When do you tell kids about family money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate posts like this. The OP is humblebragging plain and simple. It doesn’t matter how they live - their kids aren’t idiots. They know their parents and grandparents have money and that they stand to inherit it. There’s no way they don’t.

Not necessarily. I grew up solidly middle class but have done well as an adult - to tune of having $10mm at 46.

We still live in the house we bought in 2013. Have 2 Chevrolets in the garage. We fly premium economy on United.

My children have no idea how much money we have.

The the OP - I’d suggest not direct giving until they are married with children of their own. You can help with school, help with down payment, first car, etc, but don’t give them money until they are more established. The risk is all your money ends up their nose if they are given a lot of money too soon.

If someone gave me $2mm when I was 25, it would have been a disaster. If someone gave me $2mm now, it would become part of my portfolio.

Is this considered a lot of $$? Just curious bc that’s is not in my circle.

Weird. I know people with 9 figure net worths who consider a 2M lump sum to be significant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how people get so wealthy. I'm an immigrant and came to this country on my own with no money, dh comes from no money. I'd say we do well, in the sense we never have to worry about having money to pay for what we need, we have savings, we invest...But I don't see us ever getting to the levels described here.

Wealth requires time and discipline. The quote, "Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it. He who doesn't, pays it," is often attributed to Albert Einstein. it means that money grows over time. The more money you can put to work, and the longer you have within which it can grow, the wealthier you'll be at the end of the day.

You have to live well below your means, with the money not spent working for you in prudent investments likely to outpace inflation with an acceptable level of volatility over many years. Over time, your investments, and your wealth, will grow. The more $ you put to work the more you'll have later on. Patience is key. Start early, reap the rewards in retirement. The more you can invest, the bigger the rewards. So earning more and spending less accelerates the process.

I don't think that is it alone. I've been doing this for a long time. Maybe when I get to 60 I will feel that way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how people get so wealthy. I'm an immigrant and came to this country on my own with no money, dh comes from no money. I'd say we do well, in the sense we never have to worry about having money to pay for what we need, we have savings, we invest...But I don't see us ever getting to the levels described here.

Wealth requires time and discipline. The quote, "Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it. He who doesn't, pays it," is often attributed to Albert Einstein. it means that money grows over time. The more money you can put to work, and the longer you have within which it can grow, the wealthier you'll be at the end of the day.

You have to live well below your means, with the money not spent working for you in prudent investments likely to outpace inflation with an acceptable level of volatility over many years. Over time, your investments, and your wealth, will grow. The more $ you put to work the more you'll have later on. Patience is key. Start early, reap the rewards in retirement. The more you can invest, the bigger the rewards. So earning more and spending less accelerates the process.

I don't think that is it alone. I've been doing this for a long time. Maybe when I get to 60 I will feel that way!

It truly does just depend on time, amounts invested, and what you invest in. If you're unable to invest very much, the value will increase, but not to as large a sum as would otherwise be the case. And the longer the time during which investments can grow, the larger the end result. If you invest very conservatively, the rate of growth will be lower than it could be. Here's a good illustration: https://www.visualcapitalist.com/growth-of-100-by-asset-class-1970-2023/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how people get so wealthy. I'm an immigrant and came to this country on my own with no money, dh comes from no money. I'd say we do well, in the sense we never have to worry about having money to pay for what we need, we have savings, we invest...But I don't see us ever getting to the levels described here.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/14/opinion/sunday/rich-happiness-big-data.html

The study didn’t tell us about the small number of well-known tech and shopping billionaires but instead about the more than 140,000 Americans who earn more than $1.58 million per year. The researchers found that the typical rich American is, in their words, the owner of a “regional business,” such as an “auto dealer” or a “beverage distributor.”
...
First, rich people own. Among members of the top 0.1 percent, the researchers found, about three times as many make the majority of their income from owning a business as from being paid a wage. Salaries don’t make people rich nearly as often as equity does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've told my kids from their early teens that we have a stock portfolio and that it's virtual money, but barring Act of God (and there could very well be one), one day some of it will be theirs. Right now there's 20M. They understand the basics of the market. They understand it can be wiped out in a second, or grow to 100M+ easily. They understand eldercare costs an arm and a leg. They understand there are other beneficiaries than just them.

