When do you tell kids about family money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When they are going to get the money is quite important. $500k invested in stocks should be about $20 million in 40 years when kids are ready to retire.
Why are your 2 and 5 million not going up? Can they go down?
Have them pick up financial literacy as a hobby.
This year was so good in the market that I doubled my money. So did many people who were hands on.
Knowing that this can be done and how to do it, is really cool.

$2M is in theirs in trust form now. Will continue to go up. They cannot access anything without trustee approval until 35.

You are right that the money from us is a conservative estimate based on modest growth. But maybe we’ll need it for something else or decide we don’t want to leave to them.

Then don't tell them until after they finish college and have a stable job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would teach my kids about no free money even though you know there will be free money.
I would also teach my kids about responsible spending as they start making money while in college. Teach them some investment techniques, trusts, life insurance and many more things. Expose them to reading about managing and investing. And when they do get the money, they don't go spending it frivolously. Also, teach them to find friends and partners that are not all about money, especially the spouse because there will be major friction if the spouse knows you will be getting that much in inheritance.

And I would not tell my kids they will get that much. I would not even mention the amount. If they ask, I would just say you may be getting something but I don't know how much.

I agree with most of this but once your kids are in their mid 30’s I think it is helpful for them to get a good sense for what might be on the horizon. This is helpful for them with their own planning for education and retirement planning. My parents never did this because their estate wasn’t large enough plus they had six children. Our kids are married, very responsible with good jobs so we can be more transparent with them than others might be.

This^^^. We are doing it sooner. I want my kids to know they don't have to worry about saving for their kid's education or for a massive downpayment. That coupled with us paying for college 100% means they are already very privileged and way ahead. But thankfully they largely save it. We want them to be able to take a job they love, even if it means slightly lower salary, and to buy that house in the great school district that means both mom and dad have a 10-15 min commute and thus more family time. What we don't want is for them to have no career aspirations and to waste away $$$$$ on just silly things. But the money will always be there for education, down payment (with in reason) and medical needs. But we already know they have great career aspirations and work hard. They live a comfortable life and largely save save save.
If we had a kid who wanted to spend $150K on a sports car at age 25, yet they only make $50K/year, we probably wouldn't gift them much money at that age. But if they are earning $600K/year and want to spend on that that is their choice

If my kid made $600k and spent $150k on a new car I’d assume he never learned anything from me. That’s not the way to build net worth. I made $900k just in dividends last year (I know this because I just completed our taxes) and I wouldn’t spend $150k on a new car.

I agree (I'm PP). But point is if they chose to do that while making that much, I wouldn't consider it outright "poor financial management". If that is their splurge in life, so be it.
However, I wouldn't continue to gift my kid $40-50K/year if they only made $50K and chose to do that. Point is they can easily afford that if they want at that income. Is it the best use of money? Not really but they can still be saving for retirement and their kids college and pay the mortgage and do that, then more power to them.

In reality, none of my kids would do something like that, because yes we have taught them well. They would rather watch it grow in investments.
And yes, they know that we wouldn't spend that much on a car (well, now that we are older and worth much more---made more than your dividends interest alone last year, and I sold my 14 yo car, I did spend 60% of that on a car, but will drive that car for another 10 years as well, and we make much more than $600K)

[Anonymous]

I would increase your charity giving considerably. You are hoarding wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it might be a humble brag but it is a good question. If you’re 21 and know at 30 you’re going to get $5 million it could depress any ambition you might have. I guarantee it would have depressed mine.

That why we don't let them get trust money until 37. I told my kids that my goal is to create happy, healthy, self sufficient adults. I stop at 'we'll pay for undergrad'. Truth is, well probably also pay for grad school, wedding, and downpayment on a home. They don't need to know this. I certainly don't want them to expect it. We picked 37 because their financial habits will be set and this is the time grandkids will be entering school and maybe they need a bigger home etc. Also, it would be clear at this point if the marriage was going to fail - even though I will encourage a prenump.

[Anonymous]

My only child, a 20-something, will eventually inherit 8 figures, and knows it. It seems to make no difference to his career planning or amibitions, as he knows that the timing of any such inheritance is totally uncertain. He also knows that a large net worth presently can diminish considerably in the future if his parents' long-term care needs so demand, and/or if the markets fail to live up to their historical promise. He is successfully making his own way in the world, and any inheritance will just be a bonus if and when it arrives on his doorstep.

That said, we have prepared him for adulthood in part by educating him all along about personal finance and investing, so he can sensibly and prudently manage his own financial affairs as well as, incidentally and unspoken, any money he may inherit in the future. He understands the benefits of risk management, of delayed gratification, of the time value of money, and other key financial concepts. He manages his own currently far more modest investments, including taxable and tax-free accounts, and his 401(k). He understands the potential value and risk of owning his employer's stock, and the benefits of buying such stock at a discount through an employee stock ownership program.

