How is Sorority Rush going?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we were on a cruise over winter break with our daughter who is freshman. Another family, with two daughters, were also on the cruise. Both daughters were preparing for rush. Our daughter is very outgoing and confident and the family asked if she was planning to rush a sorority. I guess she checks some of the boxes. Here answer was something like "oh god, no." It is not here cup of tea but has friends who were rushing. She is somewhat of a contrarian and not much of a follower.

Thanks for sharing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s for insecure women who have nothing going for them but their appearance and their mommy/daddy’s money.

I’m the PP who wrote that I was in one, but came to really not like the way the Greek system works and would prefer my DD go somewhere without Greek life, but she really wants it!

But I don’t think your statement is totally fair either. A lot of these schools are really huge and the idea of joining a smaller social group totally makes sense and the interest is understandable. It’s the exclusionary, judgmental aspect that’s so unappealing. Unfortunately, there’s human nature and if these groups were just random sortings people probably wouldn’t be into them. No perfect answer although I do like the college house system that for example Rice has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we were on a cruise over winter break with our daughter who is freshman. Another family, with two daughters, were also on the cruise. Both daughters were preparing for rush. Our daughter is very outgoing and confident and the family asked if she was planning to rush a sorority. I guess she checks some of the boxes. Here answer was something like "oh god, no." It is not here cup of tea but has friends who were rushing. She is somewhat of a contrarian and not much of a follower.

Yes, there are girls who don’t go through Rush- is that what you are saying? She didn’t check any “boxes” except for being a freshman in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the outrage over girls that are upset if they are dropped by the top houses? Of course they are not interested in joining a group of girls in the lower houses that have nothing in common with them. These dropped girls were very popular in high school, are smart, beautiful and fun. They have always been at the top of the social standing at their various schools. It is not odd that they would expect to be in the top sorority at college. It is a shock and let down when they are rejected. The girls in these top houses are their people, not the nerdier girls that are in the bottom houses struggling for members. Obviously, the girls in the bottom houses are probably kind, smart and great people, but they are not a match for the girl that was the top of the food chain at their high school. Surely you get this. Admitting this online in an anonymous forum does not make you a horrible person. It is reality.

Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the outrage over girls that are upset if they are dropped by the top houses? Of course they are not interested in joining a group of girls in the lower houses that have nothing in common with them. These dropped girls were very popular in high school, are smart, beautiful and fun. They have always been at the top of the social standing at their various schools. It is not odd that they would expect to be in the top sorority at college. It is a shock and let down when they are rejected. The girls in these top houses are their people, not the nerdier girls that are in the bottom houses struggling for members. Obviously, the girls in the bottom houses are probably kind, smart and great people, but they are not a match for the girl that was the top of the food chain at their high school. Surely you get this. Admitting this online in an anonymous forum does not make you a horrible person. It is reality.

Well, apparently not.

What would happen if some of these smart, beautiful, fun, top of the food chain in their podunk hometown, young women accepted bids from the "bottom" houses and made them better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the outrage over girls that are upset if they are dropped by the top houses? Of course they are not interested in joining a group of girls in the lower houses that have nothing in common with them. These dropped girls were very popular in high school, are smart, beautiful and fun. They have always been at the top of the social standing at their various schools. It is not odd that they would expect to be in the top sorority at college. It is a shock and let down when they are rejected. The girls in these top houses are their people, not the nerdier girls that are in the bottom houses struggling for members. Obviously, the girls in the bottom houses are probably kind, smart and great people, but they are not a match for the girl that was the top of the food chain at their high school. Surely you get this. Admitting this online in an anonymous forum does not make you a horrible person. It is reality.

Omg.

But to play your crappy thought game, obviously those top houses are not “their people” if they are rejected by them. One might consider themselves “top of the food chain” in their hometown, but that isn’t guaranteed to translate in college. Sounds like a pretty humbling experience and growth opportunity for a girl with a myopic world view.