They are frugal people, since our disposable income is actually rather low, and have good financial judgment. No reason not to tell them.

My grandfather retired at 50 years old. He told his two children and his four grandchildren that there would be no reason for him and grandma to hold on to their money until they died. He died forty years after retirement at 90 years old last year. For forty years he took care of his elderly relatives, he gifted maximum amounts of cash, private schools, medical and educational expenses for special needs child, four college educations recently, bought two houses, numerous cars, and irrevocable trusts for the grandchildren leaving the not having to work but they all do work middle class jobs.

The reason I’m writing this is after 40 years of retirement and giving hundreds of thousands of dollars every year to his family members and others he still left behind $25 million in a generational skipping trust. He was able to give massive amounts away every year and still add growth to his accounts for 40 years.

I’m just wondering why you think your $20 million dollars might be wiped out? Someone would have to make some stupid mistakes to wipe it out. When you have money it will make money. Unless you’re prone to believe these schemes that promise to triple your value in 30 days it’s doubtful you’ll lose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would teach my kids about no free money even though you know there will be free money.
I would also teach my kids about responsible spending as they start making money while in college. Teach them some investment techniques, trusts, life insurance and many more things. Expose them to reading about managing and investing. And when they do get the money, they don't go spending it frivolously. Also, teach them to find friends and partners that are not all about money, especially the spouse because there will be major friction if the spouse knows you will be getting that much in inheritance.

And I would not tell my kids they will get that much. I would not even mention the amount. If they ask, I would just say you may be getting something but I don't know how much.

I agree with most of this but once your kids are in their mid 30’s I think it is helpful for them to get a good sense for what might be on the horizon. This is helpful for them with their own planning for education and retirement planning. My parents never did this because their estate wasn’t large enough plus they had six children. Our kids are married, very responsible with good jobs so we can be more transparent with them than others might be.

This^^^. We are doing it sooner. I want my kids to know they don't have to worry about saving for their kid's education or for a massive downpayment. That coupled with us paying for college 100% means they are already very privileged and way ahead. But thankfully they largely save it. We want them to be able to take a job they love, even if it means slightly lower salary, and to buy that house in the great school district that means both mom and dad have a 10-15 min commute and thus more family time. What we don't want is for them to have no career aspirations and to waste away $$$$$ on just silly things. But the money will always be there for education, down payment (with in reason) and medical needs. But we already know they have great career aspirations and work hard. They live a comfortable life and largely save save save.
If we had a kid who wanted to spend $150K on a sports car at age 25, yet they only make $50K/year, we probably wouldn't gift them much money at that age. But if they are earning $600K/year and want to spend on that that is their choice

If my kid made $600k and spent $150k on a new car I’d assume he never learned anything from me. That’s not the way to build net worth. I made $900k just in dividends last year (I know this because I just completed our taxes) and I wouldn’t spend $150k on a new car.

If you have over $30M (assuming based on your 900k dividends) and feel like you can’t spend $150k on something that will bring you a lot of joy, whether it’s a car or something else, then you’re a fool.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t make it through the whole thread but my dc and his cousins have trusts as well - get the principal at age 35. He’s still pretty young. My parents already told the older cousins about it and they’re kinda annoying about it already. My plan is try to raise my son to be responsible about money and not buy into all the keeping up with the joneses I see in this area so he doesn’t blow through it.

