Small acts that signal to strangers you are TA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking about obvious things but small ones.

I’ll start:
- taking calls or listening to music on speaker in public setting
- putting your bag on a chair in a crowded place where a person could sit
- having unnecessarily loud engine

I am going with making vague, anonymous posts on social media complaining about someone instead of having the confidence to address that individual directly, IRL like a competent adult. People who make those sorts of posts are total glass bowls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:telling people to CALM DOWN while being TA.

Also when saying stuff like "what is wrong with you" or "you're being soooo sensitive" when they get upset because of your bad actions.

Everyone makes mistakes but people who respond to their own mistakes by blaming others for having feelings, instead of just apologizing and making it right or promising not to do it again, are definitely TA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking about obvious things but small ones.

I’ll start:
- taking calls or listening to music on speaker in public setting
- putting your bag on a chair in a crowded place where a person could sit
- having unnecessarily loud engine

I am going with making vague, anonymous posts on social media complaining about someone instead of having the confidence to address that individual directly, IRL like a competent adult. People who make those sorts of posts are total glass bowls.

DP but I will disagree with you. Some people are not worth dealing with directly. I have learned this the hard way. I have never lacked for confidence and used to always address conflicts with people by speaking to them directly. What I've learned is that this only works if the other person is actually a decent person who wants to get along with others. But a lot of people become instantly defensive, interpret what you are saying in weird ways, try to retaliate by acting even worse, etc. Like most people are not very mature or good at admitting their mistakes.

With someone like that, your best recourse is to avoid them when reasonable, respond neutrally when you have not choice but to deal with them, and if necessary, find ways to work through your frustration with them. Usually my DH and I just do this for each other, it's one of the nice things about being married -- live-in sounding board for when other people are the worst but it's not worth it to make a whole thing of it.

Maybe OP doesn't have a spouse or their spouse *is* TA. Zero harm in complaining about this stuff here and it probably helps to get it off their chest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I keep my bag on the seat next to me unless there are no seats left and people are standing and neat a seat.

Why?

Because once as a woman, I literally was trapped on a bus that eventually became empty. And guess what? The very large man sitting next to me, WOULD NOT MOVE to another empty seat.

I felt so violated. I couldn't get up because then I would have had to squeeze past him.

I asked him and then I told him to please get up now and move to an empty seat, that I couldn't really breathe and needed to throw up.

I started making gagging and coughing and spitting noises until he moved.

I'm a petite woman. And this dude was purposely not moving to an empty seat.

So, yes, I keep my bag on the seat next to me unless the bus or train or seating area is completely full and people are standing and need a place to sit.

I'm also a petite woman who learned a long time ago how to say "excuse me" on public transport when I need to exit or move. This dude wasn't holding you hostage. You're just a drama queen justifying your horrible behaviors by manufacturing "victim" moments.

If every seat on the bus or Metro car has one person in it, I always pick a seat with a bag in it to sit in. I mean, I say "Excuse me," I don't sit on the bag, but when deciding who to inconvenience, I pick the entitled person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I keep my bag on the seat next to me unless there are no seats left and people are standing and neat a seat.

Why?

Because once as a woman, I literally was trapped on a bus that eventually became empty. And guess what? The very large man sitting next to me, WOULD NOT MOVE to another empty seat.

I felt so violated. I couldn't get up because then I would have had to squeeze past him.

I asked him and then I told him to please get up now and move to an empty seat, that I couldn't really breathe and needed to throw up.

I started making gagging and coughing and spitting noises until he moved.

I'm a petite woman. And this dude was purposely not moving to an empty seat.

So, yes, I keep my bag on the seat next to me unless the bus or train or seating area is completely full and people are standing and need a place to sit.

I'm also a petite woman who learned a long time ago how to say "excuse me" on public transport when I need to exit or move. This dude wasn't holding you hostage. You're just a drama queen justifying your horrible behaviors by manufacturing "victim" moments.

If every seat on the bus or Metro car has one person in it, I always pick a seat with a bag in it to sit in. I mean, I say "Excuse me," I don't sit on the bag, but when deciding who to inconvenience, I pick the entitled person.

I want to be your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving your car parked at the gas station pump (not pumping gas) and running in the mini-mart or to another store/coffee place next door. It's a gas pump NOT a parking lot and you're a jerk.

Knowingly watching me trying to get around your grocery cart THAT BLOCKING THE ENTIRE ISLE and not moving it. Like making eye contact with me and not moving it.

WHAT? Sometimes you have to pay inside and give the pump number to apply the payment to. How old are you? I hate paying at the pump, I go inside buy what I need and pay at the cashier and tell them my car is at pump 7 or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leaving your car parked at the gas station pump (not pumping gas) and running in the mini-mart or to another store/coffee place next door. It's a gas pump NOT a parking lot and you're a jerk.

