Estranged sibling sends birthday cards to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep adult issues between adults. Keep kids out of it. What are you thinking OP??

This. Presumably she doesn’t hold the beef between you against your kids and has some discernment, which you seem to lack.

[Anonymous]

We're estranged from my husband's sister and her husband because of something they did but we continue to send their kids presents because they didn't do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids aren’t you.

The job of a parent is to protect their children. If someone doesn't want you around their children, whether or not you agree, you should respect that. If you know there is real abuse then you report it. Unless these children are home-schooled, the school system will report any signs as well. If you think their lives will be filled with longing without you, just know in the age of phones and social media, it will be easy for them to find you later on if they truly want you in their lives. Sending gifts when you have been cut off is just creepy and makes the kids uncomfortable. Keep your stuff and let the ball be in their court. Respect the boundaries.

This. Fantasizing that your nieces and nephews really need you in their lives is creepy and highly suspect. Worse, you’re putting the kids right in the middle of your own sh!t. Just stop it.

100% Giving minors unwanted attention through cards/gifts/texts when the parents have severed ties with you can be predatorial. This idea "but they neeeed me and looooove me" is gross. Presumably the parents made this decision to protect the entire family. If you send these things and are asked to stop or get no feedback then stop. Would you keep sending gifts/cards/texts to your neighbor's kid or your coworkers kid if you had no contact and/or were asked to stop? I hope not, because it's grooming behavior. Why do people think this is OK when it's family? Not all aunts/uncles are safe people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nieces and nephews should not be caught in the cross fire. I think it’s sweet of your sibling to be in touch with your kids.

Let's say you have friends you socialize with together with your kids. Over time you realize that friend doesn't respect boundaries and causes chaos. She is repeatedly trying to suck you into her dramas and she doesn't seem to have much accountability. You suggest she talk to a therapist because you cannot take anymore of this, but you think a professional would be helpful. You normalize it by saying it has helped you. She refuses and just wants to emotionally dump on you. You set more limits and she ignores them. You decline get togethers and she guilt trips and tries to manipulate you rather than accepting "no" You are emotionally exhausted dealing with her and you finally distance. You explain why. Then, she sends your kids gifts and cards. Do you find that sweet?