My husband doesn't want kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is news to me, as we talked about it 100x during our engagement and I couldn't have been clearer with my plans and he agreed.
Do I break up with him, accept a shitty father (basically he said he will have kids but isn't invested), or accept no family for the rest of my life?
I am 31, only married for eight months, and already devastated. Has anyone else been through this?

The climate emergency we are experiencing as a planet means your husban is right and you are wrong, OP. The world does not revolve around you, you know.

+1

Today is the worst time in history to consider bringing a child into the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL did not want any kids before marriage. My SIL tricked and bribed my BIL for no sex protection for 1 night with something he really wanted that costs a few thousands, and she got pregnant. He was beyond unbelievable but he had to accept that he would be a father. He loves their only daughter a lot. She probably planned for a long time in advance using those ovaluation stripes. She wanted another child, and no more chance.

I have another friend's husband did not want a kid because this was his second marriage and he already had a child from first marriage. My friend made it happen with " accident" with ooopsss... and they are happy married with a 10 year old son together.

I want to say that if you trust your husband really love you, then you could try to make it as an accident to get pregnant as long as you zip your lips to be quiet. There is ovaluation stripe, alcohol, sexy lingerine or whatever romantic things or bribes to make it happen...

This is sleazy advice.
The issue, is, the guy baited and switched on her. What else will he flip on down the road?
He wasted a lot of her time too.
She should end it sooner than later and move on.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no one has focused on OPS language: “I couldn’t have been clearer and he agreed.” Note that she doesn’t say “and he said he wanted them too.“

Not so sure he “changed his mind.”

Who gives a shit? She’s 31 and can still have kids elsewhere!!! Run OP!!

I am not saying she should or shouldn’t. What I am saying is that it’s not necessarily fair to blame the guy. It sounds like OP went into the marriage with a lot of wishful thinking.

Who cares about blame. She is on the tail end of fertility and he is playing games and wasting her time.

But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

Huh? 31 is not the tail end of fertility. She has plenty of time, and suggesting she stay and actively have children with someone who specifically said they didn't want them is NOT a good plan.

Disagree, she doesn't have plenty of time. She does have time, but not plenty of it.
As in, don't wait for the decree, start dating again NOW.

[Anonymous]

Can you annul? He married under false pretenses. But get out now.

[Anonymous]

Not sure how this old post resurfaced, but divorce him already.
I know the actual process takes a while, so agree with what's already been said, start dating now.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read all the replies but you need to get out today and be very happy he didn’t make you pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read all the replies but you need to get out today and be very happy he didn’t make you pregnant.

+1

[Anonymous]

Have fun Op!

[Anonymous]

You could divorce him. But you need to prepare yourself for what is likely to happen. He will be remarried within 4 years and have a kid with new wife within 5 years.

[Anonymous]

I understand him. How long ago were you engaged? The world has changed a lot in the past 5 years, even in the past 2 months. It's not a stable time to have children, at least in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand him. How long ago were you engaged? The world has changed a lot in the past 5 years, even in the past 2 months. It's not a stable time to have children, at least in the US.

Yes, but why should she give up on her dream of a family. There is still some good out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand him. How long ago were you engaged? The world has changed a lot in the past 5 years, even in the past 2 months. It's not a stable time to have children, at least in the US.

Good thing this OP is not from current times then!

[Anonymous]

I never wanted children. I changed my mind at 34. It was the best the best decision of my life. But one of kids had multiple hospitalizations and it will follow him for life. This has been very difficult for all of us. No telling if this was due to my age.

[Anonymous]

I had a fiance who kept telling me to wait, he delayed sex and kept coming up with excuses. I left him and had a baby out of wedlock out of urgency. I was 37. I hate him for stealing my fertile years. My pregnancy was rough due to my age. I am so glad I had my kid. I love motherhood and wanted to be a mother despite all the difficulties. I am so glad I left him. He blames me for the breakup but won't admit that he strung me along. I am still hurt years later that he deceived me.

He never got married or had kids and lives out of a camper van, surfing and skiing. He really wanted another peter pan girlfriend. I don't know why he wasn't honest. He still dates girls online and even lies to them about his relationship goals.

Go meet someone who wants to be a father. Men can be VERY selfish and deceitful.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

It is selfish to even consider knowingly bringing a child into a family where the father does not want them.

I didn't say she should. She'll may need to decide between keeping her current partner and being alone forever.

What’s preventing her from finding a new partner? She may not be able to become pregnant but that’s another matter.

There's no guarantee she'll find someone knew or have a child.

That’s life. There are few guarantees. There is nothing to prevent OP from trying.

That's right. She could try, but things could end up worse.

Worse how?

What might happen that won’t happen if she remains in her present situation? She might not find a partner that wants a child? That’s her present situation.

Define worse.

She could end up alone.

Being alone doesn't sound worse than being married to someone who doesn't want your child.

I mean, look at all the threads on here about people whining about how their spouses do nothing, and they theoretically wanted kids. Many of them say they wished their spouse would just die. So again, being alone is what they're looking for.

Maybe it's just that you think having kids is the only thing anyone is ever meant to do so you put that above all else. I love my kids and I'm so happy we had them but I could also have a rich and fulfilling life without them, as many of my friends do.

dp

There has to be a connection between deciding to marry someone you've known for only about year (a very common timeline here) and having a spouse that ends up not contributing or not wanting the family (a very common complaint here).

Not really. The two couples in our friend group who had dated and been together the longest are the two that have divorced. My husband and I dated for about 14 months before getting engaged (and got married 6 months after that) and we're happily married almost 20 years later.