[Anonymous]

We had our kids young and they are presently in middle/elementary school, so we live pretty modestly because we are early 40s and started earning seven figures three years ago. We live in the house we bought eight years ago when we made about $800K less than we do now and we drive Subarus that are over six years old. We do not take fancy vacations, but our kids go to private school. My husband has a trust that he can’t access until his parents’ death, but between our personal investments, retirement accounts, his trust, and his parents’ estate, we will likely be able to give our three children upwards of $20m each starting in their 30s. They would all inherit at least that upon our deaths too, likely much more.

We’re not saying anything to our kids until they are in their late 20s/early 30s and established. I’m happy to help them max out their 401Ks starting with their first job and all of their higher education will be paid for, but I want them to feel responsible for their success. I would be happy to help them buy a home, but only after 29. If they want a home sooner they can buy it with money they earn. My husband’s parents sold a business and came into lots of money when he was in college. We both clawed our way up various corporate hierarchies, still are, and lived in really bad New York apartments with 2+ roommates while doing that. I would definitely be willing to help our kids avoid some of those bad apartment situations, but we believe living within your income in your early 20s gives you a lot of perspective, and with no student loans they should be more than capable of doing that. I would also talk to a trust lawyer to carve out what can be paid for by the trust. I would much rather it be education/health/housing, which would significantly reduce their burn rate while providing ample incentive for them to grind if they want the finer things.

[Anonymous]

My parents began to share their estate information once my siblings and I hit 30, were married and doing well with our careers. That’s also when very generous annual gifting began plus they have funded 529s for all of the grandchildren. If the annual gifts began in my early 20s it might have depressed my ambition so I’m glad they waited. We are now all in our late 30s and it’s likely we will each inherit a substantial sum but we are all doing well so in no way are we deprived. I do know that if there was suddenly a real need my parents would be there in a minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had our kids young and they are presently in middle/elementary school, so we live pretty modestly because we are early 40s and started earning seven figures three years ago. We live in the house we bought eight years ago when we made about $800K less than we do now and we drive Subarus that are over six years old. We do not take fancy vacations, but our kids go to private school. My husband has a trust that he can’t access until his parents’ death, but between our personal investments, retirement accounts, his trust, and his parents’ estate, we will likely be able to give our three children upwards of $20m each starting in their 30s. They would all inherit at least that upon our deaths too, likely much more.

We’re not saying anything to our kids until they are in their late 20s/early 30s and established. I’m happy to help them max out their 401Ks starting with their first job and all of their higher education will be paid for, but I want them to feel responsible for their success. I would be happy to help them buy a home, but only after 29. If they want a home sooner they can buy it with money they earn. My husband’s parents sold a business and came into lots of money when he was in college. We both clawed our way up various corporate hierarchies, still are, and lived in really bad New York apartments with 2+ roommates while doing that. I would definitely be willing to help our kids avoid some of those bad apartment situations, but we believe living within your income in your early 20s gives you a lot of perspective, and with no student loans they should be more than capable of doing that. I would also talk to a trust lawyer to carve out what can be paid for by the trust. I would much rather it be education/health/housing, which would significantly reduce their burn rate while providing ample incentive for them to grind if they want the finer things.

Subaru's are pricy. Your kids know you are rich. Be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had our kids young and they are presently in middle/elementary school, so we live pretty modestly because we are early 40s and started earning seven figures three years ago. We live in the house we bought eight years ago when we made about $800K less than we do now and we drive Subarus that are over six years old. We do not take fancy vacations, but our kids go to private school. My husband has a trust that he can’t access until his parents’ death, but between our personal investments, retirement accounts, his trust, and his parents’ estate, we will likely be able to give our three children upwards of $20m each starting in their 30s. They would all inherit at least that upon our deaths too, likely much more.

