Should I assume my parents won’t help with the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I’d come right out and ask if they wanted to contribute any money towards the wedding/reception. But I was always close enough with my parents that I could do that. I would have been ok if they didn’t contribute or contributed less than they did.

Can you just tell them that you are working on the budget for your wedding and wanted to know if they were planning on contributing anything?

Since they are UMC, it is pretty common for parents to chip in.

Might be common to chip in, but extremely tacky to "come right out and ask" for money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your relationship with them and the traditions in your family, OP. Do you have any siblings who had weddings before you? Any cousins whose weddings were paid for by your aunts and uncles?

We have a pretty good relationship, I visit and call them all the time. I know for a fact their wedding was paid for by my grandparents (they told me a few years ago) and my cousins weddings were most definitely paid for by their parents because there’s no way they could afford them without crippling debt (6 figure weddings and they weren’t making a lot at the time). I don’t know, I don’t want to sound entitled but it seems weird my parents haven’t really helped with life costs while they had theirs paid for by the previous generation. I had student loans upon graduation and didn’t get any help paying for my first house. My parents were gifted significant amounts by their parents when they were my age. I’ve had to do it all alone.

[Anonymous]

This is silly. Call them.

Hi mom, Hi dad. We're knee deep in wedding planning and wanted to know if we could count on you guys chipping any funds to help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I’d come right out and ask if they wanted to contribute any money towards the wedding/reception. But I was always close enough with my parents that I could do that. I would have been ok if they didn’t contribute or contributed less than they did.

Can you just tell them that you are working on the budget for your wedding and wanted to know if they were planning on contributing anything?

Since they are UMC, it is pretty common for parents to chip in.

My mother told me they were paying for half, but it turns out she was drunk and didn't remember saying this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is UMC depending on who you ask. We are planning the wedding and my parents haven’t said anything about helping to pay for it. I don’t want to ask since it would be awkward. We don’t exactly need it but it would definitely help. It’s probably going to be about 40k. My fiances family is probably going to give a couple thousand.

Should I just assume my parents won’t give us anything if they didn’t bring it up?

Are they exerting control over the guest list etc. If they see it as an opportunity to entertain and impress their friends they should contribute. If they don't, you should be in control of who to invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your relationship with them and the traditions in your family, OP. Do you have any siblings who had weddings before you? Any cousins whose weddings were paid for by your aunts and uncles?

We have a pretty good relationship, I visit and call them all the time. I know for a fact their wedding was paid for by my grandparents (they told me a few years ago) and my cousins weddings were most definitely paid for by their parents because there’s no way they could afford them without crippling debt (6 figure weddings and they weren’t making a lot at the time). I don’t know, I don’t want to sound entitled but it seems weird my parents haven’t really helped with life costs while they had theirs paid for by the previous generation. I had student loans upon graduation and didn’t get any help paying for my first house. My parents were gifted significant amounts by their parents when they were my age. I’ve had to do it all alone.

Well they are from a very special generation. If they were always taking and gifted money but that source has dried up they may be focused on holding onto what they have.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't bring it up. Invite your parents and whomever you and DH want. They don't get a say in the guest list if they don't contribute.

[Anonymous]

Honestly just pay it on your own.

You’ll be taking from their retirement, and you don’t want to do that. Maybe they’ll surprise you and offer to help with something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your relationship with them and the traditions in your family, OP. Do you have any siblings who had weddings before you? Any cousins whose weddings were paid for by your aunts and uncles?

We have a pretty good relationship, I visit and call them all the time. I know for a fact their wedding was paid for by my grandparents (they told me a few years ago) and my cousins weddings were most definitely paid for by their parents because there’s no way they could afford them without crippling debt (6 figure weddings and they weren’t making a lot at the time). I don’t know, I don’t want to sound entitled but it seems weird my parents haven’t really helped with life costs while they had theirs paid for by the previous generation. I had student loans upon graduation and didn’t get any help paying for my first house. My parents were gifted significant amounts by their parents when they were my age. I’ve had to do it all alone.

