Should I assume my parents won’t help with the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but there's no culture where you have to have a $40K wedding. You picked a woman who wants to spend a lot of money on a wedding, but there are a lot of couples of all different cultures who spend way-way less. In fact I don't think anyone but Americans would even think of a $40K wedding.

This 40k includes our rings, honeymoon, and dress/suit. So it’s really like a 30k wedding. This is cheaper than my parents wedding if you plug into an inflation calculator which didn’t seem fancy at all.

This is very much in line with a typical American wedding from everything I’ve researched. I think you’re delusional about what’s normal, maybe you got married in the 90’s. Or you are just lucky to be super frugal and married to someone else who is also frugal who doesn’t care about weddings. Almost all women in their 20’s are going to have an issue with doing a courthouse or backyard wedding, that is just reality.

This isn't even close to true. Are you a man trying to mansplain women's wants or are you an insecure bride who is desperate to justify this wedding? Either way it's a bad look, but it might help us give better answers.

What is true? How many backyard or courthouse weddings have you been to?

You said "almost all women in their 20's will have a problem" with these, why do you presume to speak for "almost all women in their 20's"? Where are you getting your information? How many weddings have you been to? It doesnt sound like many at all.

I didn’t say that at all there’s more than one poster here. But insisting that it’s not even close to true that many people want a courthouse wedding. I call BS on that. Turns out, a few years ago 3-4% of weddings were at a courthouse. Seems actually pretty close to true that that’s not what most brides or grooms want. Why are you making up your own facts?

https://www.reuters.com/article/markets/wealth/in-defense-of-the-courthouse-wedding-idUSKBN0O61O9/#:~:text=Courthouse%20and%20city%20hall%20ceremonies,industry%20resource%20The%20Wedding%20Report.

I'm not sure a 10 year old article is the slam dunk you think it is, but it also doesn't include backyard weddings, which OP also sh*t on. I take issue with anyone (especially a man) telling other women what "almost all women" want.

Saying - quoted directly from OP - "Almost all women in their 20’s are going to have an issue with doing a courthouse or backyard wedding, that is just reality" is making up facts. Not "almost all women" will have an issue with this. Not "almost all women" want to blow a huge chunk of their own money on a one day party. In fact there is a recent thread on dcum about simple weddings and finding lifelong happiness. The average cost of weddings is HIGH, but it's also directly affected by the few people who have very very expensive weddings ($500k+).

Unless you find a source to back up your claims about what most women want, it’s just a bunch of hot air and your opinion. There’s data that clearly says few couples are going the court house route that you claimed was more popular than it is. Prove it wrong. Clearly most couples are planning different kinds of weddings. $40K is not an extreme amount for a wedding in 2024. It’s coming across as very smug and let them eat cake kind of way that people should plan the wedding you think they deserve or should have.

I have no claims about what most women want, because I don't know most women. I would never make such an asinine statement. I never claimed courthouse weddings are super duper popular, please don't make up words that aren't in my post. For your last sentence - I disagree. I think people should plan whatever wedding they want, and not blame "what most women want" on the reason why. Shouldn't weddings be about the couple involved, not "almost all women"? Is he blaming not wanting a cheaper wedding because thats what "almost all women" want? I don't get it. It's an unnecessary statement.

Would some women have a problem with it? Sure. Would many not? Sure. That's literally it. I'm not sure why you feel triggered by my comment enough to derail the thread to this degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Thank you, you worded this much better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

Do you not understand how averages work? Do you think a few $500k+ weddings might skew these numbers? Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/personal-loans/average-wedding-cost/

On average, 52% of Americans spend less than $10,000 on their wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

Do you not understand how averages work? Do you think a few $500k+ weddings might skew these numbers? Good lord.

Please share a single fact that backs up any opinion you have. You seem woefully out of touch and uninformed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

Do you not understand how averages work? Do you think a few $500k+ weddings might skew these numbers? Good lord.

Please share a single fact that backs up any opinion you have. You seem woefully out of touch and uninformed.

Says someone who doesn't understand basic math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/personal-loans/average-wedding-cost/

On average, 52% of Americans spend less than $10,000 on their wedding.

Interesting but it was based on only 2000 survey respondents. And also in the article it says: As of 2023, the average wedding cost — including both the ceremony and reception — was $35,000, according to The Knot. The $33000 number was based on 7000 survey respondents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/personal-loans/average-wedding-cost/

On average, 52% of Americans spend less than $10,000 on their wedding.

Interesting but it was based on only 2000 survey respondents. And also in the article it says: As of 2023, the average wedding cost — including both the ceremony and reception — was $35,000, according to The Knot. The $33000 number was based on 7000 survey respondents.

Yes - the average is $33,000. But the majority is less than $10,000. So that means a few larger, expensive weddings have skewed the average, since MOST of the weddings surveyed were not even close to that. Goodness, do you need someone to lay it out with blocks or apples or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

Do you not understand how averages work? Do you think a few $500k+ weddings might skew these numbers? Good lord.

