When do you tell kids about family money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes i know I sound obnoxious and this is why I could never discuss the topic in real life. And can only do this anonymously.

To answer some questions, neither of us grew up rich. Grandparents made their money later in life (after our kids were in elementary school and we had didn’t need extra money). Don’t get me wrong - they did everything right. Gave their kids an appreciation for the value of hard work and a debt free education. They (both sets of grandparents) were wonderful. One set made enough later in life to set up the $2m trusts for their grandchildren. So we were raised very well but without any expectation of generational family wealth. So I can’t look to our experiences when we think about what to do with our kids.

I don’t expect to tell my kids how much they stand to inherit right away because I want them in their 20’s to work hard to establish themselves. I do wonder how people prepare kids to think about using money appropriately as a tool. What do you talk about? How do you teach them responsibility? Instill a strong work ethic? But with the knowledge that they will have to manage substantial funds earlier in life than they earn it.

You keep acting like this is some massive wealth that will mean they’d be tempted to not work if they knew about it now. It’s not that much money. You’re overthinking it. Don’t talk them about it at all. It’s your money, it’s not their business until it’s their money. When you pass they can figure it out.

Um, if I were a confused 25 year old, unhappy with my job, knowing I had $2 mill would absolutely impact my choices. I don’t think every young adult would rationally assess that $2 milll isn’t enough to change their lifestyle.

2 mil would change most people’s ambitions for sure. Would change my life if I inherited 2M now at 30, which if I added it to my current 1.3M would become over 3 and then would have a decent chance of being $6M at 40. I wouldn’t need to worry about earning lots of money since the nest egg would be large enough to compound like crazy on its own. I could quit and find a chill career. I wouldn’t worry about AI automating us all out of a job. Life would be so much easier with another 2M right now

[Anonymous]

You don’t jsut “get” money. Usually there are access rules like use it for higher ed, weddings, primary homes, grandchildren private school tuition, health emergencies. Then at some age maybe an allowance or full discretion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are in their 30s, married and doing very well career wise. We are very generous with them but not enough to spoil them or dissuade them from succeeding on their own. But, when my husbands parents died he turned down his inheritance and had it go directly to our kids because we didn’t need it and it would really benefit them. It was about $300k per child. We have been very generous funding 529 plans, likely enough to pay for college or close to it. We have set up irrevocable trusts so they will each inherit a lot of money but since we are each the trustee of each others trust if a real need came up the trusts can be used well before we pass. We told them a few years ago roughly how much was in the trusts and I’m sure they’re worth a lot more now.

Is this true? If your spouse is the trustee you can “easily” get money out of an irrevocable trust while still alive? And the kids are the only beneficiaries?

I don’t know. Anyone?

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t look easy to get money out of an irrevocable trust while alive….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes i know I sound obnoxious and this is why I could never discuss the topic in real life. And can only do this anonymously.

To answer some questions, neither of us grew up rich. Grandparents made their money later in life (after our kids were in elementary school and we had didn’t need extra money). Don’t get me wrong - they did everything right. Gave their kids an appreciation for the value of hard work and a debt free education. They (both sets of grandparents) were wonderful. One set made enough later in life to set up the $2m trusts for their grandchildren. So we were raised very well but without any expectation of generational family wealth. So I can’t look to our experiences when we think about what to do with our kids.

I don’t expect to tell my kids how much they stand to inherit right away because I want them in their 20’s to work hard to establish themselves. I do wonder how people prepare kids to think about using money appropriately as a tool. What do you talk about? How do you teach them responsibility? Instill a strong work ethic? But with the knowledge that they will have to manage substantial funds earlier in life than they earn it.

You keep acting like this is some massive wealth that will mean they’d be tempted to not work if they knew about it now. It’s not that much money. You’re overthinking it. Don’t talk them about it at all. It’s your money, it’s not their business until it’s their money. When you pass they can figure it out.

Um, if I were a confused 25 year old, unhappy with my job, knowing I had $2 mill would absolutely impact my choices. I don’t think every young adult would rationally assess that $2 milll isn’t enough to change their lifestyle.

2 mil would change most people’s ambitions for sure. Would change my life if I inherited 2M now at 30, which if I added it to my current 1.3M would become over 3 and then would have a decent chance of being $6M at 40. I wouldn’t need to worry about earning lots of money since the nest egg would be large enough to compound like crazy on its own. I could quit and find a chill career. I wouldn’t worry about AI automating us all out of a job. Life would be so much easier with another 2M right now

This!! It definately lets you make different choices....a job you really like, a house that has a shorter commute so you can spend more time with family, knowing you don't have to worry about retirement and can just save for kids college

[Anonymous]

In my mid-forties, I learned the approximate size of my parents'' estate, but it doesn't really matter because they aren't giving anything away until they both die, and by then I'll hopefully be super old, too. My kids will benefit, and in a way, it's nice to know that I can spend most of what I earn because my kids will stand to inherit from their grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Never. We are in a similar situation, though I don’t know exact dollar figures on inheritances (but I can easily see what my parents properties are worth, and I’m an only child). I don’t tell my kids about it. I want my kids to learn and continue to develop a strong work ethic (as it sounds like OPs kids have), and plus, nothing in life is guaranteed. Your parents may need more than expected for elder care, or any other number of things may come up. They may live to 110, and you may not see those funds for 30 or 40 years. Whatever the case, I think it’s important for my children to learn to provide for themselves, and eventually their families. Let’s face it, $2M is a nice bonus but it’s not like they’ll be set for life. On the flip side, my late uncle always talked up to his kids how much money they would get. Their attitude, as a result, was to not worry about money in the least. They have always spent beyond their means and now that they have received said inheritance, the money is rapidly being spent/dissapearing. It’s really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are in their 30s, married and doing very well career wise. We are very generous with them but not enough to spoil them or dissuade them from succeeding on their own. But, when my husbands parents died he turned down his inheritance and had it go directly to our kids because we didn’t need it and it would really benefit them. It was about $300k per child. We have been very generous funding 529 plans, likely enough to pay for college or close to it. We have set up irrevocable trusts so they will each inherit a lot of money but since we are each the trustee of each others trust if a real need came up the trusts can be used well before we pass. We told them a few years ago roughly how much was in the trusts and I’m sure they’re worth a lot more now.

Is this true? If your spouse is the trustee you can “easily” get money out of an irrevocable trust while still alive? And the kids are the only beneficiaries?

I don’t know. Anyone?

Yes this is true. You have to trust your spouse and of course don’t get divorced.

The irrevocability has to do with the inability to change how the trust operates, but it’s common for couples to name each other the trustee for each person’s irrevocable trust…normally the trust gets funded if one spouse dies, but then the other spouse becomes the trustee of your trust and can use the money.

Nothing stopping anyone from funding it when both are alive.

[Anonymous]

We're in our 60s. Our four kids are in their 30s and 40s. They know we're comfortable (we retired early and live well) but they don't really know how much or how little we have (currently close to $10 million) and it's frankly none of their business. They also don't ask and the subject never comes up. They were raised in comfortable surroundings and absolutely knew we earned good money but that didn't stop them from working hard and making their own way. We've helped them considerably over the years (college, down payments, nice weddings, child care, etc.) and they've always appreciated it very much. I see no reason to share our finances in detail with them.

[Anonymous]

Omg I hate DCUM sometimes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg I hate DCUM sometimes

Why?

You have a problem with educated, dual income couples working from age 22-60 and saving and investing their surplus income?