SAHM friend divorcing against her will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

+1. plus unless the child has SN, there is really no reason a woman with a college education does not work at all if she does not have her own money. I can see a situation where the H makes tons of money and is busy and the kid has lots of activities and both parents make the decision to have the mother stay home to keep the home front working and organized while the H is busy at work. but the joint decision must be reflected in protections for the wife (i.e. significant life insurance if H dies, savings and assets that are also in her name and so on). when somebody tells you even before the marriage that what he has is his and that he does not intend to pay alimony if he leaves you, you better believe him and either move on, or get and keep a good job for yourself. OP's friend will need a very good health insurance being a cancer survivor.

Np. What is wrong with you people???

I completely agree with PP. That's how mature adults think and prepare.

So her ex should live large while taxpayers support the woman who raised his children...

You and the PP with whom you are agreeing are not mature.

How in the world did you get THAT from what we said?

What did you think you were saying? Whether she should take responsibility or not is irrelevant at this point. She should get alimony and child support. That is all that matters at this point.

And she most certainly will get child support. Alimony will be an uphil road. And no taxpayers are not going to pay for the care of a wealthy man. That’s ludicrous. We all make choices. She didn’t plan properly. Still not sure how you got from A to B but I don’t care enough to argue with you.

Women, remember this when you have conservatives pressuring you to be SAHMs.

I would try to find a lawyer to help your friend OP. Being sick and being a SAHM all those years means that her dh is dumping her at the worst possible time for her, after he has sucked her dry.

[Anonymous]

She needs to start looking for a job. Teaching might be a good start. She will need to downsize to a town house or apartment. He will likely argue that paying for dd’s private school is his child support. She needs to strategize with a financial planner what her priority is. She needs to get rid of the house she can’t afford, see if she can get a significant portion of his retirement fund in light of his impending inheritance, and lock in that he will pay for dd’s college. Think long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the main reasons I would never be a SAHM.

Mama always said a man is not a plan.

That’s great advice for a woman about to get married. It’s irrelevant for OP’s friend at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

Not entirely true - depends on the state. Here in Va, the standard is alimony for half of the length of the marriage and anything over 20 years your looking at potential lifetime alimony (assuming there’s a discrepancy in incomes - which there is in OPs friends case).

Even so, most women still don't get alimony. Often men don't make enough to support two households. Married 10 years, fed attorney husband, I worked and no alimony.

I know lots of people that are getting alimony bc of a discrepancy in pay. A teacher married to an attorney, for example, will be granted alimony. The length of time is based on the length of the marriage as a Pp pointed out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

Probably not. He most likely has life insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

+1. She should 100% go with an attorney that will advocate for her. She needs to start from her strongest position and then negotiate from there.

That doesn't mean she will never have to get a job, but she doesn't want this divorce and shouldn't roll over on everything, which women seem to do more often than they should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

+1. plus unless the child has SN, there is really no reason a woman with a college education does not work at all if she does not have her own money. I can see a situation where the H makes tons of money and is busy and the kid has lots of activities and both parents make the decision to have the mother stay home to keep the home front working and organized while the H is busy at work. but the joint decision must be reflected in protections for the wife (i.e. significant life insurance if H dies, savings and assets that are also in her name and so on). when somebody tells you even before the marriage that what he has is his and that he does not intend to pay alimony if he leaves you, you better believe him and either move on, or get and keep a good job for yourself. OP's friend will need a very good health insurance being a cancer survivor.

Np. What is wrong with you people???

I completely agree with PP. That's how mature adults think and prepare.

So her ex should live large while taxpayers support the woman who raised his children...

You and the PP with whom you are agreeing are not mature.

How in the world did you get THAT from what we said?

What did you think you were saying? Whether she should take responsibility or not is irrelevant at this point. She should get alimony and child support. That is all that matters at this point.

And she most certainly will get child support. Alimony will be an uphil road. And no taxpayers are not going to pay for the care of a wealthy man. That’s ludicrous. We all make choices. She didn’t plan properly. Still not sure how you got from A to B but I don’t care enough to argue with you.