Well of course it is. I am just trying to put some perspective on the process for people that are ripping on girls that drop out of rush because once they are cut by the top houses. Because the top houses are limited in the number of bids they can offer, the computer matching algorithm can absolutely drop “top of the food chain” girls. There are not enough spots for all the girls. I say this a a person that doesn’t like the rush process or Greek life AT ALL and has a daughter that ended up happily in one of the “lower” houses. Parents and girls need to know that there are limited spaces in top houses and tons of spaces at the bottom. It is computerized with a weighted algorithm that tries to steer girls into the lower subscribed houses and lots of popular, rich, gorgeous, skinny girls get surprised by the results. Go into rush with your eyes open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rushed at UVA in 2010 (wow...how is that possible) but did not pledge a sorority. Not going to lie, it was...difficult.

I never really thought about/wanted to join a sorority prior to college - it was not on my radar, but I signed up for rush because it was such a big thing at UVA. I was out of state and didn't know anyone. Long story short, I ended up getting dropped from most sororities and getting a bid from what those on campus called the 'fat', 'loser' sorority (I may have been a loser, but I was not fat!) I declined the bid and decided not to be in a sorority at all.

EVEN AS someone who didn't really care that much about being in a sorority and went on to have good friends and a good college experience, it really stung. I remember telling my mom that 'a third of the girls at this school must not like me' after getting dropped nearly everywhere, and I always felt a bit insecure wondering what it was. In class, I'd wonder if I was sitting near a girl who dropped me or had talked badly about me during the decision-making process. Even looking back today, I wonder what was wrong with me at the time. And some people took it even harder - a girl in my dorm was so devastated her parents had to come up, and she nearly withdrew from the school (she ended up staying, fortunately, and getting really involved in a cool hobby group where she ended up meeting her husband, so all worked out).

Anyways, I find the system problematic and wouldn't support my daughter joining a sorority or rushing.

So you met these girls, they picked you, and you decided to reject them because random people said they were fat losers? You come off as the mean girl here. I wonder if they sat in class and saw you as the person who came to their events, but then rejected them.

Greek life isn't for everyone, but you opted in. You went through the process and it worked because you were offered a spot. YOU rejected it because you decided you were too good for it.

And every college has great groups that aren't tied to sororities. You wrote about the girl from your dorm, but did you do something else? Because you seem like you haven't moved on.

The sorority in question essentially invited everyone back, so it wasn’t so much that they picked me as that they needed bodies. But a couple things…first, in hindsight, a sorority would not have been ‘for me’ at all, regardless of it it had been the one I wanted or not (I’m very introverted and don’t really like large groups) and second, I agree the stereotyping, etc. is wrong but can you blame an insecure 18YO new to college and not knowing anyone for not wanting to join a group people said these horrible things about? Let alone pay thousands of dollars of my own money to be a part of this group.

To your second question, of course I did…in fact, I recently got married myself and had many members of the club I Did join in attendance.

The group that was the most open and accepting wasn't good enough for you. An opportunity to participate squandered, but I'm glad you found another club.

This is so close to the mentality here that the only good colleges are the ones that reject almost everyone who applies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does the National Panhellenic decide how many girls can be in each house? If there are 9 houses and 90 % of the girls want the same 3 houses, why cant the popular house expand to accommodate more girls? They try to force all these girls into the houses with weird or awkward girls (sorry but true) and then they just end up dropping out and are traumatized. Why cant you just have 5 really big sororities? It makes no sense to me. It is just brutal and mean to these girls.

Because if these houses weren’t exclusive, they would no longer have an appeal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the outrage over girls that are upset if they are dropped by the top houses? Of course they are not interested in joining a group of girls in the lower houses that have nothing in common with them. These dropped girls were very popular in high school, are smart, beautiful and fun. They have always been at the top of the social standing at their various schools. It is not odd that they would expect to be in the top sorority at college. It is a shock and let down when they are rejected. The girls in these top houses are their people, not the nerdier girls that are in the bottom houses struggling for members. Obviously, the girls in the bottom houses are probably kind, smart and great people, but they are not a match for the girl that was the top of the food chain at their high school. Surely you get this. Admitting this online in an anonymous forum does not make you a horrible person. It is reality.

