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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve noticed something in situations like this (and in dealing with the ever-changing moods and usually-unspoken needs of my own mom).

Many parents of adult children shared nothing whatsoever about their feelings and inner worlds with their small children while raising them - this is not necessarily bad, as people differ on this and many adults want to seem strong, solid etc while raising kids.

But then, when the relationship changes with adult children, the parents lack any templates for reciprocally expressing feelings in an adult way. It would be totally healthy and normal to say “It hurts my feelings sometimes when you don’t acknowledge holidays that are important to me since I am on my own - in the future can we have a call or text that day?” Or “I really appreciated that you came over to visit on Easter and it made me happy, thanks” etc. OR even just initiating the Easter text yourself, inviting the adult over and folding them into a new holiday routine, etc.

Your adult children cannot guess your feelings if you don’t find a calm, adult way to directly express them. It is part of an ongoing process of navigating the new adult relationship. And I do think it’s totally ok to be vulnerable and express when your feelings have been hurt, too.[/quote]

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