much as they want without me monitoring them.

They’re not going upstairs cause it’s just not comfortable our bedrooms aren’t a big places to hang out.

I’ve spoken to my child about being loving and respectful and using condoms. My expectation is that her parents are doing the same.

If her parents have rules, they can call me and I can implement them, but that’s never happened with any of my children.

There is no alcohol that is accessible from me.

This. I’ll parent my child, you parent yours, if you have specific rules call me, and even better discuss it with your teen. I’m fine if they want to hang out in the bedroom and close the door, or have sex past 16. I won’t facilitate, but also I’m not going to police it either. Barging in unannounced in the basement or bedroom sounds silly.

Cue in the moral outrage.

Doesn’t sound like you parent

Seriously... it's one thing to decide you won't be the sex police, another thing to encourage it. They're kids!

Before you get worked up further I specifically said I won’t facilitate it. If you don’t know what it means look it up in the dictionary.

Do you provide them with condoms and lube?

If you don’t provide your teen with condoms you are living in a fool’s paradise. That is a much surer way to become a young grandparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are they getting from point A to B? That would be my concern. Also I’ve also heard that most co-Ed get together at friends houses are not parent-supervised and kids with very lax parents throw parties - with parent-supplied or allowed alcohol. And there is a lot of sex going on!

- source is my 16yo daughter, a goody-two-shoes who doesn’t have a boyfriend and doesn’t get invited to many parties because she tells her mom everything

That is my 16 yo daughter, also! Lots of sex, drinking, weed happening at Arlington homes for her peer group. It is a lot to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you spoken to your son about consent and condoms?

Our neighbors sat both their son and his gf down for this discussion, as well as "what if?" Her parents were fine with that.

Op, no to his bedroom. Check on them frequently if they are in the basement. Dh used to call down "Is everyone dressed?" as he went downstairs.

Why not have all four parents?

These "discussions" are simply theater to make parents feel better. If I were the teens in question, I would agree to everything the parents laid out, then do exactly what we wanted to do. Parents don't own their children's bodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 17 yo has been good friends with both boys she has dated seriously. So it was harder to set extra boundaries once I figured out it had moved to a romantic relationship. She’s been in co Ed friend groups since 5th grade.

First time both parents had open door rules but they had sex anyway. now this second time - mid junior year and it was with a boy she’d been friends with since age 14 - I didn’t bother with all that. The second time and maturity difference is pretty big, this time.

I’d do your best to keep any boundaries you can (I’d let them have privacy in phone calls tho!! That suggestion is ridiculous) but don’t expect you can stop them either. Buy condoms for his bathroom “for him and his friends”

I don’t understand this open door rule as if it’s going to prevent teens from having sex. It’s only meant for calming the nerves of anxious parents so they feel like they are parenting. The teens will easily find a way at another house, when you’re not at home etc.

Obviously there is no way to stop them. But you shouldn’t be making it easy for them either. Contra the poster above who wants to present them with a basket of condoms and lube—shudder—I don’t think it’s ideal to just let them bang away in the bedroom while everyone else is chilling in the sitting room. I think you kind of owe it to them to make them sneak around. It reduces risk by reducing the number of encounters they can have; it’s way more fun for them, too—instead of disappearing into some upstairs bedroom while people are downstairs watching Matlock or whatever, they have to furtively plan for those tiny windows of time where they can finally be alone together. So romantic—the longing, the planning, the fear of discovery—don’t deny them that experience. And please don’t convene the summit of parents to mutually decide what level of sexual activity will be condoned in each of your various houses. Let them sneak around the way nature intended.

How old ARE you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you spoken to your son about consent and condoms?

Our neighbors sat both their son and his gf down for this discussion, as well as "what if?" Her parents were fine with that.

Op, no to his bedroom. Check on them frequently if they are in the basement. Dh used to call down "Is everyone dressed?" as he went downstairs.

Why not have all four parents?

These "discussions" are simply theater to make parents feel better. If I were the teens in question, I would agree to everything the parents laid out, then do exactly what we wanted to do. Parents don't own their children's bodies.

Well, you give them a stake in the conversation. You agree to faciliate their love-making, in exchange for their agreeing to use condoms and lubes and do it in a safe place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for the record, if you are planning to have a group discussion about sex rules with the parents of your kid's bf/gf and you are not already CLOSE friends with those parents, you are a raging weirdo.

Why is that? Is it any less important if you’re not already close? I would argue it’s more important.

I didn't mention importance. I was getting at observing social norms. Your poor children.

The social norm you’re promoting is teens having sex in back seats of cars and in public parks where tramps can watch them. Sorry, I’ll pass on that and have a friendly convo with my son’s partners parents.

Newsflash - most teens have sex outside of a relationship. Talking to a another family about your kids sex life is weird AF

MOST? Truly, it sounds like you're saying things to make you feel better about your own kid's activities.

[Anonymous]

It’s not the norm in respectful families to allow their 16 year old sons to entertain their girlfriends in their bedroom whether door open or not. As a parent of daughters I’d have a major problem with this. Honestly, it wouldn’t even occur to me that it was happening. No reasonable parent would do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for the record, if you are planning to have a group discussion about sex rules with the parents of your kid's bf/gf and you are not already CLOSE friends with those parents, you are a raging weirdo.

Why is that? Is it any less important if you’re not already close? I would argue it’s more important.

I didn't mention importance. I was getting at observing social norms. Your poor children.

The social norm you’re promoting is teens having sex in back seats of cars and in public parks where tramps can watch them. Sorry, I’ll pass on that and have a friendly convo with my son’s partners parents.

Newsflash - most teens have sex outside of a relationship. Talking to a another family about your kids sex life is weird AF

Encouraging them to have sex in front of tramps is weird af.

Also, you’re talking to another family about THEIR kids sex life, not just yours. I don’t see the problem. It’s good communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are they getting from point A to B? That would be my concern. Also I’ve also heard that most co-Ed get together at friends houses are not parent-supervised and kids with very lax parents throw parties - with parent-supplied or allowed alcohol. And there is a lot of sex going on!

- source is my 16yo daughter, a goody-two-shoes who doesn’t have a boyfriend and doesn’t get invited to many parties because she tells her mom everything

I’m sure some kids have this experience but none that I know. I’ve been through this with three kids. Most parents don’t allow parties in their houses and those that do supervise. There is not parent supplied alcohol. I don’t know where your DD hangs out but her experience is not the norm.

Dc area has a lot of this type of permissive parenting - it isn’t the norm elsewhere.

Most girls I dated in HS had "no boys upstairs" policies and my parents had an open door policy—which was a pain because the whole house was on one floor. But they left us alone in the TV room.

That said, the two girls I did have sex with in HS both had parents who allowed closed doors. One even allowed closed, locked door! We took full advantage of it, getting completely undressed and spending HOURS up there. Her parents would call on her private line to let us know it was time to come down for dinner.