Well, apparently not.

What would happen if some of these smart, beautiful, fun, top of the food chain in their podunk hometown, young women accepted bids from the "bottom" houses and made them better?

+1
Sorority: We want to do the things sororities do and you can join us!
PNM: Ew, I only want to do sororities things with people who reject everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is tough for any out of state kid unless you are Jewish. So much of it depends on high school connections. At least for the 'good' orgs.

OP here- How does being Jewish help? I’ve heard in past years that kids are so miserable after rush that they leave the school, that’s what scares me. That everyone is investing so much into sorority life.

Ugh, that's so depressing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rushed at UVA in 2010 (wow...how is that possible) but did not pledge a sorority. Not going to lie, it was...difficult.

I never really thought about/wanted to join a sorority prior to college - it was not on my radar, but I signed up for rush because it was such a big thing at UVA. I was out of state and didn't know anyone. Long story short, I ended up getting dropped from most sororities and getting a bid from what those on campus called the 'fat', 'loser' sorority (I may have been a loser, but I was not fat!) I declined the bid and decided not to be in a sorority at all.

EVEN AS someone who didn't really care that much about being in a sorority and went on to have good friends and a good college experience, it really stung. I remember telling my mom that 'a third of the girls at this school must not like me' after getting dropped nearly everywhere, and I always felt a bit insecure wondering what it was. In class, I'd wonder if I was sitting near a girl who dropped me or had talked badly about me during the decision-making process. Even looking back today, I wonder what was wrong with me at the time. And some people took it even harder - a girl in my dorm was so devastated her parents had to come up, and she nearly withdrew from the school (she ended up staying, fortunately, and getting really involved in a cool hobby group where she ended up meeting her husband, so all worked out).

Anyways, I find the system problematic and wouldn't support my daughter joining a sorority or rushing.

So you met these girls, they picked you, and you decided to reject them because random people said they were fat losers? You come off as the mean girl here. I wonder if they sat in class and saw you as the person who came to their events, but then rejected them.

Greek life isn't for everyone, but you opted in. You went through the process and it worked because you were offered a spot. YOU rejected it because you decided you were too good for it.

And every college has great groups that aren't tied to sororities. You wrote about the girl from your dorm, but did you do something else? Because you seem like you haven't moved on.

The sorority in question essentially invited everyone back, so it wasn’t so much that they picked me as that they needed bodies. But a couple things…first, in hindsight, a sorority would not have been ‘for me’ at all, regardless of it it had been the one I wanted or not (I’m very introverted and don’t really like large groups) and second, I agree the stereotyping, etc. is wrong but can you blame an insecure 18YO new to college and not knowing anyone for not wanting to join a group people said these horrible things about? Let alone pay thousands of dollars of my own money to be a part of this group.

To your second question, of course I did…in fact, I recently got married myself and had many members of the club I Did join in attendance.

The group that was the most open and accepting wasn't good enough for you. An opportunity to participate squandered, but I'm glad you found another club.

This is so close to the mentality here that the only good colleges are the ones that reject almost everyone who applies.

Except that if you can get yourself into a very, very high level, rejective University, they will give you very generous amounts of money if you need it.

From what I'm reading, the sororities and fraternities expect you to give them various generous amounts of money because they need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rushed at UVA in 2010 (wow...how is that possible) but did not pledge a sorority. Not going to lie, it was...difficult.

I never really thought about/wanted to join a sorority prior to college - it was not on my radar, but I signed up for rush because it was such a big thing at UVA. I was out of state and didn't know anyone. Long story short, I ended up getting dropped from most sororities and getting a bid from what those on campus called the 'fat', 'loser' sorority (I may have been a loser, but I was not fat!) I declined the bid and decided not to be in a sorority at all.