Please share a single fact that backs up any opinion you have. You seem woefully out of touch and uninformed.

Says someone who doesn't understand basic math.

It’s an average based on survey respondents. Why do you presume the survey skews to the $500K wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/personal-loans/average-wedding-cost/

On average, 52% of Americans spend less than $10,000 on their wedding.

Interesting but it was based on only 2000 survey respondents. And also in the article it says: As of 2023, the average wedding cost — including both the ceremony and reception — was $35,000, according to The Knot. The $33000 number was based on 7000 survey respondents.

Yes - the average is $33,000. But the majority is less than $10,000. So that means a few larger, expensive weddings have skewed the average, since MOST of the weddings surveyed were not even close to that. Goodness, do you need someone to lay it out with blocks or apples or something?

I guess you assume the sample was evenly distributed across the entire population. Do you think the millionaire and billionaires were filling out Knot.com surveys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/personal-loans/average-wedding-cost/

On average, 52% of Americans spend less than $10,000 on their wedding.

Interesting but it was based on only 2000 survey respondents. And also in the article it says: As of 2023, the average wedding cost — including both the ceremony and reception — was $35,000, according to The Knot. The $33000 number was based on 7000 survey respondents.

As others have stated already, average is a pretty dumb way to analyze wedding costs, because it can be so skewed by high outliers, and studies consistently show that most Americans have much cheaper weddings than the "average" wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/personal-loans/average-wedding-cost/

On average, 52% of Americans spend less than $10,000 on their wedding.

Interesting but it was based on only 2000 survey respondents. And also in the article it says: As of 2023, the average wedding cost — including both the ceremony and reception — was $35,000, according to The Knot. The $33000 number was based on 7000 survey respondents.

Yes - the average is $33,000. But the majority is less than $10,000. So that means a few larger, expensive weddings have skewed the average, since MOST of the weddings surveyed were not even close to that. Goodness, do you need someone to lay it out with blocks or apples or something?

I guess you assume the sample was evenly distributed across the entire population. Do you think the millionaire and billionaires were filling out Knot.com surveys?

The flipside of this is that people having very cheap weddings don't really need to use The Knot and won't be in their survey populations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

Do you not understand how averages work? Do you think a few $500k+ weddings might skew these numbers? Good lord.

Please share a single fact that backs up any opinion you have. You seem woefully out of touch and uninformed.

Says someone who doesn't understand basic math.

It’s an average based on survey respondents. Why do you presume the survey skews to the $500K wedding?

It's not that the survey skews to it, it's that one $500K wedding will blow up the calculation of the average.

Check out this post: https://silkstemcollective.com/median-and-average-wedding-cost/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/personal-loans/average-wedding-cost/

On average, 52% of Americans spend less than $10,000 on their wedding.

Interesting but it was based on only 2000 survey respondents. And also in the article it says: As of 2023, the average wedding cost — including both the ceremony and reception — was $35,000, according to The Knot. The $33000 number was based on 7000 survey respondents.

Yes - the average is $33,000. But the majority is less than $10,000. So that means a few larger, expensive weddings have skewed the average, since MOST of the weddings surveyed were not even close to that. Goodness, do you need someone to lay it out with blocks or apples or something?

I guess you assume the sample was evenly distributed across the entire population. Do you think the millionaire and billionaires were filling out Knot.com surveys?

The flipside of this is that people having very cheap weddings don't really need to use The Knot and won't be in their survey populations.

I guess you’ve never been on the Knot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, let's say $40K is not extreme for a wedding in 2024, and it probably isn't. Unless you cannot pay for it and need to ask parents/relatives/take out a loan! I think other PP, me included, are trying to say that cheaper weddings are OK. It's doesn't have to be at a courthouse (say $100) and it doesn't have to be $40K. Most people fall somewhere in-between. And if OP's parents didn't pay for college and didn't help out with a down payment, AND are groom's parents (not bride's, who don't traditionally pay, so they very likely never considered it), they're not going to pay anything. I mean it would be strange for a groom to go ask his parents for money saying that his bride wants a $40K wedding, but her and her parents have no money for it.

Actually “most” people don’t fall somewhere in between. The 2024 average cost is $33,000. Most people are closer to $40,000 than $100.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-loans/average-cost-of-a-wedding/

Do you not understand how averages work? Do you think a few $500k+ weddings might skew these numbers? Good lord.

Please share a single fact that backs up any opinion you have. You seem woefully out of touch and uninformed.

Says someone who doesn't understand basic math.

It’s an average based on survey respondents. Why do you presume the survey skews to the $500K wedding?

It's not that the survey skews to it, it's that one $500K wedding will blow up the calculation of the average.

Check out this post: https://silkstemcollective.com/median-and-average-wedding-cost/

Then the answer is we can’t possibly know what “most” people spend on their wedding.