How is Sorority Rush going?

[Anonymous]

What is DCUMers ranking of top to bottom houses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is DCUMers ranking of top to bottom houses?

It’s totally different at each school. One sorority could be the top house at one college, but be a less desirable house at another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thinking you are better than “those” houses or the “awkward” girls is just as cringe-worthy as being rejected and judged by the “good” sororities that rejected you.

Yes. This is awful!

[Anonymous]

I didn't rush in college but was asked by a couple of sororities if I wanted to join because their numbers were so low, I assume. I couldn't afford it and had other interests so said no. But this was 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I rushed at UVA in 2010 (wow...how is that possible) but did not pledge a sorority. Not going to lie, it was...difficult.

I never really thought about/wanted to join a sorority prior to college - it was not on my radar, but I signed up for rush because it was such a big thing at UVA. I was out of state and didn't know anyone. Long story short, I ended up getting dropped from most sororities and getting a bid from what those on campus called the 'fat', 'loser' sorority (I may have been a loser, but I was not fat!) I declined the bid and decided not to be in a sorority at all.

EVEN AS someone who didn't really care that much about being in a sorority and went on to have good friends and a good college experience, it really stung. I remember telling my mom that 'a third of the girls at this school must not like me' after getting dropped nearly everywhere, and I always felt a bit insecure wondering what it was. In class, I'd wonder if I was sitting near a girl who dropped me or had talked badly about me during the decision-making process. Even looking back today, I wonder what was wrong with me at the time. And some people took it even harder - a girl in my dorm was so devastated her parents had to come up, and she nearly withdrew from the school (she ended up staying, fortunately, and getting really involved in a cool hobby group where she ended up meeting her husband, so all worked out).

Anyways, I find the system problematic and wouldn't support my daughter joining a sorority or rushing.

So you met these girls, they picked you, and you decided to reject them because random people said they were fat losers? You come off as the mean girl here. I wonder if they sat in class and saw you as the person who came to their events, but then rejected them.

Greek life isn't for everyone, but you opted in. You went through the process and it worked because you were offered a spot. YOU rejected it because you decided you were too good for it.

And every college has great groups that aren't tied to sororities. You wrote about the girl from your dorm, but did you do something else? Because you seem like you haven't moved on.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is in a sorority at an SEC school, and we are solidly middle class. She went into the process with an open mind, chose a house where she truly connected with the girls, and is having a great experience. Her sorority sisters are her best friends at school, and many of their families have “adopted” her on holidays and family weekends when we’re unable to fly down. There are definitely parts of the rush process that seem “icky,” but I think it goes both ways. Most of the girls who have a bad experience or feel devastated went into it with the mindset that only certain houses are “good enough” for them. You can find sisterhood in all of them and, when it comes to getting invited to parties and formals, the guys are more interested in the individual girl than the rank of her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rushed at UVA in 2010 (wow...how is that possible) but did not pledge a sorority. Not going to lie, it was...difficult.

I never really thought about/wanted to join a sorority prior to college - it was not on my radar, but I signed up for rush because it was such a big thing at UVA. I was out of state and didn't know anyone. Long story short, I ended up getting dropped from most sororities and getting a bid from what those on campus called the 'fat', 'loser' sorority (I may have been a loser, but I was not fat!) I declined the bid and decided not to be in a sorority at all.

EVEN AS someone who didn't really care that much about being in a sorority and went on to have good friends and a good college experience, it really stung. I remember telling my mom that 'a third of the girls at this school must not like me' after getting dropped nearly everywhere, and I always felt a bit insecure wondering what it was. In class, I'd wonder if I was sitting near a girl who dropped me or had talked badly about me during the decision-making process. Even looking back today, I wonder what was wrong with me at the time. And some people took it even harder - a girl in my dorm was so devastated her parents had to come up, and she nearly withdrew from the school (she ended up staying, fortunately, and getting really involved in a cool hobby group where she ended up meeting her husband, so all worked out).

Anyways, I find the system problematic and wouldn't support my daughter joining a sorority or rushing.