Knowingly watching me trying to get around your grocery cart THAT BLOCKING THE ENTIRE ISLE and not moving it. Like making eye contact with me and not moving it.

WHAT? Sometimes you have to pay inside and give the pump number to apply the payment to. How old are you? I hate paying at the pump, I go inside buy what I need and pay at the cashier and tell them my car is at pump 7 or whatever.

I think the poster is talking about just parking there while you go in and order food, use the restroom, etc.

[Anonymous]

Bmws and cybertrucks indicate TA.

[Anonymous]

When people sit in the aisle / outer seat of metro or subway cars, leaving the window / inner seat empty, when you want to sit, they make you walk around their knees. Infuriating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bringing your dog into every freaking store.

I bring my dog wherever he's allowed. Get over it.

So you are TA! They are not legally allowed, the business just chooses to ignore it. Stop being TA and leave your mangy dog at home.

Probably not a dog but an "Emotional Support Animal," so the TA doesn't have to pay a pet deposit or pet rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bringing your dog into every freaking store.

I bring my dog wherever he's allowed. Get over it.

So you are TA! They are not legally allowed, the business just chooses to ignore it. Stop being TA and leave your mangy dog at home.

Probably not a dog but an "Emotional Support Animal," so the TA doesn't have to pay a pet deposit or pet rent.

Right! Work the system to the max. We had this happen in my building where no pets were allowed of any sort. Suddenly all these people had papers showing their dog is an emotional support animal. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I keep my bag on the seat next to me unless there are no seats left and people are standing and neat a seat.

Why?

Because once as a woman, I literally was trapped on a bus that eventually became empty. And guess what? The very large man sitting next to me, WOULD NOT MOVE to another empty seat.

I felt so violated. I couldn't get up because then I would have had to squeeze past him.

I asked him and then I told him to please get up now and move to an empty seat, that I couldn't really breathe and needed to throw up.

I started making gagging and coughing and spitting noises until he moved.

I'm a petite woman. And this dude was purposely not moving to an empty seat.

So, yes, I keep my bag on the seat next to me unless the bus or train or seating area is completely full and people are standing and need a place to sit.

I'm also a petite woman who learned a long time ago how to say "excuse me" on public transport when I need to exit or move. This dude wasn't holding you hostage. You're just a drama queen justifying your horrible behaviors by manufacturing "victim" moments.

If every seat on the bus or Metro car has one person in it, I always pick a seat with a bag in it to sit in. I mean, I say "Excuse me," I don't sit on the bag, but when deciding who to inconvenience, I pick the entitled person.

Whenever I fly Southwest, I always pick the seat someone has placed their bag on, even if there are other empty seats. We all know you're not saving that seat for someone, Karen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bringing your dog into every freaking store.

I bring my dog wherever he's allowed. Get over it.

So you are TA! They are not legally allowed, the business just chooses to ignore it. Stop being TA and leave your mangy dog at home.

Probably not a dog but an "Emotional Support Animal," so the TA doesn't have to pay a pet deposit or pet rent.

Right! Work the system to the max. We had this happen in my building where no pets were allowed of any sort. Suddenly all these people had papers showing their dog is an emotional support animal. Give me a break.

I used to be a dog trainer, and I can't even count the number of emotional support dogs I saw who were extremely neglected.

Often the people who get an ESA have extreme depression, anxiety, PTSD, addition, etc. And maybe the dog does help them, but at some point they go through a depressive episode or drinking binge and neglect the dog.

Often I was hired by their parents to "help" and the stuff I saw was horrific. Like the guy with PTSD who was so drunk for a full week, he did not take his Great Dane out. There was dog waste all over the floor, along with broken glass and nails from where the owner had dropped bottles and ripped up floorboards.

Or owners would have such severe depression or social anxiety, they never took their dog out, which ruined the house training, and now this dog peed and pooped everywhere because it was only taken out every couple days (if that).

Always boggled my mind that their parents were not only complicit, but actively encouraged their kids to get dogs. Often the issue was the parents refused to set boundaries and financed and managed their adult child's entire life. It's a parenting problem, not a pet problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bringing your dog into every freaking store.

I bring my dog wherever he's allowed. Get over it.

So you are TA! They are not legally allowed, the business just chooses to ignore it. Stop being TA and leave your mangy dog at home.

+1 I don’t want to see your dog at Total Wine, Starbucks, Costco, Walmart, Safeway, or District Taco - all places where I have seen dogs indoors in the last year or so. My issue is that not all dogs are well-behaved and calm, and even dogs that are usually well-behaved at home or on walks can get over excited in a busy store. I also think it’s gross in food establishments.

My local wine store loves my dog and gives him treats when we visit. Shrug.

You're still TA. Shrug.

That’s just your opinion. Not your store, not your business.

[Anonymous]

Riding an illegal 4-wheeler / dirt bike all over Anacostia terrorizing people on the sidewalks and public streets = TA.