Well they are from a very special generation. If they were always taking and gifted money but that source has dried up they may be focused on holding onto what they have.

Yep, exactly. They’re probably on a tight budget and trying to preserve their savings.

And you DO sound entitled, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your relationship with them and the traditions in your family, OP. Do you have any siblings who had weddings before you? Any cousins whose weddings were paid for by your aunts and uncles?

We have a pretty good relationship, I visit and call them all the time. I know for a fact their wedding was paid for by my grandparents (they told me a few years ago) and my cousins weddings were most definitely paid for by their parents because there’s no way they could afford them without crippling debt (6 figure weddings and they weren’t making a lot at the time). I don’t know, I don’t want to sound entitled but it seems weird my parents haven’t really helped with life costs while they had theirs paid for by the previous generation. I had student loans upon graduation and didn’t get any help paying for my first house. My parents were gifted significant amounts by their parents when they were my age. I’ve had to do it all alone.

Well they are from a very special generation. If they were always taking and gifted money but that source has dried up they may be focused on holding onto what they have.

Yep, exactly. They’re probably on a tight budget and trying to preserve their savings.

And you DO sound entitled, OP.

My parents were the same, OP. I don’t think OP sounds entitled. It is common for UMC to help their adult children financially, especially with a wedding. It’s frustrating to have parents who got help and don’t pay it forward too.

[Anonymous]

I am UMC. I would want my daughter to assume I and spouse are paying for her wedding. My parents paid for mine and gave us a generous gift.

Now, if this were a second or subsequent wedding, I might not plan to. Nor would I want her to assume her parents would pay.

If she wanted something outrageously costly, say over $100,000, I would hold to whatever limit I deemed reasonable, maybe equal to one year of college, all in.

I do not think I would deserve say. I had my day; she gets hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A $40K wedding is absurd. I wouldn't pay for that.

+100. I have money. Spouse and I had money when we got married. We would never spend that much on a wedding. Op more than likely you'll end up divorced so why are you planning on spending so much on one day? Do you not realize that this amount would help you buy a home?

So, so stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your relationship with them and the traditions in your family, OP. Do you have any siblings who had weddings before you? Any cousins whose weddings were paid for by your aunts and uncles?

We have a pretty good relationship, I visit and call them all the time. I know for a fact their wedding was paid for by my grandparents (they told me a few years ago) and my cousins weddings were most definitely paid for by their parents because there’s no way they could afford them without crippling debt (6 figure weddings and they weren’t making a lot at the time). I don’t know, I don’t want to sound entitled but it seems weird my parents haven’t really helped with life costs while they had theirs paid for by the previous generation. I had student loans upon graduation and didn’t get any help paying for my first house. My parents were gifted significant amounts by their parents when they were my age. I’ve had to do it all alone.

Well they are from a very special generation. If they were always taking and gifted money but that source has dried up they may be focused on holding onto what they have.

Yep, exactly. They’re probably on a tight budget and trying to preserve their savings.

And you DO sound entitled, OP.

My parents were the same, OP. I don’t think OP sounds entitled. It is common for UMC to help their adult children financially, especially with a wedding. It’s frustrating to have parents who got help and don’t pay it forward too.

That being said, I can't imagine the parents who wouldn't help with education or home ownership but would pay for a party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A $40K wedding is absurd. I wouldn't pay for that.

40k is not much these days and that’s cheaper than my parents was if you account for inflation.

Oh goodness. I’m scared! But as a parent, I don’t see any problem in asking directly. As a mom of a college girl, I would find it very strange not to discuss it with her. I’d probably tell her what we could contribute without her having to ask. But I certainly wouldn’t take offense if she asked (projecting out her 5-10 years)

[Anonymous]

Adults can't talk to each other?
Be an adult Op