Estranged sibling sends birthday cards to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Your sibling is telling your children that they are not part of this sibling fight.

Unless you know for a fact that this sibling of yours is an unfeeling psychopath who just wants to manipulate your children... it is actually a kind gesture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep adult issues between adults. Keep kids out of it. What are you thinking OP??

They are keeping their kids from their beloved aunt -- OP is not thinking, she's weird and mean.

[Anonymous]

I am estranged from my sister. A card with or without money to my child would be unwelcome and returned to sender. My teenager has unfortunately been witness to some outbursts from my former sibling and would be also weirded out by the attempt at contact.

It’s an attempt to keep the line (no matter how thin) of connection/communication open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep adult issues between adults. Keep kids out of it. What are you thinking OP??

They are keeping their kids from their beloved aunt -- OP is not thinking, she's weird and mean.

Not true at all. This sibling is the one that sent a letter to their sister saying they wish to never be contacted again and was not willing to talk through anything. Sister asked to talk thinks through and get clear examples, but sibling just said the past is clear to them and ceased all communication with their sister. Only communication that comes is birthday/holiday cards to nieces/nephews with $100 and just the name of sibling signed. No other message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s manipulative.

It's a gift from a relative. You're putting too much thought into this, and not appreciating that someone took the time to send your kids money. Go outside and take a walk or something while we play the world's smallest violin for your difficulty in understanding why someone chose to be generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep adult issues between adults. Keep kids out of it. What are you thinking OP??

They are keeping their kids from their beloved aunt -- OP is not thinking, she's weird and mean.

Not true at all. This sibling is the one that sent a letter to their sister saying they wish to never be contacted again and was not willing to talk through anything. Sister asked to talk thinks through and get clear examples, but sibling just said the past is clear to them and ceased all communication with their sister. Only communication that comes is birthday/holiday cards to nieces/nephews with $100 and just the name of sibling signed. No other message.

Op says none of that. Think she might be the problem here.

[Anonymous]

If its a check, I don't cash it.

[Anonymous]

Two reasons: (1) the sibling still wants to have a relationship with the niece/nephew or at least them them know the sibling is thinking about them; or (2) to be able to make themselves look better to other family members. "Look what a nice and generous person I am! I send gifts even though my sibling won't speak to me!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am estranged from my sister. A card with or without money to my child would be unwelcome and returned to sender. My teenager has unfortunately been witness to some outbursts from my former sibling and would be also weirded out by the attempt at contact.

It’s an attempt to keep the line (no matter how thin) of connection/communication open.

Agree. I have a sister who wrote to tell me she wanted nothing to do with me, but continued to send things to my kids. I realized from her letter that she was a bully and completely untrustworthy, so did not want her in a position to treat my kids the way she had treated me.

I wrote “Return to Sender” on everything she sent. She eventually got the idea and stopped sending things. I was not going to let her use money and gifts to manipulate my children, which I knew was her goal from talking to other relatives.

[Anonymous]

My estranged brother is doing this. I think it's manipulative, but my DC is smart enough that she'll be able to see it for herself if it crosses a line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a sibling who made the choice to be estranged from another sibling keep sending birthday and holiday cards to their nieces and nephew every year? I can’t make sense of what is going through their mind. If they hate their sibling so much and never want contact again, why keep mailing cards to nieces/nephew who they haven’t seen since they were a baby/toddler/preschooler? This is also an adult sibling who is in their 40s and his barely held a job as an adult so has very little money and lived with elderly dad. So the $100 sent to each kid is probably significant money to them. Just trying to make sense of this family situation.

He/she are estranged from you, not your kids. Nice of you to throw shade on him/her, though.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am estranged from my sister. A card with or without money to my child would be unwelcome and returned to sender. My teenager has unfortunately been witness to some outbursts from my former sibling and would be also weirded out by the attempt at contact.

It’s an attempt to keep the line (no matter how thin) of connection/communication open.

Agree. I have a sister who wrote to tell me she wanted nothing to do with me, but continued to send things to my kids. I realized from her letter that she was a bully and completely untrustworthy, so did not want her in a position to treat my kids the way she had treated me.

I wrote “Return to Sender” on everything she sent. She eventually got the idea and stopped sending things. I was not going to let her use money and gifts to manipulate my children, which I knew was her goal from talking to other relatives.

So you prevented your kids from having a relationship because you don’t want one? That’s manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a sibling who made the choice to be estranged from another sibling keep sending birthday and holiday cards to their nieces and nephew every year? I can’t make sense of what is going through their mind. If they hate their sibling so much and never want contact again, why keep mailing cards to nieces/nephew who they haven’t seen since they were a baby/toddler/preschooler? This is also an adult sibling who is in their 40s and his barely held a job as an adult so has very little money and lived with elderly dad. So the $100 sent to each kid is probably significant money to them. Just trying to make sense of this family situation.

He/she are estranged from you, not your kids. Nice of you to throw shade on him/her, though.

This is actually not my sibling. It’s a situation with my sister in law and her sibling.

I get her sibling isn’t estranged from her kids, but I don’t get sending gifts to nieces/nephew that don’t even know who you are since the estrangement happened when they were 4 and under.

Then why did you title the thread "Estranged sibling sends birthday cards to my kids" -- and why do you care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s manipulative.

I agree. What is the goal of the estranged aunt? Does she somehow imagine that sending cards/money to these kids will someday make them want to have a relationship with her when they get older? Does she have visions of the kids visiting her, sitting around and maybe listening to her bash their own mother?

That is not normal thinking. Who wants to get in between a mother and her children? A manipulative person, that's who.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s very kind of her.

Is it though? The sibling cuts of their sister with a nasty letter accusing them of all this stuff as little kids, and refuses to even talk about it despite the sister asking. Then sends the sisters kids cards every year. It doesn’t feel kind to me at all.

I don't think it's kind. If you chose to be estranged from someone leave the kids alone. It's playing games and it will make them uncomfortable.