So you met these girls, they picked you, and you decided to reject them because random people said they were fat losers? You come off as the mean girl here. I wonder if they sat in class and saw you as the person who came to their events, but then rejected them.

Greek life isn't for everyone, but you opted in. You went through the process and it worked because you were offered a spot. YOU rejected it because you decided you were too good for it.

And every college has great groups that aren't tied to sororities. You wrote about the girl from your dorm, but did you do something else? Because you seem like you haven't moved on.

NP who had a similar situation at another school. They didn't "pick me because they saw something so special in me" and all the other happy horses&*t phrases that are used. They didn't know me. They were desperate for new members to keep the chapter afloat. As I remember thinking at the time, they saw a warm body and a checkbook.

[Anonymous]

What is the outrage over girls that are upset if they are dropped by the top houses? Of course they are not interested in joining a group of girls in the lower houses that have nothing in common with them. These dropped girls were very popular in high school, are smart, beautiful and fun. They have always been at the top of the social standing at their various schools. It is not odd that they would expect to be in the top sorority at college. It is a shock and let down when they are rejected. The girls in these top houses are their people, not the nerdier girls that are in the bottom houses struggling for members. Obviously, the girls in the bottom houses are probably kind, smart and great people, but they are not a match for the girl that was the top of the food chain at their high school. Surely you get this. Admitting this online in an anonymous forum does not make you a horrible person. It is reality.

[Anonymous]

A friend is a retired athletic director at Big 10 school.

He directed that if you wanted to be on one of the school’s Division 1 sports teams you could not join a Greek organization. Of course this applied to men and women. He reasoned that D1 athletics already presented a number of conflicts with the academic mission and that the Greek system exacerbated those conflicts. I wish my AD had the same rule. Two of my teammates - one of the relatively few scholarship guys we had - went all in on fraternities and their performances declined so severely they weren’t even at high school level. Plus they notionally good students and ended up doing poorly academically. They were in the “popular” frat though.

My brother was an Econ professor at UVA. He was told not to assign homework during rush. He made himself unpopular in doing so. A well known athlete in his undergrad days, he wasn’t assigning anything he couldn’t have managed.

[Anonymous]

Every group is what you make of it. A sorority is no different- if you go in just believing that it’s an in for fraternities or what not, then that’s what you’ll get out of it. If you go in looking for a great group of friends with lots of social activities, then that’s what you’ll get out of it. There’s nothing wrong about sororities and people need to stop judging everyone who was in one or who has a child pledging. Numbers are up everywhere for joining which means that people are feeling that need to belong.

Can the Rush process suck- YES. But it’s one week of your life. And everyone does get a bid if they finish the process. Just because girls don’t deem the houses good enough, does not mean there’s a problem with the quota system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the outrage over girls that are upset if they are dropped by the top houses? Of course they are not interested in joining a group of girls in the lower houses that have nothing in common with them. These dropped girls were very popular in high school, are smart, beautiful and fun. They have always been at the top of the social standing at their various schools. It is not odd that they would expect to be in the top sorority at college. It is a shock and let down when they are rejected. The girls in these top houses are their people, not the nerdier girls that are in the bottom houses struggling for members. Obviously, the girls in the bottom houses are probably kind, smart and great people, but they are not a match for the girl that was the top of the food chain at their high school. Surely you get this. Admitting this online in an anonymous forum does not make you a horrible person. It is reality.

Omg.

But to play your crappy thought game, obviously those top houses are not “their people” if they are rejected by them. One might consider themselves “top of the food chain” in their hometown, but that isn’t guaranteed to translate in college. Sounds like a pretty humbling experience and growth opportunity for a girl with a myopic world view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the outrage over girls that are upset if they are dropped by the top houses? Of course they are not interested in joining a group of girls in the lower houses that have nothing in common with them. These dropped girls were very popular in high school, are smart, beautiful and fun. They have always been at the top of the social standing at their various schools. It is not odd that they would expect to be in the top sorority at college. It is a shock and let down when they are rejected. The girls in these top houses are their people, not the nerdier girls that are in the bottom houses struggling for members. Obviously, the girls in the bottom houses are probably kind, smart and great people, but they are not a match for the girl that was the top of the food chain at their high school. Surely you get this. Admitting this online in an anonymous forum does not make you a horrible person. It is reality.