Preparing childrent to manage their own money prepares them to manage windfalls too, as long as they are grounded, not impulsive, and not susceptible to advice and requests from outsiders not worthy of their confidence. Knowing how to identify such outsiders is also part of a responsible parental education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are not wealthy in a way that kids know about it. We do go on nice vacations but middle class home/cars/clothes etc. Public school. Kids are not particularly spendy. I don’t think they ask for more than if we were a middle class family with ok assets. They do make judgements (not worth it at that price). We have told them that we will pay for college. Our eldest is at an Ivy with the concomitant costs. Our youngest will likely choose similar.

When do we start teaching them about how to deal with inheriting relatively large trusts. From their grandparents alone they will get $2M each. They don’t know about this. From us, they will likely inherit at least that much, probably closer $5M each. I wonder how we should be parenting differently to keep them grounded. Right how they are great kids - hard working and planning on taking care of themselves in the future - and I want to see it continue.

Not sure why you feel it necessary to coddle your kids with large amounts of inheritance. Are they incapable of making it on their own? Do they lack the skills, ability, and intellect to self-sustain? This is a parenting failure 101. “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” DH and I prefer the latter strategy and our kids have been better off for it.

You should be using your accumulation of wealth to establish scholarships for the greater good of society. This is what we have done. As a result, we have not only raised three fantastic, independent, and successful kids, but we’ve also funded full-ride scholarships for over 300 other rising young stars in the past 20 years. Wouldn’t you and your kids feel better having done that?

Wow! You shoud be less judgemental, but here you are standing on your soap box judging everyone else. Consider the possibility that different people might have different perspectives than you and you might be better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate posts like this. The OP is humblebragging plain and simple. It doesn’t matter how they live - their kids aren’t idiots. They know their parents and grandparents have money and that they stand to inherit it. There’s no way they don’t.

This and I seriously doubt you live in a middle class house and send your kid to an ivy. BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:News flash you are very wealthy.

Such a gross post. Bet OP calls herself middle class, too. And guessing the ivy her kid attends is Cornell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had an attorney who wanted us to provide the equivalent of a salary to each of our daughters in the event they wanted to SAHM.

(We only have daughters).

I couldn’t wrap my head around that. The lawyer thought it prevented husbands from “controlling the money since they made the income.”

I get what this attorney means. Having access to my family money definitely empowered me in my marriage and divorce. My exh hated it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had an attorney who wanted us to provide the equivalent of a salary to each of our daughters in the event they wanted to SAHM.

(We only have daughters).

I couldn’t wrap my head around that. The lawyer thought it prevented husbands from “controlling the money since they made the income.”

I get what this attorney means. Having access to my family money definitely empowered me in my marriage and divorce. My exh hated it.

But better yet, how about teaching your kids (male and female ) to be strong independent people who never have to "depend on a man or a woman". That encourages them to have a career, pick a good partner--one who isn't controlling because they make more or make it all if they become SAHP.
Basically empower or daughters and sons not to marry controlling as$holes.

[Anonymous]

From an early age we educated our kids about working hard, saving, living below their means and they listened! All three are late 30’s to 40 with HHI in the range of $600k to $1 million so they are doing great on their own. We are quite generous especially with 529 plans but we don’t indulge them. They know they will each inherit $10 million+ some day (it’s already in trusts outside our estate) but I’m glad that they are really determined to build their own net worth as we did. I think that their children and ultimately their grandchildren will be the real beneficiaries of our estate. FWIW, if they have a real need they can tap into the trusts now but they don’t need it and want to see it grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to worry about it. The grandparents 2M isn’t really that much. And the 5M each is so far off that it doesn’t matter. It could be a lot more or nothing at all.

Telling your kids anything about it is silly and pretentious, as if you’re telling Simba that he’s inheriting the Serengeti.

Just raise them normally and stop telling everyone they’re sore losers because 2 generations of your family together are worth a whopping 14M (maybe).

This. We are leaving our child way more than this combined. They don’t know the extent of it, but they know it’s a lot. They also know there are no free rides in our house. They will have a job (though they wouldn’t need to). Some people may find it “controlling” but I don’t believe anyone should be without a job or the ability to work toward something. I believe that is what is best for my kid. Now if they want everything else: the house, the vacation house, trips, and private schools- they can have that. But they aren’t going to sit around all day. Or do some crappy low level job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would increase your charity giving considerably. You are hoarding wealth.

You literally have NO CLUE how much they are giving to charities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would increase your charity giving considerably. You are hoarding wealth.

You literally have NO CLUE how much they are giving to charities

If their children will have 2 trust funds of $2-6M each, it’s not enough.

[Anonymous]

I knew at 13 I would get some money after my great grandfather died. I got it when I turned 18 . At 20 I got more once my great grandmother died and at 40 I got more once my grandpa died. I should get more after my grandma and parents and aunt pass. At 40 I decided to retire early. I have since gone back to work very part time to stay busy . My family has always been frugal. No one would ever know how much we are worth.