Estranged sibling sends birthday cards to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Why would a sibling who made the choice to be estranged from another sibling keep sending birthday and holiday cards to their nieces and nephew every year? I can’t make sense of what is going through their mind. If they hate their sibling so much and never want contact again, why keep mailing cards to nieces/nephew who they haven’t seen since they were a baby/toddler/preschooler? This is also an adult sibling who is in their 40s and his barely held a job as an adult so has very little money and lived with elderly dad. So the $100 sent to each kid is probably significant money to them. Just trying to make sense of this family situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would a sibling who made the choice to be estranged from another sibling keep sending birthday and holiday cards to their nieces and nephew every year? I can’t make sense of what is going through their mind. If they hate their sibling so much and never want contact again, why keep mailing cards to nieces/nephew who they haven’t seen since they were a baby/toddler/preschooler? This is also an adult sibling who is in their 40s and his barely held a job as an adult so has very little money and lived with elderly dad. So the $100 sent to each kid is probably significant money to them. Just trying to make sense of this family situation.

He/she are estranged from you, not your kids. Nice of you to throw shade on him/her, though.

[Anonymous]

I can't stand my sister (though we're not estranged) but I have a great deal of affection for her kids. It's not their fault who their mother is.

If we ever do become estranged and she sent things to my kids, first of all, I would be shocked, but my general reaction would be that as long as she's not doing anything objectionable, like weirdly manipulative stuff or shit talking about me, it's fine... they can have their own relationship with her, and if she's a nice, loving sweet aunt to them (again, that would be the surprising thing), I'm fine with it.

When my kids are adult, I would really not interfere, it's not my job to tell them who to have relationships with.

[Anonymous]

My Aunt cut us all of when she decided to stop speaking to my mother. No gifts, cards, phone calls etc. She was nuts so it’s not like we missed much when it came to her but she cut us off from our cousins which was tough. Do you give your kids the cards/money? Maybe your sibling is hoping your kids will want to reunite with your sibling when they are adults.

[Anonymous]

It’s because they want to still be in the siblings life, one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a sibling who made the choice to be estranged from another sibling keep sending birthday and holiday cards to their nieces and nephew every year? I can’t make sense of what is going through their mind. If they hate their sibling so much and never want contact again, why keep mailing cards to nieces/nephew who they haven’t seen since they were a baby/toddler/preschooler? This is also an adult sibling who is in their 40s and his barely held a job as an adult so has very little money and lived with elderly dad. So the $100 sent to each kid is probably significant money to them. Just trying to make sense of this family situation.

He/she are estranged from you, not your kids. Nice of you to throw shade on him/her, though.

This is actually not my sibling. It’s a situation with my sister in law and her sibling.

I get her sibling isn’t estranged from her kids, but I don’t get sending gifts to nieces/nephew that don’t even know who you are since the estrangement happened when they were 4 and under.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a sibling who made the choice to be estranged from another sibling keep sending birthday and holiday cards to their nieces and nephew every year? I can’t make sense of what is going through their mind. If they hate their sibling so much and never want contact again, why keep mailing cards to nieces/nephew who they haven’t seen since they were a baby/toddler/preschooler? This is also an adult sibling who is in their 40s and his barely held a job as an adult so has very little money and lived with elderly dad. So the $100 sent to each kid is probably significant money to them. Just trying to make sense of this family situation.

He/she are estranged from you, not your kids. Nice of you to throw shade on him/her, though.

This is actually not my sibling. It’s a situation with my sister in law and her sibling.

I get her sibling isn’t estranged from her kids, but I don’t get sending gifts to nieces/nephew that don’t even know who you are since the estrangement happened when they were 4 and under.

It was explained pretty well above.

[Anonymous]

That’s very kind of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s very kind of her.

Is it though? The sibling cuts of their sister with a nasty letter accusing them of all this stuff as little kids, and refuses to even talk about it despite the sister asking. Then sends the sisters kids cards every year. It doesn’t feel kind to me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s very kind of her.

But it's also very passive aggressive. She doesn't even know these children. It's money so I guess just don't make a big deal of it and save it for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s very kind of her.

Is it though? The sibling cuts of their sister with a nasty letter accusing them of all this stuff as little kids, and refuses to even talk about it despite the sister asking. Then sends the sisters kids cards every year. It doesn’t feel kind to me at all.

are the cards filled with angry screeds about their mother, or are they nice notes? just because the OP is a terrible person doesn't mean the sibling has to abandon her children.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s manipulative.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how the kids feel about it. It would feel weird to get cards from a stranger who disrespected your mother - and invasive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how the kids feel about it. It would feel weird to get cards from a stranger who disrespected your mother - and invasive

A) it's $100 in the mail, they're probably thrilled.

B) who says it's a stranger. it's entirely possible this is a beloved aunt that the unhinged OP has tried to banish.

[Anonymous]

Keep adult issues between adults. Keep kids out of it. What are you thinking OP??