Omg.

But to play your crappy thought game, obviously those top houses are not “their people” if they are rejected by them. One might consider themselves “top of the food chain” in their hometown, but that isn’t guaranteed to translate in college. Sounds like a pretty humbling experience and growth opportunity for a girl with a myopic world view.

+1

Just another example of a big fish in a small pond getting a surprise when they're suddenly surrounded by other "big fish". Same as with academics, arts, sports, anything you can think of.

Also, ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rushed at UVA in 2010 (wow...how is that possible) but did not pledge a sorority. Not going to lie, it was...difficult.

I never really thought about/wanted to join a sorority prior to college - it was not on my radar, but I signed up for rush because it was such a big thing at UVA. I was out of state and didn't know anyone. Long story short, I ended up getting dropped from most sororities and getting a bid from what those on campus called the 'fat', 'loser' sorority (I may have been a loser, but I was not fat!) I declined the bid and decided not to be in a sorority at all.

EVEN AS someone who didn't really care that much about being in a sorority and went on to have good friends and a good college experience, it really stung. I remember telling my mom that 'a third of the girls at this school must not like me' after getting dropped nearly everywhere, and I always felt a bit insecure wondering what it was. In class, I'd wonder if I was sitting near a girl who dropped me or had talked badly about me during the decision-making process. Even looking back today, I wonder what was wrong with me at the time. And some people took it even harder - a girl in my dorm was so devastated her parents had to come up, and she nearly withdrew from the school (she ended up staying, fortunately, and getting really involved in a cool hobby group where she ended up meeting her husband, so all worked out).

Anyways, I find the system problematic and wouldn't support my daughter joining a sorority or rushing.

So you met these girls, they picked you, and you decided to reject them because random people said they were fat losers? You come off as the mean girl here. I wonder if they sat in class and saw you as the person who came to their events, but then rejected them.

Greek life isn't for everyone, but you opted in. You went through the process and it worked because you were offered a spot. YOU rejected it because you decided you were too good for it.

And every college has great groups that aren't tied to sororities. You wrote about the girl from your dorm, but did you do something else? Because you seem like you haven't moved on.

The sorority in question essentially invited everyone back, so it wasn’t so much that they picked me as that they needed bodies. But a couple things…first, in hindsight, a sorority would not have been ‘for me’ at all, regardless of it it had been the one I wanted or not (I’m very introverted and don’t really like large groups) and second, I agree the stereotyping, etc. is wrong but can you blame an insecure 18YO new to college and not knowing anyone for not wanting to join a group people said these horrible things about? Let alone pay thousands of dollars of my own money to be a part of this group.

To your second question, of course I did…in fact, I recently got married myself and had many members of the club I Did join in attendance.

[Anonymous]

So we were on a cruise over winter break with our daughter who is freshman. Another family, with two daughters, were also on the cruise. Both daughters were preparing for rush. Our daughter is very outgoing and confident and the family asked if she was planning to rush a sorority. I guess she checks some of the boxes. Here answer was something like "oh god, no." It is not here cup of tea but has friends who were rushing. She is somewhat of a contrarian and not much of a follower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the outrage over girls that are upset if they are dropped by the top houses? Of course they are not interested in joining a group of girls in the lower houses that have nothing in common with them. These dropped girls were very popular in high school, are smart, beautiful and fun. They have always been at the top of the social standing at their various schools. It is not odd that they would expect to be in the top sorority at college. It is a shock and let down when they are rejected. The girls in these top houses are their people, not the nerdier girls that are in the bottom houses struggling for members. Obviously, the girls in the bottom houses are probably kind, smart and great people, but they are not a match for the girl that was the top of the food chain at their high school. Surely you get this. Admitting this online in an anonymous forum does not make you a horrible person. It is reality.

Sounds to me like being dropped might be the best thing that ever happens to such girls. An opportunity to learn empathy and humility.