SAHM friend divorcing against her will

[Anonymous]

She needs to find a real bulldog attorney. They will be able to tell her the correct next steps.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

Not entirely true - depends on the state. Here in Va, the standard is alimony for half of the length of the marriage and anything over 20 years your looking at potential lifetime alimony (assuming there’s a discrepancy in incomes - which there is in OPs friends case).

Even so, most women still don't get alimony. Often men don't make enough to support two households. Married 10 years, fed attorney husband, I worked and no alimony.

I know lots of people that are getting alimony bc of a discrepancy in pay. A teacher married to an attorney, for example, will be granted alimony. The length of time is based on the length of the marriage as a Pp pointed out.

Friend served his cheating wife after youngest turned 18. She never worked, 50. She gets no child support, obviously. She gets very limited alimony with a time limit. Did not get the McMansion - is in a rental apartment and struggling to find real work. Trying to get more of his retirement but he changed jobs a lot.

She is responsible for her own poor choices.

Totally agree. She sounds like a slutty idiot.

Projecting much?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

Stupid question...but assuming the XH is going to drag this divorce out for years and this woman has no money...what attorney agrees to work for free during what could be a multi-year period and get compensated at the end?

Very common to get legal fees paid by the moneyed party in a divorce like this

If the XH is a huge dick…why would he pay the legal fees for the wife?

Because the court orders it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should get the most aggressive attorney she can—the facts are good for her. Even if the prenup survives, you say it only covered existing assets and alimony. She should get half the marital assets, half of his retirement, child support, college for the kid, the marital home, and her attorneys fees.

+1

Unless they have little in the way of assets she should be fine. Hard to tell what assets they have based on the details in the original post. That is really the main issue. As soon as the divorce is finalized and she is hopefully feeling better- she will need to get a job, yes.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

Stupid question...but assuming the XH is going to drag this divorce out for years and this woman has no money...what attorney agrees to work for free during what could be a multi-year period and get compensated at the end?

Very common to get legal fees paid by the moneyed party in a divorce like this

If the XH is a huge dick…why would he pay the legal fees for the wife?

Because the court orders it.

People refuse to pay court judgments all the time…and then you have to sue them again.

XH can simply not pay the bills…I guess I don’t understand any attorney taking the case without a clear understanding that they will be timely paid by their client.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

Stupid question...but assuming the XH is going to drag this divorce out for years and this woman has no money...what attorney agrees to work for free during what could be a multi-year period and get compensated at the end?

Very common to get legal fees paid by the moneyed party in a divorce like this

If the XH is a huge dick…why would he pay the legal fees for the wife?

Because the court orders it.

That's not how it works. She has to pay the attorney monthly and also has to pay a retainer first. The lawyer needs to meet their billable hours and bring in revenue. When the entire ordeal is over, sometimes years later, she might recuperate the fees. She also needs to hire a forensic accountant to try to find hidden assets and those are also very very expensive. The only people getting rich from a divorce are the lawyers. Look that happened to Kevin Costner's ex wife.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

^^ What’s the point of this comment? OP’s friend should go back in time ~20 years and apply this advice? Stupid.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

Not entirely true - depends on the state. Here in Va, the standard is alimony for half of the length of the marriage and anything over 20 years your looking at potential lifetime alimony (assuming there’s a discrepancy in incomes - which there is in OPs friends case).

This is wishful thinking. Family member went through this and only got 10 years and had to go back to work. Her H's gf was already pregnant during the divorce proceedings. Also, the alimony awarded was not enough to maintain the same standards of living.

Why do you think there should have been enough to maintain the same standard of living when the same one salary is now paying for two households?

[Anonymous]

Some of you are real ghouls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

+1 her husband is disgusting. Pull a jury

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is one of the main reasons I would never be a SAHM.

Mama always said a man is not a plan.

That’s great advice for a woman about to get married. It’s irrelevant for OP’s friend at this point.

Other people besides OP are reading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to start looking for a job. Teaching might be a good start. She will need to downsize to a town house or apartment. He will likely argue that paying for dd’s private school is his child support. She needs to strategize with a financial planner what her priority is. She needs to get rid of the house she can’t afford, see if she can get a significant portion of his retirement fund in light of his impending inheritance, and lock in that he will pay for dd’s college. Think long term.

I'm not a divorce attorney, but I've read this forum enough to believe she actually shouldn't get a job. Should she prepare for this eventually? Yes. But as part of divorce proceedings her argument is that she has been basically "unable" to work (we can quibble if this is accurate. I'm a longtime working mom pulling 60% of income) but I think at this stage with the cancer and little to no job history, she's not going to jump right into the workforce and if she does, that could be ruled against her in court. Accurate or not?

I think the alimony and the prenup is almost a ruse. Does she get 50% of all retirement, accumulated assets, and child support? My understanding is that's pretty standard, so that should hold her over for a good while per OP.

There are a lot of SAHM here who are very confident in that divorce would be NBD and they'd walk away with a ton even without alimony. I don't doubt them, but what's the distinction here? 18 years is a long time of accumulating assets and a 10 year old would get 8 more years of support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the main reasons I would never be a SAHM.

I mean, certainly not after signing a pre-nup like that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 47 year old friend was served with divorce papers by her husband of 18 years. She had a double mastectomy and breast cancer last year (in remission now). Such a cliche…

He had her sign a prenup 3 days before the wedding waiving alimony and access to existing (at the time) assets. They have a 10 year old daughter. They just finished building a very expensive house and her daughter is in an expensive private. She has a college degree that she got somewhat late in life at 32 (15 years ago) and never used.

She had one attorney tell her that she can get the prenup thrown out.

Another told her she won’t get alimony and she’ll be responsible for her daughter’s expenses.

So she is getting a lot of conflicting information.

My question is: Is it unwise to choose an attorney that over promises? Can that drag out the divorce and make it more expensive? If you’ve gone through this, how would you advise her?

This is where you went wrong in your post to try to get people to shame SAHMs (I am not one). No attorney would say someone without a job would be responsible for her daughter's expenses. Child support isn't the same thing as alimony.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

You’re delusional. She is a nearly 50 year old cancer survivor. Jobs don’t actually grow on trees; it will be very difficult if not impossible for her to find gainful employment.

pretty sure she can find a job even at that age, just not a high paying one.

And the fact that she can't find a high paying one because she gave up her career to take care of his family is precisely why alimony and settlements exist.

Yup. I know DCUM professional women think it’s feminist to hate on SAHMs, but this woman can’t just magically start supporting herself and her kid even with a college degree. Her husband used her and is attempting to screw her over, and I hope she takes him to the cleaners.

How did her husband use her, exactly?

Per the timeline of the OP, this woman didn't have a college degree until she was 32, 5 years before she had her one kid. So for the first three years that they were married, she had a high school education and did what? Then she stayed home to have one kid.

The husband sounds like a jerk from OP's telling, sure. But I don't get how he "used" this woman who has seemingly never had a real job.