SAHM friend divorcing against her will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

And what is she going to pay this good attorney with, Monopoly money?

[Anonymous]

She had one attorney tell her that she can get the prenup thrown out.

Another told her she won’t get alimony and she’ll be responsible for her daughter’s expenses.

So she is getting a lot of conflicting information.

My question is: Is it unwise to choose an attorney that over promises? Can that drag out the divorce and make it more expensive? If you’ve gone through this, how would you advise her?

She should not choose on promised outcomes. Promising outcomes is a red flag. She should go with an attorney who makes her feel comfortable, who thoroughly explains the basis for his asserts and the various factors that will be explored by the courts.

From what you wrote her, I like the first attorney better, because he said the prenup "can" get thrown out. He's right. It can. Doesn't mean it will be, but it's possible.

I don't like that the second attorney is making categorical statements like "won't" get alimony or "will" have to pay for DD's expenses. Those statements seem extreme and unlikely.

However, I recognize that the attorneys relayed information to your friend, who relayed it to you, who is summarizing it for a message board, so it may not accurate reflect what was said.

So, I would look at what exactly they said.

I would expect the first attorney asked questions about whether the prenup was signed under duress, whether the bride had it reviewed by an attorney, whether that attorney was affiliated with the groom's attorney, and who paid for her attorney. I would expect him to have asked if the prenup just says she gets nothing, or if it had a structure where the amount she gets depends on the length of marriage or other factors. If he asked those questions and took that into account and explained what state law says and the reasons he believes it can be thrown out, I would be satisfied, but I would also expect that he explained what happens if it isn't thrown out and what the default expectations would be for a marital settlement.

For the second attorney, I would have expected him to explain why he does not believe she would get alimony. Is it because that's what it says in the prenup or is it because the state does not mandate it or some other reason. And what type of lump sum settlement or division of assets does he anticipate, if there is no alimony? I would want to know what "daughter's expenses" means. Is he saying she won't get child support because the ex-husband will get 50/50 or full custody? Is he saying that she will get child support, but that it will not cover additional funds for optional expenses like dance lessons? Or does he mean private school tuition (which in my state, a parent can be mandated to pay)? Again, would want to pay attention to the questions he's asking, how he explains, what the contingencies are if it does not go that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

+100 I am so sorry for your friend, OP.

I know so many men that walked out after building/moving into Mansion. WTH?

There’s a special place in hell for people that do this to their sick spouses.

[Anonymous]

My advice to her would be to consult with 3 attorneys and decide from there.

I don’t think you are in a position to advise her because you seem uninformed, e.g., conflating not receiving alimony with having to pay expenses of the daughter alone. You (or anyone here) can’t know whether an attorney is “over-promising” relative to the actual facts/law of the case.

[Anonymous]

Unless there is something illegal in the prenup, 3 days is plenty of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

+100 I am so sorry for your friend, OP.

I know so many men that walked out after building/moving into Mansion. WTH?

There’s a special place in hell for people that do this to their sick spouses.

My friend’s husband started an affair almost as soon as she was diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing treatment. When she finally found out and confronted him he told her she should be grateful he hadn’t left her immediately. Some people have no shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

Not entirely true - depends on the state. Here in Va, the standard is alimony for half of the length of the marriage and anything over 20 years your looking at potential lifetime alimony (assuming there’s a discrepancy in incomes - which there is in OPs friends case).

[Anonymous]

She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

If he died she would get his assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

+100 I am so sorry for your friend, OP.

I know so many men that walked out after building/moving into Mansion. WTH?

There’s a special place in hell for people that do this to their sick spouses.

My friend’s husband started an affair almost as soon as she was diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing treatment. When she finally found out and confronted him he told her she should be grateful he hadn’t left her immediately. Some people have no shame.

My ex did when my mom was going through terminal cancer and I had to help out as a caregiver. 18 years of marriage. These babies have to be the center of attention 100% of the time all the time instead of supporting the spouse “in sickness and in health”. John Edward’s did it to Elizabeth and Newt Gingrich to one of his wives. Lack of character and who are these women lining up to fk them, says a lot about their lack of character too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask the circumstances of the prenup - was she presented it late at night, when drunk, did she take it to a lawyer of her choosing, etc?

Why would she sign a prenup that says she'd get zero alimony?

Uhhh, because a spouse isn't a meal ticket?

[Anonymous]

Why is she hanging up on the pre-nap? If they could afford the expensive home and private school, there must be enough communal assets during the marriage to divide. She will get child support too. Even my friend has to pay her husband for child support LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

And what is she going to pay this good attorney with, Monopoly money?

Np. Why do people like you respond? Who clearly know nothing of how things work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

You’re delusional. She is a nearly 50 year old cancer survivor. Jobs don’t actually grow on trees; it will be very difficult if not impossible for her to find gainful employment.