We’re not saying anything to our kids until they are in their late 20s/early 30s and established. I’m happy to help them max out their 401Ks starting with their first job and all of their higher education will be paid for, but I want them to feel responsible for their success. I would be happy to help them buy a home, but only after 29. If they want a home sooner they can buy it with money they earn. My husband’s parents sold a business and came into lots of money when he was in college. We both clawed our way up various corporate hierarchies, still are, and lived in really bad New York apartments with 2+ roommates while doing that. I would definitely be willing to help our kids avoid some of those bad apartment situations, but we believe living within your income in your early 20s gives you a lot of perspective, and with no student loans they should be more than capable of doing that. I would also talk to a trust lawyer to carve out what can be paid for by the trust. I would much rather it be education/health/housing, which would significantly reduce their burn rate while providing ample incentive for them to grind if they want the finer things.

Subaru's are pricy. Your kids know you are rich. Be real.

NP, a Subaru Forester costs about $35,000. I bought one a few months ago and I love it. I am not rich!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are in their 30s, married and doing very well career wise. We are very generous with them but not enough to spoil them or dissuade them from succeeding on their own. But, when my husbands parents died he turned down his inheritance and had it go directly to our kids because we didn’t need it and it would really benefit them. It was about $300k per child. We have been very generous funding 529 plans, likely enough to pay for college or close to it. We have set up irrevocable trusts so they will each inherit a lot of money but since we are each the trustee of each others trust if a real need came up the trusts can be used well before we pass. We told them a few years ago roughly how much was in the trusts and I’m sure they’re worth a lot more now.

Is this true? If your spouse is the trustee you can “easily” get money out of an irrevocable trust while still alive? And the kids are the only beneficiaries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate posts like this. The OP is humblebragging plain and simple. It doesn’t matter how they live - their kids aren’t idiots. They know their parents and grandparents have money and that they stand to inherit it. There’s no way they don’t.

Not necessarily. I grew up solidly middle class but have done well as an adult - to tune of having $10mm at 46.

We still live in the house we bought in 2013. Have 2 Chevrolets in the garage. We fly premium economy on United.

My children have no idea how much money we have.

The the OP - I’d suggest not direct giving until they are married with children of their own. You can help with school, help with down payment, first car, etc, but don’t give them money until they are more established. The risk is all your money ends up their nose if they are given a lot of money too soon.

If someone gave me $2mm when I was 25, it would have been a disaster. If someone gave me $2mm now, it would become part of my portfolio.

Is this considered a lot of $$? Just curious bc that’s is not in my circle.

You can retire at any age with $10mm.

That’s $300,000 a year withdrawing 3%.

Yeah so? you can’t pick out any house or apartment anywhere. You’ll be a cash buyer once over age 65.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes i know I sound obnoxious and this is why I could never discuss the topic in real life. And can only do this anonymously.

To answer some questions, neither of us grew up rich. Grandparents made their money later in life (after our kids were in elementary school and we had didn’t need extra money). Don’t get me wrong - they did everything right. Gave their kids an appreciation for the value of hard work and a debt free education. They (both sets of grandparents) were wonderful. One set made enough later in life to set up the $2m trusts for their grandchildren. So we were raised very well but without any expectation of generational family wealth. So I can’t look to our experiences when we think about what to do with our kids.

I don’t expect to tell my kids how much they stand to inherit right away because I want them in their 20’s to work hard to establish themselves. I do wonder how people prepare kids to think about using money appropriately as a tool. What do you talk about? How do you teach them responsibility? Instill a strong work ethic? But with the knowledge that they will have to manage substantial funds earlier in life than they earn it.

You keep acting like this is some massive wealth that will mean they’d be tempted to not work if they knew about it now. It’s not that much money. You’re overthinking it. Don’t talk them about it at all. It’s your money, it’s not their business until it’s their money. When you pass they can figure it out.

Um, if I were a confused 25 year old, unhappy with my job, knowing I had $2 mill would absolutely impact my choices. I don’t think every young adult would rationally assess that $2 milll isn’t enough to change their lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a ridiculous humble brag. Just insanely ridiculous. Do you really feel superior after writing this? Because you don’t sound superior, you sound pathetic.

I think she sounded superior with that big word.