16 year old bf/gf - supervision

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our home, bedrooms (upstairs) are off limits. Main floor and basement (teen hang out space and future man-cave for my husband) are fine. If they are in the basement the door stays open, and, I usually make my way down there every once in a while.

The other rule is they are not permitted at our house or her house if no parent is home.

This. Also, make sure you have the talk and provide condoms.

Torn condoms lead to many unwanted pregnancies. This is why it’s crucial to also provide a quality lubricant compatible with latex condoms.

Why don't you go ahead and give the kids alcohol, drugs and porn videos as well? Then they would really think you're the cool mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are they getting from point A to B? That would be my concern. Also I’ve also heard that most co-Ed get together at friends houses are not parent-supervised and kids with very lax parents throw parties - with parent-supplied or allowed alcohol. And there is a lot of sex going on!

- source is my 16yo daughter, a goody-two-shoes who doesn’t have a boyfriend and doesn’t get invited to many parties because she tells her mom everything

I’m sure some kids have this experience but none that I know. I’ve been through this with three kids. Most parents don’t allow parties in their houses and those that do supervise. There is not parent supplied alcohol. I don’t know where your DD hangs out but her experience is not the norm.

Dc area has a lot of this type of permissive parenting - it isn’t the norm elsewhere.

I saw this much more in the midwest actually. Kids who came to college from the dmv seemed much less exposed to stuff like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for the record, if you are planning to have a group discussion about sex rules with the parents of your kid's bf/gf and you are not already CLOSE friends with those parents, you are a raging weirdo.

Completely agree.

I have sons. If one of their girlfriends' parents ever suggested that, I would find a way to let my boys know that she comes from a family of weirdos. And apples don't fall far from trees.

Why is it weird?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are they getting from point A to B? That would be my concern. Also I’ve also heard that most co-Ed get together at friends houses are not parent-supervised and kids with very lax parents throw parties - with parent-supplied or allowed alcohol. And there is a lot of sex going on!

- source is my 16yo daughter, a goody-two-shoes who doesn’t have a boyfriend and doesn’t get invited to many parties because she tells her mom everything

Sounds like she is insufferable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are they getting from point A to B? That would be my concern. Also I’ve also heard that most co-Ed get together at friends houses are not parent-supervised and kids with very lax parents throw parties - with parent-supplied or allowed alcohol. And there is a lot of sex going on!

- source is my 16yo daughter, a goody-two-shoes who doesn’t have a boyfriend and doesn’t get invited to many parties because she tells her mom everything

Sounds like she is insufferable

+1 - there's way more than just telling her mom everything

[Anonymous]

Juniors are going to go have sex anywhere. I would say no to bedrooms, let them have some time in the basement and also make sure they are still seeing friends separately as well as going out places together (it doesn't have to be expensive dates) and no just in their homes "hanging out"

Make sure it's healthy. Make sure they have protection. Most 16/17yr olds have sex. Not all, but a lot. Just like we all did as teenagers.

But if my daughter was dating a guy and was over his house a lot and allowed in the bedroom, I would not be happy. I don't think boy moms should allow that. Door open or closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much are your supervising your high school juniors who are dating? DS has a new girlfriend who has been spending a lot of time at our house. We’ve been letting them hang out in his room and our basement as long as the doors are left open - and I occasionally show up to make random conversation. It’s a weird line to walk. Just curious how others are handling this. Soon enough they’ll have licenses and a lot more freedom. We talk pretty openly about sex and relationships but this is a new thing to navigate.

The best thing you can do is model what a healthy relationship looks like. And have real world discussions about maturity, consent, pregnancy, stds, and so forth. But there is no stopping hormonal teenagers "in love." Think back to when you were 16/17. Backyard. Golf course. The Woods. Back of a car. You can patrol the basement all you want, but it's not stopping desire.

For a boy, I'd really stress consent and birth control. They're going to have sex. They don't need rose pedals. But they do need information delivered in a non-judgmental manner. We've all been there. Be safe. Be sober. Be good. And don't get anyone pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much are your supervising your high school juniors who are dating? DS has a new girlfriend who has been spending a lot of time at our house. We’ve been letting them hang out in his room and our basement as long as the doors are left open - and I occasionally show up to make random conversation. It’s a weird line to walk. Just curious how others are handling this. Soon enough they’ll have licenses and a lot more freedom. We talk pretty openly about sex and relationships but this is a new thing to navigate.

Ugh.
Grow up. They are 16 not 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But if my daughter was dating a guy and was over his house a lot and allowed in the bedroom, I would not be happy. I don't think boy moms should allow that. Door open or closed.

Should girl moms be the only parent deciding what’s allowed for the couple ? Tell your daughter your expectations regardless of other house rules and she can follow them or not. Weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Tell them to focus on their studies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them to focus on their studies.

Good one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But if my daughter was dating a guy and was over his house a lot and allowed in the bedroom, I would not be happy. I don't think boy moms should allow that. Door open or closed.

Should girl moms be the only parent deciding what’s allowed for the couple ? Tell your daughter your expectations regardless of other house rules and she can follow them or not. Weirdo.

Another vote for a both-sides-parent-Powwow with the kids! More communication = better love making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our home, bedrooms (upstairs) are off limits. Main floor and basement (teen hang out space and future man-cave for my husband) are fine. If they are in the basement the door stays open, and, I usually make my way down there every once in a while.

The other rule is they are not permitted at our house or her house if no parent is home.

This. Also, make sure you have the talk and provide condoms.

Torn condoms lead to many unwanted pregnancies. This is why it’s crucial to also provide a quality lubricant compatible with latex condoms.

Why don't you go ahead and give the kids alcohol, drugs and porn videos as well? Then they would really think you're the cool mom.

DP but they need to learn to get those things on their own. More fun for them that way also and makes it more valuable. Easy come items are not cherished as much, and don't make as good of memories.

But definitely teach them how not to abuse those things. Other than that, they are on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you spoken to your son about consent and condoms?

Our neighbors sat both their son and his gf down for this discussion, as well as "what if?" Her parents were fine with that.

Op, no to his bedroom. Check on them frequently if they are in the basement. Dh used to call down "Is everyone dressed?" as he went downstairs.

Why not have all four parents?

I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for the record, if you are planning to have a group discussion about sex rules with the parents of your kid's bf/gf and you are not already CLOSE friends with those parents, you are a raging weirdo.

Why is that? Is it any less important if you’re not already close? I would argue it’s more important.

I didn't mention importance. I was getting at observing social norms. Your poor children.