My husband doesn't want kids

[Anonymous]

I would get him to a therapist to explore why and set a clear deadline for all three of you. Maybe one year.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no one has focused on OPS language: “I couldn’t have been clearer and he agreed.” Note that she doesn’t say “and he said he wanted them too.“

Not so sure he “changed his mind.”

Who gives a shit? She’s 31 and can still have kids elsewhere!!! Run OP!!

I am not saying she should or shouldn’t. What I am saying is that it’s not necessarily fair to blame the guy. It sounds like OP went into the marriage with a lot of wishful thinking.

Who cares about blame. She is on the tail end of fertility and he is playing games and wasting her time.

But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

Huh? 31 is not the tail end of fertility. She has plenty of time, and suggesting she stay and actively have children with someone who specifically said they didn't want them is NOT a good plan.

1 year divorce, 3 years to find someone, 1 year to get married, 2 years of marriage before having kids.

That's 37 years. Kids at 38 years old is how you end up with kids with ASD or Downs.

Dp

That’s not an unreasonable timeline. 3 years would be finding and dating someone to determine whether they are capable of being a good father and husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would get him to a therapist to explore why and set a clear deadline for all three of you. Maybe one year.

A therapist for what? Talking him into having a child? Or talking her out of wanting a child?

[Anonymous]

Interesting that nobody has asked the question about whether the guy has admitted to lying or whether he’s just freaking out and has cold feet. My wife and I planned on kids and bought a house with enough bedrooms and in a school district we wanted. But when it come to our agreed-to time to start “trying”, she freaked out and decided that she didn’t want kids. It cost us a year but she came back around to it and we have a great kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that nobody has asked the question about whether the guy has admitted to lying or whether he’s just freaking out and has cold feet. My wife and I planned on kids and bought a house with enough bedrooms and in a school district we wanted. But when it come to our agreed-to time to start “trying”, she freaked out and decided that she didn’t want kids. It cost us a year but she came back around to it and we have a great kid.

Could be cold feet, but OP didn’t make it sound like it: “basically he said he will have kids but isn't invested”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

It is selfish to even consider knowingly bringing a child into a family where the father does not want them.

I didn't say she should. She'll may need to decide between keeping her current partner and being alone forever.

What’s preventing her from finding a new partner? She may not be able to become pregnant but that’s another matter.

There's no guarantee she'll find someone knew or have a child.

[Anonymous]

How much do you love him? Many people are happy without kids. Many people are miserable with kids but will never admit it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

It is selfish to even consider knowingly bringing a child into a family where the father does not want them.

I didn't say she should. She'll may need to decide between keeping her current partner and being alone forever.

What’s preventing her from finding a new partner? She may not be able to become pregnant but that’s another matter.

There's no guarantee she'll find someone knew or have a child.

That’s life. There are few guarantees. There is nothing to prevent OP from trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you were dating though, was his stance “Sure kids will work?” That’s very different than “I’ve always wanted a family, I can’t wait to start one with you?”

Give me a freaking break. So now it’s on women to vet the degree to which a man’s yes to kids actually means yes? Look. If he doesn’t want kids, fine. But that’s on him to say so and prevent it via the many, many forms of birth control available. Not give a tepid yes that he doesn’t really mean to the kids question and then shrug and give this woman a choice between a marriage with no kids and divorce. That should seriously be a jailable offense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of us saying 'divorce' have either been there or watched our friends be there. Parenting w/ someone who isn't ALL IN is going to be a nightmare.

This ^^ watching my friends with husbands who weren’t >100% wanting to be a dad is painful and sad for all involved. It’ll take all the love you had out of you, and leave you with nothing but resentment

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:When you were dating though, was his stance “Sure kids will work?” That’s very different than “I’ve always wanted a family, I can’t wait to start one with you?”

Give me a freaking break. So now it’s on women to vet the degree to which a man’s yes to kids actually means yes? Look. If he doesn’t want kids, fine. But that’s on him to say so and prevent it via the many, many forms of birth control available. Not give a tepid yes that he doesn’t really mean to the kids question and then shrug and give this woman a choice between a marriage with no kids and divorce.

+1

That should seriously be a jailable offense.

Oh please.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

It is selfish to even consider knowingly bringing a child into a family where the father does not want them.

I didn't say she should. She'll may need to decide between keeping her current partner and being alone forever.

What’s preventing her from finding a new partner? She may not be able to become pregnant but that’s another matter.

There's no guarantee she'll find someone knew or have a child.

That’s life. There are few guarantees. There is nothing to prevent OP from trying.

That's right. She could try, but things could end up worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Break up. At your age and with no kids yet - you have time to meet someone new and start afresh. This would be a deal breaker to me no question. If you really want to be a parent, it's a desire and fulfillment that trumps all else.

this
do not have children w him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL did not want any kids before marriage. My SIL tricked and bribed my BIL for no sex protection for 1 night with something he really wanted that costs a few thousands, and she got pregnant. He was beyond unbelievable but he had to accept that he would be a father. He loves their only daughter a lot. She probably planned for a long time in advance using those ovaluation stripes. She wanted another child, and no more chance.

I have another friend's husband did not want a kid because this was his second marriage and he already had a child from first marriage. My friend made it happen with " accident" with ooopsss... and they are happy married with a 10 year old son together.

I want to say that if you trust your husband really love you, then you could try to make it as an accident to get pregnant as long as you zip your lips to be quiet. There is ovaluation stripe, alcohol, sexy lingerine or whatever romantic things or bribes to make it happen...

THIS IS SO WRONG.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

It is selfish to even consider knowingly bringing a child into a family where the father does not want them.

I didn't say she should. She'll may need to decide between keeping her current partner and being alone forever.

What’s preventing her from finding a new partner? She may not be able to become pregnant but that’s another matter.

There's no guarantee she'll find someone knew or have a child.

That’s life. There are few guarantees. There is nothing to prevent OP from trying.

That's right. She could try, but things could end up worse.

Worse how?

What might happen that won’t happen if she remains in her present situation? She might not find a partner that wants a child? That’s her present situation.

Define worse.