Let me break it down for you: A 47 year old woman who has not worked in at least 18 years is probably not going to earn enough money in her lifetime to be self sufficient in her elderly years.

If her idiot ex does not contribute financially by paying alimony, then you and I most likely will support her.

Seriously.

I don't know what ya'll think the purpose of things like alimony and child support are - it's not to make the ex-spouse rich, it's to make the ex-spouse fulfill their financial responsibility so that society (i.e. - all of us) don't have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

Not entirely true - depends on the state. Here in Va, the standard is alimony for half of the length of the marriage and anything over 20 years your looking at potential lifetime alimony (assuming there’s a discrepancy in incomes - which there is in OPs friends case).

Even so, most women still don't get alimony. Often men don't make enough to support two households. Married 10 years, fed attorney husband, I worked and no alimony.

I know lots of people that are getting alimony bc of a discrepancy in pay. A teacher married to an attorney, for example, will be granted alimony. The length of time is based on the length of the marriage as a Pp pointed out.

Friend served his cheating wife after youngest turned 18. She never worked, 50. She gets no child support, obviously. She gets very limited alimony with a time limit. Did not get the McMansion - is in a rental apartment and struggling to find real work. Trying to get more of his retirement but he changed jobs a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

Stupid question...but assuming the XH is going to drag this divorce out for years and this woman has no money...what attorney agrees to work for free during what could be a multi-year period and get compensated at the end?

Very common to get legal fees paid by the moneyed party in a divorce like this

If the XH is a huge dick…why would he pay the legal fees for the wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

It doesn’t matter if her story is compelling. The question here isn’t what she did after the marriage and how her life looks now. It’s whether at the time of execution the prenup was valid.

Also, she married 18 years ago and has a 10 year old. She didn’t not work to take care of the kid. She just didn’t work.

Honestly I am shaking my head at the bed she made for herself. Hopefully their post marriage financial accumulations are significant so that she can find a way to support herself in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

Not entirely true - depends on the state. Here in Va, the standard is alimony for half of the length of the marriage and anything over 20 years your looking at potential lifetime alimony (assuming there’s a discrepancy in incomes - which there is in OPs friends case).

Even so, most women still don't get alimony. Often men don't make enough to support two households. Married 10 years, fed attorney husband, I worked and no alimony.

I know lots of people that are getting alimony bc of a discrepancy in pay. A teacher married to an attorney, for example, will be granted alimony. The length of time is based on the length of the marriage as a Pp pointed out.

Friend served his cheating wife after youngest turned 18. She never worked, 50. She gets no child support, obviously. She gets very limited alimony with a time limit. Did not get the McMansion - is in a rental apartment and struggling to find real work. Trying to get more of his retirement but he changed jobs a lot.

She is responsible for her own poor choices.

[Anonymous]

Wow, this thread is insane.

His money is her money too.

That is how marriage works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

Not entirely true - depends on the state. Here in Va, the standard is alimony for half of the length of the marriage and anything over 20 years your looking at potential lifetime alimony (assuming there’s a discrepancy in incomes - which there is in OPs friends case).

Even so, most women still don't get alimony. Often men don't make enough to support two households. Married 10 years, fed attorney husband, I worked and no alimony.

I know lots of people that are getting alimony bc of a discrepancy in pay. A teacher married to an attorney, for example, will be granted alimony. The length of time is based on the length of the marriage as a Pp pointed out.

Friend served his cheating wife after youngest turned 18. She never worked, 50. She gets no child support, obviously. She gets very limited alimony with a time limit. Did not get the McMansion - is in a rental apartment and struggling to find real work. Trying to get more of his retirement but he changed jobs a lot.

She is responsible for her own poor choices.

Totally agree. She sounds like a slutty idiot.

[Anonymous]

She should get the most aggressive attorney she can—the facts are good for her. Even if the prenup survives, you say it only covered existing assets and alimony. She should get half the marital assets, half of his retirement, child support, college for the kid, the marital home, and her attorneys fees.

[Anonymous]

And to the idiot who faulted her for raising the child—and suggested that was not work—you are wrong.