EVEN AS someone who didn't really care that much about being in a sorority and went on to have good friends and a good college experience, it really stung. I remember telling my mom that 'a third of the girls at this school must not like me' after getting dropped nearly everywhere, and I always felt a bit insecure wondering what it was. In class, I'd wonder if I was sitting near a girl who dropped me or had talked badly about me during the decision-making process. Even looking back today, I wonder what was wrong with me at the time. And some people took it even harder - a girl in my dorm was so devastated her parents had to come up, and she nearly withdrew from the school (she ended up staying, fortunately, and getting really involved in a cool hobby group where she ended up meeting her husband, so all worked out).

Anyways, I find the system problematic and wouldn't support my daughter joining a sorority or rushing.

So you met these girls, they picked you, and you decided to reject them because random people said they were fat losers? You come off as the mean girl here. I wonder if they sat in class and saw you as the person who came to their events, but then rejected them.

Greek life isn't for everyone, but you opted in. You went through the process and it worked because you were offered a spot. YOU rejected it because you decided you were too good for it.

And every college has great groups that aren't tied to sororities. You wrote about the girl from your dorm, but did you do something else? Because you seem like you haven't moved on.

The sorority in question essentially invited everyone back, so it wasn’t so much that they picked me as that they needed bodies. But a couple things…first, in hindsight, a sorority would not have been ‘for me’ at all, regardless of it it had been the one I wanted or not (I’m very introverted and don’t really like large groups) and second, I agree the stereotyping, etc. is wrong but can you blame an insecure 18YO new to college and not knowing anyone for not wanting to join a group people said these horrible things about? Let alone pay thousands of dollars of my own money to be a part of this group.

To your second question, of course I did…in fact, I recently got married myself and had many members of the club I Did join in attendance.

The group that was the most open and accepting wasn't good enough for you. An opportunity to participate squandered, but I'm glad you found another club.

This is so close to the mentality here that the only good colleges are the ones that reject almost everyone who applies.

Well, again, at the end of the day, spending thousands of dollars to participate in any sorority would not have been a good move for me. I fully admit that at the time, I wasn’t rushing for ‘sisterhood’ or ‘new friends’, more that it was the thing to do and I got caught up in the social status of it. So I am glad I didn’t get in anywhere looking back.

[Anonymous]

There are many 'exclusive', ie excluding, groups within the college experience. The business club culture is brutal, acceptance often driven by 'connections', athletic cliques at certain schools drive the social structure, clubbing w/bottle service thats accessible only by those with $$$. I am not a big fan of sororities, but I don't get the hate for a voluntary, women-centered social structure that provides a sense of belonging for those who choose to join. In college, i joined a number of groups, had a job and even joined a sorority (was not my plan bc never thought of myself as a 'sorority' girl but met nice girls who encouraged me and made me reassess my own bias). I think college is about academic, social, and emotional growth. Kids will explore, assess, have disappointments, build resilience, and eventually find their way. Rush is tough, but the job search is another impending world of judgenent and rejection kids will ultimately face...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s for insecure women who have nothing going for them but their appearance and their mommy/daddy’s money.

I was in a sorority. I didn’t have money growing up and I became a lawyer. I am still good friends when many of women I met in the sorority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many 'exclusive', ie excluding, groups within the college experience. The business club culture is brutal, acceptance often driven by 'connections', athletic cliques at certain schools drive the social structure, clubbing w/bottle service thats accessible only by those with $$$. I am not a big fan of sororities, but I don't get the hate for a voluntary, women-centered social structure that provides a sense of belonging for those who choose to join. In college, i joined a number of groups, had a job and even joined a sorority (was not my plan bc never thought of myself as a 'sorority' girl but met nice girls who encouraged me and made me reassess my own bias). I think college is about academic, social, and emotional growth. Kids will explore, assess, have disappointments, build resilience, and eventually find their way. Rush is tough, but the job search is another impending world of judgenent and rejection kids will ultimately face...

I don't hate them reflexively. But I hate that they have risen to a level of importance in some girls' lives that they would be devastated enough to quit their college if they don't get the house they want.

I started rush at my college back in the '90s. As an introvert, I found it brutal. So I quit. Made plenty of friends anyway.

I still remember the horrible nicknames people had for the "undesirable" houses. It was gross in that context.

Some of my friends' kids go to colleges where it seems more laid-back and fun.