SAHM friend divorcing against her will

[Anonymous]

My 47 year old friend was served with divorce papers by her husband of 18 years. She had a double mastectomy and breast cancer last year (in remission now). Such a cliche…

He had her sign a prenup 3 days before the wedding waiving alimony and access to existing (at the time) assets. They have a 10 year old daughter. They just finished building a very expensive house and her daughter is in an expensive private. She has a college degree that she got somewhat late in life at 32 (15 years ago) and never used.

She had one attorney tell her that she can get the prenup thrown out.

Another told her she won’t get alimony and she’ll be responsible for her daughter’s expenses.

So she is getting a lot of conflicting information.

My question is: Is it unwise to choose an attorney that over promises? Can that drag out the divorce and make it more expensive? If you’ve gone through this, how would you advise her?

[Anonymous]

Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

That's harsh. I wouldn't marry someone who insisted on a prenup, but I can totally see how she was pressed-ganged into it and then persuaded herself that it was not an indication of planned malfeasance. Poor woman.

[Anonymous]

I would ask the circumstances of the prenup - was she presented it late at night, when drunk, did she take it to a lawyer of her choosing, etc?

Why would she sign a prenup that says she'd get zero alimony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

That's harsh. I wouldn't marry someone who insisted on a prenup, but I can totally see how she was pressed-ganged into it and then persuaded herself that it was not an indication of planned malfeasance. Poor woman.

NP here. She wasn't young/naïve, have a kid with, or entangled with this guy in those complicated ways. This seems like the easier (yes, I know it's hard in general) scenario to say, 'eh, I'm not comfortable with this, so I'm not going to sign.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

+1. plus unless the child has SN, there is really no reason a woman with a college education does not work at all if she does not have her own money. I can see a situation where the H makes tons of money and is busy and the kid has lots of activities and both parents make the decision to have the mother stay home to keep the home front working and organized while the H is busy at work. but the joint decision must be reflected in protections for the wife (i.e. significant life insurance if H dies, savings and assets that are also in her name and so on). when somebody tells you even before the marriage that what he has is his and that he does not intend to pay alimony if he leaves you, you better believe him and either move on, or get and keep a good job for yourself. OP's friend will need a very good health insurance being a cancer survivor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 47 year old friend was served with divorce papers by her husband of 18 years. She had a double mastectomy and breast cancer last year (in remission now). Such a cliche…

He had her sign a prenup 3 days before the wedding waiving alimony and access to existing (at the time) assets. They have a 10 year old daughter. They just finished building a very expensive house and her daughter is in an expensive private. She has a college degree that she got somewhat late in life at 32 (15 years ago) and never used.

She had one attorney tell her that she can get the prenup thrown out.

Another told her she won’t get alimony and she’ll be responsible for her daughter’s expenses.

So she is getting a lot of conflicting information.

My question is: Is it unwise to choose an attorney that over promises? Can that drag out the divorce and make it more expensive? If you’ve gone through this, how would you advise her?

I’d go with the atty who will advocate for her position. She should get legal fees too since she doesn’t have income.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the main reasons I would never be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

+1. plus unless the child has SN, there is really no reason a woman with a college education does not work at all if she does not have her own money. I can see a situation where the H makes tons of money and is busy and the kid has lots of activities and both parents make the decision to have the mother stay home to keep the home front working and organized while the H is busy at work. but the joint decision must be reflected in protections for the wife (i.e. significant life insurance if H dies, savings and assets that are also in her name and so on). when somebody tells you even before the marriage that what he has is his and that he does not intend to pay alimony if he leaves you, you better believe him and either move on, or get and keep a good job for yourself. OP's friend will need a very good health insurance being a cancer survivor.

Np. What is wrong with you people???

[Anonymous]

Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

Agree. And she should go with someone who will move for pendente lite support asap, plus legal fees. And she should meet at least one more attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

+1. plus unless the child has SN, there is really no reason a woman with a college education does not work at all if she does not have her own money. I can see a situation where the H makes tons of money and is busy and the kid has lots of activities and both parents make the decision to have the mother stay home to keep the home front working and organized while the H is busy at work. but the joint decision must be reflected in protections for the wife (i.e. significant life insurance if H dies, savings and assets that are also in her name and so on). when somebody tells you even before the marriage that what he has is his and that he does not intend to pay alimony if he leaves you, you better believe him and either move on, or get and keep a good job for yourself. OP's friend will need a very good health insurance being a cancer survivor.

Np. What is wrong with you people???

I completely agree with PP. That's how mature adults think and prepare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the main reasons I would never be a SAHM.

Mama always said a man is not a plan.